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Okay I'm just a beginner so don't be harsh!

--

Ok well I was reading the DBZ story someone made, and I was like..... What the hell, I should make one too! So here it is:

The Saiyan
Battles


Characters:
Goku
Vegeta
Gohan
Goten
Trunks
Chi-Chi(W/e)
Bulma
Krillin
Isaac(New)
Other people




Ch.1
The big train

Hey dad, Lets train! Isaac yelled.
Okay what ever. Goku said.
Ready FIGHT!!!! Gohan yelled
HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Isaac screamed by going SSJ.AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Goku screamed, The ground shook and Goku went SSJ.

Ka-Me-Ha-Me-HA!!!!Whoa! Youre strong Isaac! Goku said. What the Hell?” OW that hurt! Okay, Okay Isaac you win!Goku said. Good Im happy we are done cuz Im hungry!
Heh Heh HehYoure getting just like me son!






Ch.2
Majin Buu


What the hell was that! Isaac said curiosly. Buuuuuuuuu!!!!!!! Buu flew and ran into the house Holy **** your fat! Goku said. Buu no like u! Buu *****-slap you! Buu said like a mental retard. No you dontAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Time to die fatass! Goku said

What the hell are you doing dad! Isaac said. Isaac shut the hell up I know what Im doing Goku said.
Okay, What ever you say

œBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!Ow That fatass hurt me!I told you dad! Now its my turn!
Ch.3
Isaac Vs. Buu

Its over now Buu, You should never hurt my dad!I can kick your ass too! Buu said What ever fatass.KAMEHAMEHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

What the hell are you doing! You are hurting the badass of all Majin Buu!!

I told you I would kick your ass!





To be continued
Tomorrow






Well tell me how it was, it may suck too but who cares the hell with it it was fun
 
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Madman, I'm going to have to ask you to not spam in my thread. I posted a fanfic, I'm expecting serious posts in this thread.
 
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ok in all seriousness IT SUCKS work on a better opening and againt i say LOLWUT
 
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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and I went SSJ.
 
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Aw crap... :p
You have some serious imagination Dam...lolz
Was thinkin, why don't ppl have a fanfic competition here? It will be fun, as Dam pointed out, not about how cool it is, just taking a tour of all the tales one spins up...just a thought.. :)
 
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It's a alternative version of DBZ.. Very funny :p
 
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Madman, if you're not going to be constructive, don't even post in this thread anymore. Do you know how long I worked on this fan fic? If you knew, you might change your perspective on this. White trash. Jeez.
 
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I am truly moved by your story, dam. Post moooaaaarrrr !
 
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I think Dam has a thing for Madman.
 
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Honestly, i don't like it. To short, not much of a story.
But hey if you really enjoy doing this why stop? Maybe you'll come up with a great story afterward. :)
 
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It's ****ing terrible it makes little to no sense at all, way too short to be a good fan fic and the grammar is so ****ing bad.

I suggest you try again and this time pull your head out of your ass.

Or an even better suggestion never try again cause reading this a second time really made me see how terrible it is..

Waste of my time.:rolleyes:
 
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Less dialogue, more of your original character showing up the entire cast. I think the plot's going too slowly, people will get bored before this Isaac guy manages to OHKO Broly with a sneeze.
 
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Is it possible for us to get some character background... who is Isaac?
 
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It's ****ing terrible it makes little to no sense at all, way too short to be a good fan fic and the grammar is so ****ing bad.

I suggest you try again and this time pull your head out of your ass.

Or an even better suggestion never try again cause reading this a second time really made me see how terrible it is..

Waste of my time.:rolleyes:
Excuse me, I spent years working on this fanfic and you have the balls to insult me and my work? Mods, I want this guy warned!
 
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If this was a book I'd pay for 10 copies.

Really great, the character development was pretty straight forward, but it got you emotionally attached to not only one (the main char) but also all characters, really hard to do.

The writing style itself is very unique and composed greatly. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

On top of it, the plot twist gave it a spark, and is keeping me interested.

I look forward to seeing the next part.
 
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If this was a book I'd pay for 10 copies.

Really great, the character development was pretty straight forward, but it got you emotionally attached to not only one (the main char) but also all characters, really hard to do.

The writing style itself is very unique and composed greatly. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

On top of it, the plot twist gave it a spark, and is keeping me interested.

I look forward to seeing the next part.
Thanks dude, I've been working on this thing for seven ****ing years. SEVEN. Your post means a lot.
 
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Dude... What..? Seven years for that piece of crap? an 8 year old could come up with better in 30 minutes... That just makes me think you're an even bigger loser than originally thought... Damn dude get out some more this is terrible.
 
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Dude... What..? Seven years for that piece of crap? an 8 year old could come up with better in 30 minutes... That just makes me think you're an even bigger loser than originally thought... Damn dude get out some more this is terrible.
You have absolutely no knowledge of what makes for an awesome fanfic. I WANT MORE DAM!
 
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Dude... What..? Seven years for that piece of crap? an 8 year old could come up with better in 30 minutes... That just makes me think you're an even bigger loser than originally thought... Damn dude get out some more this is terrible.
Excuse me, I don't appreciate your tone of voice or attitude. I'm going to have to ask you to stop being rude or never post in this thread again. Thank you!
 

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