Free Force-Pit Access!?!

[KidMan]

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

 

[frsrblch]

Q: So you own a donkey, and I own a rooster. Your donkey eats the feet off of my rooster. What do you have?



A: Two feet of my **** in your ass.


Q: Why is it that Smokey the Bear and his wife don't have any children?



A: Because everytime his wife gets hot, he beats her with a shovel.

 

[KidMan]

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said. "No. I hate myself now."

I went to my doctor and told him "my penis is burning." He said, "That means somebody is talking about it."

 

[Chang Wufei]

Score:
Dr.Gero-20 - 20
Enix - 1
Zeronightmare - 1
frsrblch - 17
MC - 3
Sub - 15
Karrade - 3
Spunky - 21
kidboy - 3
grega - 1

 

[Spunky]

T-Day

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper, "Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter T, to minimise the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Dont be mad at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't realise that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.

I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter T to make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY

2. THURSDAY

3. TODAY

4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember its still TODAY, so I am waiting for you upstairs."

 

[frsrblch]

A man rushes to his doctor's office and says, "Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me! I've got a carrot in my left ear and a banana in my right ear and a chicken wing up my nose!"

"Well, son," the old doctor says. "It's quite obvious you haven't been eating properly."

---​

One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

---​

Q: What did the dog get when he multiplied 88 x 7?


A: The wrong answer.

 

[Chang Wufei]

Score:
Dr.Gero-20 - 20
Enix - 1
Zeronightmare - 1
frsrblch - 22
MC - 3
Sub - 15
Karrade - 3
Spunky - 22
kidboy - 3
grega - 1

 

[Spunky]

The ladder to success!

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.

She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.

She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.

She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldnt believe his eyes, but his greed got the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar. Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 68" hairy biker-looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.

Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?"

The biker answers, "I'm Cess."

 

[KidMan]

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

 

[Chang Wufei]

Score:
Dr.Gero-20 - 20
Enix - 1
Zeronightmare - 1
frsrblch - 22
MC - 3
Sub - 15
Karrade - 3
Spunky - 25
kidboy - 4
grega - 1

 

[KidMan]

I broke my neck on a slip n slide at school by doing a belly flop.

 

[Chang Wufei]

Score:
Dr.Gero-20 - 20
Enix - 1
Zeronightmare - 1
frsrblch - 22
MC - 3
Sub - 15
Karrade - 3
Spunky - 25
kidboy - 4
grega - 1

 

[DragonDude]

Q.) How many jokes does one have to copy-paste from a joke website to get five free dollars?

A.) A baked potato.

 

[Spunky]

[Ten Things Found Only in America]

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

@ DD - To be honest, I'm not copy-pasting anything from anywhere. My bro is helping me a little bit, but it's mostly my own.

 

[Chang Wufei]

Score:
Dr.Gero-20 - 20
Enix - 1
Zeronightmare - 1
frsrblch - 22
MC - 3
Sub - 15
Karrade - 3
Spunky - 27
kidboy - 4
grega - 1
Dragondude - 20

 

[frsrblch]

This is enough for me. I don't have the time for all the CH surfing, gotta study.

---​

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

"I kicked her in the face."

 

[Spunky]

Cucumber, Picke, & Penis...

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were having a conversation.

As the conversation moved onto to the horrors they go through, the cucumber quickly spoke up. "Its not fair, they treat me really nicely until I grow long and juicy and then they cut me up and put me in bread and eat me!"

The pickle sighed and replied, "That's nothing compared to what they do to me. when I grow big and juicy they pluck me from my home and put me in smelly water until the end of time!"

The penis quickly steps in and says, "Both of you are better off than me. Whenever I get big and juicy, they stick a plastic bag over my head, and throw me in a dark smelly room where I'm forced to do push-ups until i throw up and faint!"

 

[Chang Wufei]

Score:
Dr.Gero-20 - 20
Enix - 1
Zeronightmare - 1
frsrblch - 27
MC - 3
Sub - 15
Karrade - 3
Spunky - 26
kidboy - 4
grega - 1

 

[Dr.Gero-20]

ok i gotta get back in game heres another,

Sherlock Holmes and Watson were walking through a park, when they passed three women, eating bananas.
"Good evening, ladies," said Sherlock. After they passed, Watson asked if he knew those women.

"No, Watson, I didn't know that nun, prostitute, or bride." Baffled, Watson asks how he knew their identities.

"Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun was eating the banana by breaking it into small pieces. The prostitute was shoving the banana into her mouth. And the bride was holding the banana with one hand and forcing her head down with the other."

 

[bapplebo]

The priest in a small Irish village loved the **** and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the **** went missing!

The priest knew that **** fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a ****?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a ****?

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a **** that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY ****?"

All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.