Chuck Norris jokes

New Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2006
Messages
24
Best answers
0
What the hell is it with all the Chuck Norris jokes? I have been hearing them a lot lately and they are pretty ****ing stupid. What is the big obsession with Chuck Norris?
 

CM

Lost in space
Banned
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
May 6, 2003
Messages
1,763
Best answers
0
These originated in a site called LUElinks based on the Vin Diesel Fact Generator. A LUE User (or LUEser) made a Chuck Norris Fact Generator. The outside world caught on (several months too late) and LUElinks was given no credit.

To many, these jokes are incredibly old and played out. To the "commoners", they are new and exciting.
 
New Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2006
Messages
24
Best answers
0
Oh because everyday i'm told a different lame ass joke about Chuck Norris and i don't even laugh at the joke. The other kid cracks up though. Like today somebody told me that "Chuck Norris can kick you yesterday" now tell me is that funny?
 

CM

Lost in space
Banned
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
May 6, 2003
Messages
1,763
Best answers
0
You may have also heard:

Chuck Norris is only an elaborate life support system for his beard.
When Chuck Norris steps into a puddle of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

Yeah, they piss me off as well, because they're so old.
 
Validated Steam Engine
🌈 Beta Tester
✔️ HL Verified
🌹 Regular Rosé
Joined
Jun 5, 2004
Messages
657
Best answers
0
Sometimes things are just so stupid they become funny. :p
 
New Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2006
Messages
24
Best answers
0
CM said:
You may have also heard:


When Chuck Norris steps into a puddle of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck.
I never heard that one before, but i heard the other two many times.
 
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Dec 3, 2002
Messages
2,490
Best answers
0
My favorite--even though I hate these jokes--is the one that goes like this:
"There is no theory of evolution. There are only the species which Chuck Norris allows to live."
 
Lost in space
Banned
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Dec 21, 2003
Messages
3,608
Best answers
0
One of my favourite Chuck Norris jokes: Cars were invented as a faster way to escape from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the car accident.

I know they seem a little silly but they can be funnie at times, I always here Chuck Norris jokes from one of Kurt's irc scripts :).
 
New Member
Retired Forum Staff
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Apr 7, 2003
Messages
1,478
Best answers
0
"Contary to (seemingly) popular opinion, Chuck Norris does not kick ass. Chuck Norris is a theatrically worthless, washed-up B actor who was forced out of acting, resorting to ten "Total Gym Workout" commercials a day to feed his coke habit. I guess he should've followed the cheesy, pseudo-inspirational "lessons" the characters he played taught.

It would make more sense if the whole "outside Inside Joke" was based on someone who actually "kicked some ass" (again, arguably) in his day, like Steven Seagal, Van Damme, even Vin Diesel. Chuck Norris kicks no ass."
 
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Dec 15, 2001
Messages
1,009
Best answers
0
Wow, new Chuck Norris jokes!! XD

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

EDIT:
"Contary to (seemingly) popular opinion, Chuck Norris does not kick ass. Chuck Norris is a theatrically worthless, washed-up B actor who was forced out of acting, resorting to ten "Total Gym Workout" commercials a day to feed his coke habit. I guess he should've followed the cheesy, pseudo-inspirational "lessons" the characters he played taught.

It would make more sense if the whole "outside Inside Joke" was based on someone who actually "kicked some ass" (again, arguably) in his day, like Steven Seagal, Van Damme, even Vin Diesel. Chuck Norris kicks no ass."
pwned ^^
 
The Duke of Juke
Retired Forum Staff
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Dec 24, 2002
Messages
2,852
Best answers
0
I laughed at a lot of the jokes at first when they became popular, but soon grew sick of them. Then, the trendy college crowd picked them up and I have been unable to escape them :(
 
Senior Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Feb 6, 2002
Messages
1,675
Best answers
0
I still luagh every single time i hear a decent one. Old or not. Maybe it's the drugs, or maybe it's the brain damage. But god damn they are funny.

SailorAlea said:
"Contary to (seemingly) popular opinion, Chuck Norris does not kick ass. Chuck Norris is a theatrically worthless, washed-up B actor who was forced out of acting, resorting to ten "Total Gym Workout" commercials a day to feed his coke habit. I guess he should've followed the cheesy, pseudo-inspirational "lessons" the characters he played taught.

It would make more sense if the whole "outside Inside Joke" was based on someone who actually "kicked some ass" (again, arguably) in his day, like Steven Seagal, Van Damme, even Vin Diesel. Chuck Norris kicks no ass."
And just to point out the obvious, the fact that he doesn't kick ass is the reason that the jokes are so funny. If you made a joke about Arnold beating down 5 guys for a coke, you're friend would probly say "Yeah that was a good movie. I saw it last night on the tv."

Chuck Norris = ...Chuck Norris. It's the only way I can describe him anymore.
 
New Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2003
Messages
520
Best answers
0
SailorAlea said:
"Contary to (seemingly) popular opinion, Chuck Norris does not kick ass. Chuck Norris is a theatrically worthless, washed-up B actor who was forced out of acting, resorting to ten "Total Gym Workout" commercials a day to feed his coke habit. I guess he should've followed the cheesy, pseudo-inspirational "lessons" the characters he played taught.

It would make more sense if the whole "outside Inside Joke" was based on someone who actually "kicked some ass" (again, arguably) in his day, like Steven Seagal, Van Damme, even Vin Diesel. Chuck Norris kicks no ass."
actually Chuck norris does kick ass...its just that hes such a terrible actor..no one can tell...

"Chuck was a martial arts star, winning many martial arts championships including being a six-time undefeated World Professional MiddleWeight Karate Champion. Chuck was also a renowned teacher in the martial arts. Some of his students were Steve McQueen, Bob Barker, Priscilla Presley and Donnie & Marie Osmond.

From 1964 to 1968, Chuck won many State, National, and International amateur karate titles. In 1968, Chuck fought and won the World Professional MiddleWeight Karate championships by defeating the World's Top Fighters. He held that title until 1974 when he retired undefeated.

In 1968, Chuck was inducted into the Black Belt Hall of Fame as Fighter of the Year. In 1975, he was inducted as Instructor of the Year and in 1977, Chuck received the honor of Man of the Year."

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/biog.html

as you can see..he won the world professional middleweight karate championship and was declared undefeated...thats nothing easy to do..sure..its not the biggest accomplishment ever..but to say he doesnt kick ass..when he held the title and ended up retiring undefeated..is a huge understatement...im not saying hes the greatest guy ever..im just saying hes not as much of a wimp as everyone makes him out to see..

btw
"Chuck Norris doesnt wear superman pijama's when he goes to bed,but instead Superman wears Chuck Norris pijama's"

xD
 

L

New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Mar 31, 2004
Messages
1,069
Best answers
0
Bruce Lee personally trained Chuck Norris.
Nuff' said.
 
Lost in space
Banned
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Sep 13, 2003
Messages
1,179
Best answers
0
The sound of a F15 fighter plane is taken directly from Chuck Norris taking a dump.
 
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
May 15, 2002
Messages
2,675
Best answers
0
chuck norris beats you at connect four in three moves
 

jp

New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Aug 23, 2003
Messages
1,561
Best answers
0
Fatal_CobraX said:
Bruce Lee personally trained Chuck Norris.
Nuff' said.
Indeed.

I might not like every movie he made, and that texas walker ranger series he's in, is not something I would like to watch, but to say he does not "kick ass", that's just rubbish.
 
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Jun 8, 2004
Messages
5,216
Best answers
0
I agree with you CM, I found the jokes funny the first time, but the whole fad got boring in a week. When the outside world caught on several months later I wanted to take a sniper rifle up a clock tower.
 
New Member
Joined
Nov 24, 2001
Messages
341
Best answers
0
Me111 said:
Oh because everyday i'm told a different lame ass joke about Chuck Norris and i don't even laugh at the joke. The other kid cracks up though. Like today somebody told me that "Chuck Norris can kick you yesterday" now tell me is that funny?

LOL I heard that one last night in a game of Hidden.
 
New Member
Joined
Jan 29, 2006
Messages
24
Best answers
0
Today i actually heard two slightly good jokes about him, they go


"Chuck Norris can't die, becuase when death comes looking for him, Chuck Norris goes looking for death"

and

"Chuck Norris can beat you at connect four in three moves"
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top