Corrupt a Wish - The Inevitable Return

[DiebytheSword]

Granted, he exists and for one grand day he terrorizes vegans and vegetarians alike. Sadly, he becomes the sole casualty in the US east coast 5.8 magnitude earthquake when he makes the fateful decision to stock the refriderators in a little town called Mineral, VA. He should have done the cotton ball factory first, not the glass cutters. Oh well, death by a thousand cuts in just 30 seconds leaves him no time for fame or rememberance.

I wish I wasn't in Kasa's Pizza when the quake surged through my neck of the woods. I missed it. My wife was in the car with Marcus and felt the car swaying back and forth.

 

[Avenger]

You weren't. But your wife and your son were in Kasa's Pizza instead, and you feel bad that they missed it - ruining your experience completely.

I wish Cap J had the face of a thousand eagles.

 

[Cap J]

Granted, I now have a face that is entirely made up of the band members of The Eagles copied and pasted hundreds of times. Clearly it is a sign of the end times and the doom of mankind follows me.

I wish I had the most awesome cup of tea ever.

 

[Grega]

Granted, you drink a cup of tea. The feeling you get is heavenly to put it mildly. In fact it was so great, that all you can say from now on is awesome. Unfortunately Bill & Teds lawyer hears you and informs you that overuse of the word is prohibited as it is licensed to the movie. With your inability to say anything other than awesome, you start going down the road of debt as you can not pay the court fines for every single time you use the word. Homeless with an inability to speak you meet the person who gave you the cup in the first place. Using a pen and paper you ask him how he could make a tea so good that it literally ruined your life because of its awesomeness. He informs you that he used a secret ingredient to spice up the taste. He then continues to tell you that the ingredient was a mixture of bull and pig sperm. But hey it was awesome when you drank it XD

I wish summer heat would not go over 25°C and winter cold would not go below -10°C.

 

[Avenger]

Your wish is granted, but it is as a result of global warming, and inevitably the sea water rises. Panic strikes the Netherlands, which arms itself, and flees inland. An armada of Dutch warriors seize your precious country. You are executed for not being Dutch enough.

I wish I had a firm understanding of all mathematics.

 

[DiebytheSword]

You do, but then it slowly comes to you that all your favored scientific theories are wrong, and that people aren't intelligent enough to understand you work. You stand screaming in the middle of the picturesqe Dutch countryside. When you are done, you realize that the plot from the movie Numbers wasn't far off, and you calculate to the second the time, and with horrifying accuracy the exact death toll of the next extinction event. You calculate the odds of humanity's survival to be negligble. Just as you are driving yourself insane you see god in the numbers and understand him like no one before . . . . clearly this does not jive with your atheism and you kill yourself because **** alien overlords (and you also realize that you aren't as awesome as Nicholas Cage [mathematically speaking of course]). Sadly, god was about to provide you with all the information you needed to save the world, but you have tragically killed yourself, and everyone else.

I wish Hurricane Irene puts on an awesome show up in my neck of the woods.

 

[Avenger]

It does! But it turns out that "Hurricane Irene" isn't really a weather phenomenon, but a prostitute who has learned how to juggle billiard balls with her genitals. Your family accidentally walks into one of her shows at one of your favourite pizza joints, and you all end up scarred for life.

I wish Cucumba had a firm grasp of mathematical topology.

 

[Dokutayuu]

I actually had to do a little research for this one, then I got too into it... granted! However, Cuc convinces you that a coffee mug and a doughnut are the same thing. You spend two months in hospital, unable to eat anything that can't go through a straw! He also brings you a new doughnut to drink from.

I wish Grega was a pioneer in Astrology! (Yes, I do mean Astrology)

 

[Avenger]

He is! But it turns out Astrology is a complete and utter sham;:and he is most remembered for being a proponent for pseudo-science - even though he becomes a proficient scientist and "adult model" in the future, he is not respected.

I wish Doku knew less about topology.

 

[omnomnom]

GRANTED! FOR THE SAKE OF THE CONINUATION OF THIS THREAD, YOUR WISH WHICH I DIDNT UNDERSTAND HAS BEEN GRANTED!
I wish that donuts and cinnamon rolls were about as good for you as broccolli, but they tasted the same and had not side affects like tasting like broccolli... so that i eat as many as i wanted without all that fat in them

 

[Dokutayuu]

Granted! However, this coincides with you developing a doughnut allergy!

I wish I would outgrow being a sidekick and eventually form a crime fighting team with Sky as my partner!

 

[Avenger]

You do, but you fight crime in a way so destructive and violent that Avenger, the hero of our story, is forced to intervene and fight you.

I wish Sky shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

 

[omnomnom]

Granted. Sadly someone else wanted the same sort of entertainment, and shot Sky from behind to watch him die. Miraculously though, this whole scenario was really just a dream of Sky's, a dream foretelling the future. In order to save himself, Sky goes to Avenger's house, the Hero of this story, and puts a bullet through his brain.

I wish...

 

[Dawntilldusc]

Your points of ellipsis are granted, but turn out to actually be a targeting system for the deadliest gargantuan robo-gurilla missle in existance.

I wish counter-clockwise was actually clockwise.

 

[Avenger]

It is. But this change is too much for your feeble mind, which shatters into a thousand fragments - each of them a Rob Schneider impersonator.

I wish omnomnom didn't suck so much at corrupting wishes.

 

[omnomnom]

Granted... ****, I guess that I shouldn't be doing this one. Oh wait! I still suck.
I wish animals lived as long as we did and aged at the some rate....well... slightly faster

 

[DiebytheSword]

They do, Praetor's cat lives with him forever . . . until cancer strikes. Praetor, upset that your corrupted wish killed his cat in an unkind way, seeks your pets out and tortures them to death until he is stopped by the hero of our story, Avenger. Sadly, your crippled pets look at you mournfully, seeking the sweet release of death almost until the end of your days.

I wish Omnomnom could corrupt wishes like the hero of our story, Avenger.

 

[Dokutayuu]

Granted! Every corruption he makes is now aimed at unsuspecting members of the community and involves at least 11 walruses.

I wish the FC wasn't dead!

 

[DiebytheSword]

Your wish is granted, I will finally post my round against Kelesk . . . later.

I wish I had more time to write.

 

[Cap J]

Granted, you have you now have so much time to write that you don't have time to do anything else.

I wish I could do work that I enjoyed.