The Joke's Thread!!!

[JasonX]

lol @ grega

came this one across

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "Everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

The old man replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! the light goes off."

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls His wife. The Doctor says, "Your Husband is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"

Oh my God!" she exclaims. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!

 

[MF29]

Q:Why was the cat thrown out of the card game?

A:Because he was a Cheetah!

 

[Tsunami]

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you?" asked Hillary.

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me!"

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."