Tell all your friends about my victory

[sub]

I know none of you people give a ****, but seriously, this victory needs to be known about all over the world. I was playing rome total war as the dacians, a race so ****ty that their not even a playable race unless you alter a text file. They start off with a ****ty economy and not great prospects of improving it, rather ****ty units, and they're surrounded by powerhouses on all sides. Whatever, no problem.

So after a bit of time, the ******* Thracian's attack me, I defeat their army and march towards the closest Thracian city. My army doesn't have that many troops because I don't have the money or the population in my cities to field a good army, but it's okay, I defeated the Thracian invasion army and it looks good for me to now capture their cities. So I reach the piece of **** Thracian city and then the ******* Macedonians attack me, I'm thinking because there are no units defending my city and I'm about to kill their Greek brothers. Also, because they're *******s.

So I'm about to call off my siege of the piece of **** Thracian city to go and defend my capital city, which is really like a capital village because all of my cities are horrible, but whatever, it's still my capital. Anyway, before I can call off the siege, the piece of **** Thracian's attack me with an army which is bigger than mine, I'm thinking they were hiding in a forest or something. So I retreat and then they still attack me. I managed to defeat that army, but I took losses which isn't good if I want to beat the piece of **** Macedonians.

So I hire as many mercenaries as I can manage and grab a few family members from a nearby city and rush to fight the Macedonians and save my capital city. I was against one full strength army of hoplites, arguably the best unit in the ******* game, and another half strength army of more bull**** hoplites and some horses.

Basically, I was against this:

And I had this:

So they had twice my men and their soldiers were better than mine. Winner gained control of my capital. I would have been pretty ****ed had they won this battle. Also, I don't know if you've noticed, but my soldiers don't even wear any ******* armor.

But, to make a long story short, I won, guys. If you can, please tell all of your friends.

 

[Viper]

As a descendant of the Dacians, I applaud your victory!

 

[sub]

If this game is anything to go by (which of course, it is), then your ancestors lived in ****ty villages with a population of like 300 max per village, they were poor, none of their neighbors liked them, they lacked advanced weaponry and / or shirts, but god damn were their generals amazing. I think they must have spent all of their free time discussing how to beat invasion forces of 10 thousand men with 20 guys and some sticks, because they sure as **** weren't building anything of culture.

Seriously, I must have like 6 generals at like 7 stars and above. Usually I have good armies and I'll be lucky to have one general at 5+ stars, but now I have amazing generals and quarter strength armies.

 

[macdaddymario]

Been playing Empire for the first time... and I must say, reliving history from the side that was getting it's ass whooped at the start of the war... SO not fun. I'm holding on by threads >.<

 

[Viper]

Considering 30-40% of the population still lives in ****ty villages, I think it pretty accurate.
In that note, **** you for being such a lousy leader!!!

 

[The Deco]

Empire is a pretty lousey game.

I DEMAND STAR WARS TOTAL WAR!

and Rome 2

 

[macdaddymario]

Empire is a great addition to the series! Love the sea battles.

 

[Deathshot]

I told my friend that Sub had won the War in Empires. He was pleased... Then asked "Who the hell is Sub?".

 

[Zeonix]

Next time, just summon a dragon.

 

[sub]

I finished the campaign in the original post a while ago, but I just want it to be known that that general was a pure badass. He was by far the best/most successful general I've ever had in a total war game.

The second best general probably being a guy from a campaign I just did. I started a new game as the seleucid empire and decided to abandon every city but Antioch, which is located right between Pontus and Egypt, two pretty strong nations. After abandoning the cities, I began loosing money every turn, which meant that I was unable to train new troops or retrain my current ones. My existing army, some 8 phalanx units or so and the rest family members, was the only army I'd get for a very, very long time. The goal was to grow the population of Antioch and eventually start producing a profit.

The game starts in the year 270. By 236, 34 years / 68 turns later, with a battle occurring almost every turn, I was just about out of soldiers. I literally had my general, Demetrius, another family member, and a phalanx unit with like 12 guys. I had accrued -30,000 gold at one point, but my money was slowly creeping back up to 0 and I was about to turn a profit. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. But then I saw it.

Egypt and Pontus had gotten tired of my **** and allied together in the hope of defeating my 86 men that were remaining. Pontus rolled up with a 1629 man army on one side, Egypt a 500 man force on the other. They attacked together. By this point, the city walls were all ready damaged to **** from dealing with previous sieges and having no money to repair them. This is it, I thought, this is the end of my game. I might as well play the battle out and say goodbye to my general who had been so badass up to this point. But no, Demetrius wouldn't have that ****. That's quitter talk.

After this battle, the game renamed Demetrius to Demetrius the horseman, the only time in my 150 hours of playing Rome have I ever gotten a general with that title. I had breathing room for a turn or two, but it wasn't to be. Demetrius was an old man at this point and died a turn or so after this battle. I decided that without him, I had no chance of keeping the city. With the small amount of money now at hand, I decided that the only hope for survival would be to build a ship and capture an island off coast in order to rebuild. I left Antioch after 34 hard fought years, but I would return.

 

[Z Power]

I wouldn't mess with that General. Ever.

 

[Mkilbride]

Pretty bad-ass. You should write short stories and see if you can get them published.

 

[sub]

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic, but if not, nah. I consider myself a poor writer.

 

[Z Power]

I am with him on this one. That was a good piece to read.

 

[Mkilbride]

Nah, not sarcastic. I actually really liked it, made me want to download it again, but then I keep remembering how little patience I have these days, and what great deals of it the Total War series needs.