500 Things Goku Would Never Say

[Skiwan]

Goku: OMFG frieza, fingerlaser's so cheap >;o

 

[Ravendust]

Gohan: I SAID YOU SMELL LIKE TOENAILS!!
Goku: Shut up. Words can hurt you know.

 

[SaiyanPrideXIX]

Goku: Wow, this is a very insightful and great thread.

:0\ ... sorry, I had to do it.

 

[Scruff]

[align=center](Scene: The Standard End Of Earth Scenario)
[/align]

Krillin: So Goku, what should we do here?

Goku (staring at Krillin): ...

Krillin: What is it buddy?

Goku (eyes fixed): Dude... you... your eyes...

Krillin: Wha...?

Goku (stunned): You... you have no eyes! I mean, okay, you have pupils... but, ****, it's like they're drawn on!

Picollo (giving Goku an odd look): O----kay. Back to business people. Goku, how should we deal with this situation?

Goku (relentlessly): No, I'm still on this Eye thing! The guy here... (pointing at Krillin, looking around the group, frantically) He Has. No. Eyes! Seriously! What's up with that ****?! And his nose!

Picollo(blasts Krillin Away With One Hand): Okay, can we get down to ****ing business now?

Goku (Calming Down): ****... I suppose...

Picollo (Frustrated): Okay then.

Goku: Okay!

Picollo: Fine...

Goku:...

Picollo: ...

Goku: Wait, dude, you're green!

Picollo: Oh for the love of...

 

[KidMan]

Goku: Chi-Chi! Do you think this outfit makes my butt look big? I have to fight Cell today and I want to look my best!

Vegeta: KAKORAT! Except my challange!
Goku: God! Its always about YOU! *Does an imitation of Vegeta* 'I'm Vegeta and Im the Prince of all Sayians.... wa wa wa.... I can't train hard enough to be stronger then Kakorat...wa wa wa... I'm a pompous little prick!'
Vegeta: WHOA! Sorry....

Goku: *Kills Frieza* Owned....

Goku: *dies from Cell* HACKS! Crappy map! Bad weapons!

Goku: *dies from Piccolo* Team killer!

 

[Ravendust]

Goku: "It's just that...I never really knew my father, I only met him once...in his subconscious! I never felt loved and I never met my mother, i'm sorry, I know i'm the only one with problems, I think it's time for me to leave the Z Fighters."

Tien: "Dude, I have three eyes."

Piccolo: "Yeah, and i'm green and have big ears and I have antenna...sometimes I think i'm not human."

Chiaotzu: "What the hell am I? Some sort of levitating mini-mime puppet?"

Krillin: "I'm bald and a midget."

Yamcha: "I look like I should be in the film Scarface, get it? Because I have scars! On my face! I also have an appalling sense of humour. I also hallucinate floating blue cats."

Goku: "I suddenly feel much better about myself."

 

[Growler]

Goku: f- this, im off to join Naruto.

 

[DragonDude]

Goku: "Gohan..." *breathe in, breathe out* "I am your father."
Gohan, holding up handless stump: "NOOOOO!"

 

[Ravendust]

Goku: Now for my ultimate technique! The Kamehamalic Gunsenko Tridisc Fang Fist! *pokes Cell*

Vegeta, Piccolo, Tien, Krillin and Yamcha: I feel raped.

 

[Iyce Da Kidd]

*Goku returns from Snake Way in the Great Saiyaman saga where they are meeting up at the world tournament. He meets the gang and stumbles across a few new cast members*

Goku: Hey gang!

All: *Hey goku! Good to have you back*

Goku: Good to be back guys! *His eyes shift downwards and notices that Chi-Chi has a small figure hiding behind her*

Goku: Hey Chi-Chi, who's that?

Chi-Chi: He's your son, our little boy...

Goku: OMGWTFBBQCOPTER! For f*** sake he doesn't even look like me!

Chi Chi: Well, he IS your son.

Goku: Prove it!

*two weeks later the gang is sent to Chicago for the Maury Povich show*

Maury: Hi and welcome to our special show! Today we have bought back a former guest, Chi-Chi! After 14 paternity tests for her first born Gohan, she is sure that Goku is the father of the 7 year old goten as well. Isn't this true double Chi?

Chi-Chi: Yes it's true, I mean look at him, he looks just like his father!

*Crowd agrees and random cheers and whistling are spreading across the stage*

Maury: Well, they do have resemblance, but here's what goku had to say before the show.

*Previously recorded video starts*

Goku: Maury, I'm here to let you and the whole world know that Goten is NOT my baby! I mean, look at it, he doesn't even look like me! Chi-Chi has multiple s.p's and everyone on our 2 resident Island knows it!

*tape cuts*

Maury: Here's goku!

*random boo's are heard*

Goku: Yeah, Whateva, Whateva I do what i want!

Maury: The test results are in, and when it comes to Chi-Chi's 7 year old son Goten... Goku, you ARE NOT the father!

*crowd cheers*

Maury: In fact, this young child belongs to the saiyan rebel Turles that you said you "killed" in one of those movies a long long time ago! See, I told you letting your enimes go will come and bite you in the butt!

Goku: SEE SEE, I told you! I want my child-support back biash!

 

[KidMan]

^------------ OMG! F-ING HILLARIOUS! ICE MAN I LOVE YOU!

 

[Iyce Da Kidd]

luv u tu

*Looking in mirror*

Goku: *Fu... Sion... Ha!*...

*There's a sudden pause as goku stares at himself doing the "HA" position*

Goku: "Man this dance really is ghey."

 

[|Overlord|]

goku : OHNOES!!!!! , I'M STUCK IN THIS MIRROR F***ING HELP ME (I SHOULD OF NEVER TRIED THE FUSION TECHNIQUE ON A MIRROR >.)

 

[Ravendust]

Goku: Hey Chi-Chi! Ready for some steamy hot monkey-love? *injects Blutz waves into his eyes and turns into a bizzarely crotchless Oozaru*.

 

[Growler]

Goku to Gohan...: Gohan, lets talk. See, birds and the bees are a very special thing. And I think Videl and you need to really...-

Gohan: Dad, common!

Goku: No... really, listen please. You and Videl really need to 'discuss' yor future before...-

Gohan: DAD!! STOP!

 

[Ravendust]

Goku: Well Gohan, we have to fuse. Take off your pants.

 

[*Gaara*]

Goku: Vegeta,i know you love me and idolize me..
Vegeta: what how dare y....
Goku: plz dont interrupt me...its okey..really,its nothing to be ashamed of...you grew up with a bad father figure (frieza) who allowed you to watch porn and destroy planets..you look up to me and want to be able to do the stuff i do,thats why you get so happy when you manage to do something useful on my show (dbz).
Vegeta: h-how long have you known kakarott?
Goku: for a while now..it was in the scripts.
Vegeta: i become completley useless in this show.
Goku: thats not true..remember against majin buu..without you to fuse with i would have been left with mr satan...you saved us back then.
Vegeta: y-you really mean that kakarott?



Goku: Buu...your fat and your pink,if you JUST admit that your ghey i wont throw the spirit bomb.


Goku: Chi Chi,you know why iam always training and fighting bad guys...its beceause you drive me ****ing insane..your ****ing always complaining...its just so ****ing annoying...i mean..why cant the androids kill you or something?

 

[Fire Phoenix]

Goku: Well Gohan, we have to fuse. Take off your pants.

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH omg the last dbz one and the naruto one made me fall out of the chair. the look on gohan's face, and the banana-fana part got me good.

Goku: *eats food ravagly*

Chi-Chi: "Well that's attractive"

Goku: "WHAT ARE YOU? ***?"

 

[KidMan]

Dude someone has to tell them top draw more DBZ comics like that. SO F-ING HILLARIOUS!

 

[Ravendust]

Goku: Did I tell you i'm on Atkins?
Piccolo: Ooh, that's not good for you.

(It was on last nights Family Guy )