Teh LIZZARD IS BECK!

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Heh u ubor bummes!(Hey you uber bums) em ehr t'e 'ill ya!(Im here to kill you) Eccept meh Chalange!(Accept my challenge) ;/ :S
 

[S]

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Meh im sick of waiting ill accept your challenge.
 
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I have been asked to judge this.

But, I notice that you don't have a fight club bio, Captain Bob.
 

[S]

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Pfft I seem to vaguely remember you you’re the weird guy with the sheep and lizard fetish or something of that sort. I guess its time to show you where you belong which is outside with the animals. I’m going to enjoy destroying you immensely.
 
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Judges set up the arena.

and I would appreciate it if you had a bio, so that we both could picture what your character looks like, stands for, and believes in.
 
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I have a bio. Although you could have just imagined my signature... as a human bean... I mean being! :devgrin:
 
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, the venue is simple, but that battle won't be. Captain Bob has disobeyed direct warnings to dock on a medium sized spaceship that you've been traveling in for quite awhile, earning numerous awards and leaderships through acts of bravery, chivalry. and the safety percentage of your crew. Captain Bob has informed you through eariler communication that you have a weapon that could destroy numerous galaxies, yet it's also claimed to have be the property of your planet. Whether political propaganda feeds the argument, your mission is to make sure the weapon makes it to it's ordered destination.

Captain Bob, your ship is not as big as 's, but it's no push over itself. Your fed by one instinct, to get the next paycheck through controlling the market. Your a pirate by heart, your a pirate be necessity, and your a pirate by destiny. You lead a crew of ruthless and quite talented individuals, that would follow you to the death.

But is a force to be reckoned with... some of your men not too confident to stand beside you.


Best of 3.
 
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“4:12 AM, Captain’s Log – Number zero-zero-zero… one

“When I turned on the radio this morning, I heard something strange. Other than my usual visions of sheep dancing merrily in the blood stained snow, I was informed by the S.S. Carnage that I was to dock on some weird sheep. SHIP! I meant ship, really I did. Slip of the tongue, oh dear my!

“It was a bigger ship than mine, but my files on the S.S. Carnage say that it’s crew is no better than the skirt-wearing moles on planet Darznack. But the captain! Ah… he was a pirate. Oh, he looked and acted like a nice guy, but I know pirates when I smell them. All stinky and like rum. People say he’s won awards for bravery and chivalry, but since I don’t even know what the heck those are I’m not bothered. He does seem to have a weak spot for his crew though. He likes them smug and safe, like two little lambs under their mothers wool… as a wolf comes barreling down the mountain.”

Drooling is heard as water splashes the control panel, making sparks.

“Anyways, that’s only part of the story. That stupid Carnage had a weapon of mass destruction! I love weapons of mass destruction.”

More drooling is heard.

“But it’s mine! He wants it for his stupid political agendas – whatever those are – and I want it for myself! Imagine how many planets I can hold hostage with that baby! Oh yeah, the SG400 – Supergun model and make 4000.

“I need some coffee.”

Bob swings around on his chair, his two green feet dangling over its side. He wiggles his scaley toes before slipping into his boots and marching out of his quarters.

He walks through the long hallways of his precious ship – the Sheepy Lizzard – and nods gently to his brave crew… all of whom give him a strange glance. He walks to the food quarter, wondering about the chill in the air, and gets himself a cup of coffee.

“Ahh…” He says, sipping on it.

He then walks back into his quarters and presses the record button on the desk in front of him.

“I forgot my pants.” He blinks, and slips off his boots. “I can’t believe I just did that. Oh well. All my maties understand my situation. Too many coffees, not enough sheep. I MEAN SLEEP!”

Bob dresses himself entirely, making sure his pants are nice and tight, and pulls the tape recorder out of the desk. Despite his obvious advantages in technology, he preferred the Sony’s of the 20th century. They made him sound like he was baaing all the time. He liked that.

“I now approach the rooster pit… er… sheep pit… uh… MY BOMBING ROOM! Muahha… I plan on striking this mysterious S” – Saying it as sss – “and getting the weapon that I deserve! My money! MY MONEY!”

“Noon PM, Captain’s Log zero-zero-four-two-four-zero-nine-eight-ten-blast off…

“I do not know who this ‘Captain Sss’ thinks he is, demanding that I dock with his ship! My ship is already married, and the idea of docking is per… per… posteriousness! I need more coffee, but not now… now I’m fighting!

“My ship had attacked him first. It was fun. I started my attack by pretending to comply with Captain Ssss’s order to dock, but when I got close enough I fired the main engine and told the crew to aim for the weak spots in the ships large hull.

“But he struck back and managed to damage my BEDROOM. That sick mother… ahh! We narrowly dodged a torpedo fired by my own crew, which bounced off his shields. Perhaps I should use lasors…”

“2:00 PM, Captain’s Log One

“I lost track of time. We have been flying circles around the Carnage shooting lasers and a new beam weapon known as an ‘Ion Cannon’ at the Captains lounge. Then Captain Ssss sent a message to surrender our weapons and power down imedeitly… Emedaitly… As soon as possible, and then to dock and we would not be hurt.

“We docked, alright, and rushed out into his ship screaming our battle cry. ‘HOOOLA’. His crew seemed… sane. But that was nothing compared to the horrible stench that came from his crew – roses I think. We got into a hand-to-hand fight, and my Blaster Cannon stood ground, although at one point in the battle it fell to pieces. But that’s not the fun part. The fun part is when I beat him! Here is my exact recollection of the happenings.”

A small hissing noise comes up from Bob’s throat, as he remembers.

“I rushed through his crew, blasting away like a mad rabbit, SHEEP… do’h… dragon! I shot two of his crew members before I realized that I attacked only but empty suits. Apparently, we docked on the wrong side of the ship. Hmm…The stink of that flower is getting worse.

“Anyways, I crept up to the ****pit, smiling devilishly… but, of course, our screaming and fighting had alerted Captain Ssss of my presence. He met me at the bridge. The bridge was so…clean. In addition, the buttons were all shiny and glowing. I noticed a big red one that seemed to call my name. Then I saw a very big naked ape-like thing in one corner of the bridge, I think he was called a ‘Human’.

"For some reason, he was alone. I thought this my advantage, but it turned out to be a little… sheepish.

“As it turned out when I went creeping to find Captain Ssss I seemed to have left my crew in the docking bay… scared sheepless. So I ran underneath the humans legs, making sure to tickle his little fat thighs with my tail. I jumped and landed behind a large metal machine called a ‘chair’. He, of course, hadn’t any idea what was happening. I’m too fast.

“He jumped after me, wings expanding from his back. I didn’t know that humans had wings. If I had been behind him, I would have seen that funny pimple start glowing. His wings began to glow, like a banana on fire, and the sight made me sick. Almost as sick as that God-awful smell!

“So I scurried off, jumping off of weird flashing lights called ‘alarms’ on the wall. I could not see any of my surrounding area, as you should know you damned recorder! So when I hit the windshield, it didn’t surprise me. It kind of looked like a fuzzy gorilla, chasing sheep. Only those are easily killed by the overpowering smell of rose.

“When I turned around, I could see his wings were glowing – how weird, I only now realize that he was the only clear thing in my sight – and dripping stinky black stuff. I have dubbed it, the stinky black stuff of Sss. The combined smell of the stinky black stuff and roses was almost to much for me to bear…I mean, bare.

“He then fired his wings at me. Screeching, I jumped off the windshield, listening to my claws scratch against the glass and realizing I had left my boots. The wings shot funny little floating things at me. I shall call theses things the funny floating things of Sss. I then rolled underneath his legs and he seemed to react to a soft spot I hit with my tail… So to distract him I decided to use my voice as a weapon.

“ ‘So we meet again, Mister Sss.’ I said, as his wings barely slid through the air I previously farted on. He blinked at me, then bared his teeth in a twisted grin called ‘growling’.

“ ‘I am a Captain!’ He screamed, his wings disappearing. ‘And it’s Esss, not Sss.’

“I giggled as people do when they’re half-crazed, and hit the door that connected the bridge to the hall. How it got there, I don’t know. My recollection seems very… eh… incomplete. Almost as if I was hit one too many times over the head. Which I was. Because shortly after hitting the door, Sss began some weird dancing called ‘martial arts’.

“He jumped around like a monkey and began to dance like a Russian, hitting me with his stinky boots all the while making funny noises. Noises I imagine two people might make when eating each other. But this man wasn’t human. As I have previously thought, he was a demon. I need to add that onto my notes.”

There is a scribbling sound as Bob’s pencil races across the paper, drawing a rabbit chasing sheep.

“There. Now let’s see… after that, I hopped up and jumped. His leg magically appeared over me, which meant that he went flailing backwards as I tipped him over. My head is stronger than his legs, it seems. Feeling the battle, I decided that while I was there I’d throw my head forward. It hit the spot where my head was, and it hurt him more because that was between his legs! Hee hee, poor human… I mean demon.

“Other note: Apparently humans and demons have that area also. Cool, huh?

“So anyways, I stood over him, laughing as he rolled around. And then I remembered something… oh shoot. I forgot it again. Oh well.”
 

[S]

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“This is your last warning, Surrender we have you out numbered out gunned out just about anything that will make a difference in this battle surrender and dock onboard and we will not harm you.” said looking directly at the screen in front of him. At the recreation of the Star ship enterprises bridge room.

“ You know how many arrogant captains heads have been put on my mantle because they thought we were out gunned as you say” spat back Captain Bob. “My men tire of this running let us settle this like our ancestors in an all out war the winner walks away with the secret weapon you so tirelessly guard”. He then let out an insane laugh staring at his cutlass and mouthing the words “don’t worry you’ll get blood soon enough Holy B****”

“Look I told you before I don’t know what your talking about my, orders are too escort the cargo of this ship and protect it with my life now for the last time will you dock and talk to me man to man” roared .While his actions on the outside showed he was calm, collected and confident on the inside his heart was pounding a mile a minute. “Great just great his crew is willing to die for this psycho who’s talking to a blade, while my crew is more then hesitant to engage in combat against their puny ship. I need to figure out how to stop this before this turns into a full out war no point underestimating them and regretting it with my mens lives” thought

Suddenly ’s right hand man entered the room and said in a loud and demanding voice “Sir our men are thinking about abandoning ship they don’t want to fight they say they have too much to live for”

“OH ****” screamed in his head realizing crew has just made their biggest mistake shown weakness in the face of a hostile enemy.

For a second there was static on the screen and then it filled the whole screen it seemed another ship was transmitting on the same frequency as theirs causing a disturbance. “Cucumba everything Is going according to plan in a few years earth shall be ripe for the picking” said an unknown voice. wasn’t sure what had just happened but hoped his right hand mans comment had not been heard by the deranged midget.

The reply was cut off as captain Bobs smirking green face came back into view “Perhaps you should be the one surrendering to us my arrogant captain, We can tell most of your crew has never seen battle This is not a battle you will win. Since you refuse to give up and I tire of this unnecessary chatter I think its time you DIE MEN LOAD THE CANNONS” was the last thing and his men heard before the screen went offline.

Things were not looking good for ’s crew they were all panicking and more then a little angry at their captains negotiating skills. “Prepare for evasive actions we can take cover on this planet” motioned pointing to a dull grey orb that seemed to be floating outside his window. The next second the sensors went on the screen “Incoming Attack” “Incoming Attack” –
“damnit” muttered before they were hit.

“Sir they’ve managed to hit our main plasma cannon and our molecular generator and at this distance all our other weapons are useless were gonna crash or burn up if we don’t do something fast!" “So it comes down to hiding and biding our time ironic in a way” were ’s last thoughts before he let out his final command “land on that planet and use the stealth generator that should buy us enough time to repair any damages and get off before that fool finds us. Do not worry I have a perfect record of bringing my men back home and am not planning on changing that”

As soon as the ship made contact with the dry murky ground of this unknown planet it started losing its bright metallic colour and seemed to dull into the grey of the planet. The engines shutdown and they stopped sending out signals. They were now completely cut off from the outside world it was nearly impossible to find them.

“How much time before we get off this wasteland?” asked staring out of his window. Wasteland was a bit of an understatement this place was more barren then the Sahara desert.

When suddenly a ship passed overheard but to every ones immense relief it just kept going. That meant they were safe for some time. "How much time do we have before this stupid generator gets fixed?" "Not too long but we need a new atom stabilizer or were stranded here." "Oh that’s not a problem since ones just outside the window let out in a sarcastic tone motioning to the empty space that stretched out for miles outside the window. When suddenly the ground started shaking and a low rumbling noise could be heard getting louder. And then as suddenly as it began it ended and a spaceship came into view from thier window they could see their enemy ship sitting their like a predator waiting for its prey to make its first move.

“AHHH they found us RUN RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! knew he had to do something to get everyone’s attention so he bolted to his right punched his hand through the glass labelled power and pulled the switch down. At once they were submerged in extreme darkness. There was a deathly silence as finally spoke after all other noises of the crew walking into walls had died down and just a low exhale of air could be heard of all the crew in unison. “Now look I will go and get the atom stabilizer but you will all need to stay on board and work on the generator to get it up and running before I get back. As soon as I get back on board the pirates will know were here and our stealth generators will go offline so we need to get the **** out of here as soon as possible” He let everyone absorb that much information before he went on “If at anytime you manage to get the generator working blast off right away do not wait for me there is a chance I wont make it back alive and I am willing to take it as long as you all protect the cargo with your lives.

Some sailors made signs of argument about their leader giving up his life so easily but it seemed was more then determined to follow through with his plan “Don’t worry about me ,getting you guys and the cargo out of here is my first priority there is no other option please try and understand.”

After his little speech he turned the light back on and then slowly made his way to the captain’s quarters to get ready for his mission. After grabbing a few objects he figured he might need he made his way towards the door that protected him from his hunters. As he got closer he heard his name being called he turned around to face his whole crew each with a serious look on their face. Words weren’t needed to express how much they respected him they just silently stared at him with utmost admiration. He slowly turned around and made his way to the exit. Instead of grabbing a space suit just grabbed a helmet with an oxygen bag and stepped out into the wild. had learnt long ago his angelic body could survive without protection from outside in nearly any surfaces he always took the helmet just in case. He was soon enveloped in darkness after barely going 10 feet away from the ship but worries were a thing of the past these useless emotions would only hamper his performance he needed to remain calm and determined. He kept his mind clear not thinking about anything while he moved towards the ship.

As he neared the ship the first thing he noticed was the muddled footsteps in the ground in the greyish sand. All of them seemed to move away from the ship meaning the ship had to be relatively empty. Things were finally looking up for him as he noticed the ships main entrance was open in an inviting manner almost as they were tempting him to take it. There was always the risk it was a trap but what the hell he was in a hurry and needed to take his chances. As he slowly started making his way into the very heart of the ship.

After a few more minutes of exploring entered into what seemed to be a replica of the star ship enterprises bridge room. “Captains log 0032 It seems as the mighty arrogant captain has finally made his way to-“ but whatever he was gonna say was cut off as the fallen angel let out a low whisper “Damn trekkie geek ass nerd”

“I am not a NERD”
roared the little man now getting up from what appeared to be the commanders chair surrounded with buttons. Even thou it hardly made a difference to his height

“How’d you know I was coming” muttered . “Pfft that’s easy with my superior hearing and the amount of noise you were making it would be impossible not to hear you coming” pointed out the diminutive man. The stench in the room was finally getting to as he realized an appalling odour surrounded the room. It smelled like something had died in their long time ago and no one had bothered cleaning it up.

It had been along time since had tasted battle and he had been aching to finally taste it agian. Both combatants stared at each other both anxious to begin but smart enough not to make the first move. ’s fists were balled up and his muscles were bulging in anticipation of the oncoming battle while his heart pounded like a large drum while his brain thought of possible outcomes of this fight. While Bob on the other hand looked like he wasn’t worried about the fight at all either that or it was the calm before the storm…

No point in taking out my wings ill save that as my trump card since they would just be a nuisance in this small place anyway thought going into his fighting stance. Both men stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity when suddenly in the blink of an eye they were engaged in combat.

They both charged in the middle of the control room thrusted his right hand forward in an uppercut hoping to mange to catch his opponent off guard. However Bob saw this coming and shifted his weight to his back leg grinning at the thought he had obviously dodged his opponents first attack effortlessly however had other things on his mind as he kept the momentum going with his uppercut at the pinnacle of his move stood with his right hand raised with his right leg forward but a quick shuffle of the feet created new momentum as he brought his left leg in front of his right by moving it from behind making his body spin and bring his right hand back in with a powerful jab to the unsuspecting bobs gut. The grinning expression of bob soon turned to an expression of pain as he flew back a good 10 feet and landed with a soft thud in a crumpled pile on the ground. As Bob got up he dusted himself of a bit it seemed he had been knocked down a few pegs with that surprising hit. “Quite good but don’t get too happy I underestimated you a mistake I won’t make again” he spat before pulling out his trusty Cutlass.

moved a few paces back and got into a different type of fighting style "the more I change the harder it is for him to adapt so If I keep this up I might stand a chance of beating him without him inflicting some serious damage to m. At that point Bob decided to go crazy well more crazy then usual letting out a battle cry he started zigzagging around at abnormal speed . It seemed all around there was a little green and orange blur running around him. His eyes were useless and so were his years since the battle cry was hitting the walls and echoing hitting from every direction not allowing him to listen to Bobs foot steps. would have to rely on instincts and reflexes alone. He stood silently for a second and then pounced to his right with his left knee leading the way bursting through the afterimages of the speedy little extraterrestrial. A second later he realized he realized his instinct had been wrong since he had hit nothing but air and his back was completely exposed to any oncoming attack. He leaned back and pushed up off his right leg going into a backflip hoping to avoid any oncoming attacks but was a second too late as he felt bobs cutlass graze his arm. Bobs attack however was far from over when he turned around after that forward thrust and with amazing power for a being of his size squarely hit in the face with the hilt of his sword.

As flew back and hit the screen his face had been on less then 2 hours ago his boots hitting the screen causing the glass to shatter. “ARRR my ears” screeched bob holding his years with a look of utmost pain, Ahh so he cant fully control his enhanced senses thought getting up from his previous position on the floor. As he stood there the blood started trickling down his arm.

Drip stood there his forehead now had beads on sweat on it
Drip his hair rustled as there was a slight breeze in the room both combatants eyes never leaving each other.
Blood started trickling down from the wound it was about to fall when both combatants shot forward.

DRIP

The killer intent radiating from Bob could be felt within a 15 meter radius. Bob went in for the kill by flipping forward bringing his sword down like an ax handle. was one step ahead of him predicting He would go for the kill stopped at the last second took a step back and smoothly preformed a crescent kick his plan seemed to have worked as his heel connected with the back of Bobs head and sent him crashing through the ground towards the hull of the ship.

The drop of blood hit the ground

stood over the freshly created opening staring down at it staring. The smoke starts dying down debris stops moving everything is still. knew wasn’t over any minute now Bob would emerge from the wreckage but time was not with .As much as he would love to stay and finish this fight he knew Bobs crew had to have heard that crash and would any second barge through that door and he wanted to be long gone when they came.

suddenly remembered if Bob had recreated his ship to resemble the enterprise he knew where the engine room was. With this new found information pulsing through his body he broke into a sprint towards the engine room. As soon as he exited the room something under the rubble moved…
 
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Captain Bob, I like the Star Trek/Captain's log style you tried to use in this fight, but you focused on being more humerous than bringing quality/spine tingling action. It's definately going to be interesting to see how you develop this character over time, he has a mass of potential. If you stick with the humor factor he obviously incorporates, and then focus on giving pure energy-fed action, the sky is the limit. I figured I'd give you this venue, to see how you would react to actually forfilling the role of a swash bucklin' pirate.
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, you definately brought more "quantity", but the "quality" could improve. You could use some advice in the grammar department, especially in mechanics. Also, I noticed you crammed a lot of stuff together, that would have looked better spaced out.

[S] said:
“AHHH they found us RUN RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! knew he had to do something to get everyone’s attention so he bolted to his right punched his hand through the glass labelled power and pulled the switch down. At once they were submerged in extreme darkness. There was a deathly silence as finally spoke after all other noises of the crew walking into walls had died down and just a low exhale of air could be heard of all the crew in unison. “Now look I will go and get the atom stabilizer but you will all need to stay on board and work on the generator to get it up and running before I get back. As soon as I get back on board the pirates will know were here and our stealth generators will go offline so we need to get the **** out of here as soon as possible” He let everyone absorb that much information before he went on “If at anytime you manage to get the generator working blast off right away do not wait for me there is a chance I wont make it back alive and I am willing to take it as long as you all protect the cargo with your lives.
This blob you considered a paragraph, which makes me want to slap your english teacher, could be spaced to a certain and coveted way that makes it easier for someone to read, and even gives natural flow and length to your writing. I also fixed the mechanics, so please take notice in that factor as well.
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“AHHH they found us... RUN... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!

knew he had to do something to get everyone’s attention, so he bolted to his right and punched his hand through the glass labelled power, pulling the switch down. At once they were submerged in extreme darkness. There was a deathly silence as finally spoke, after all other noises of the crew walking into walls had died down, and just a low exhale of air could be heard of all the crew in unison.

“Now look... I will go and get the atom stabilizer, but you will all need to stay on board, and work on the generator to get it up and running before I get back. As soon as I get back on board, the pirates will know were here, and our stealth generators will go offline, so we need to get the **** out of here as soon as possible”

He let everyone absorb that much information before he left, “If at anytime you manage to get the generator working, blast off right away... do not wait for me. There is a chance I wont make it back alive, and I am willing to take it, as long as you all protect the cargo with your lives."
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Did you catch how I placed commas in appropiate places, breaking each action into "seperate" actions?
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Also, when using italics, it's designed for thoughts, not necessarily regular speech...
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Hwoarang walked forward, hearing rapid foot steps approaching from behind.

Who dares challenge the Iron Fist with such hostility?

The Tae Kwon Do prodigy turned, watching as four ninjas approached him, extending their kunais with professional intensity, "You are foolish to not study your opponent before you attack... you would have known to not attack me at all!"

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I've decided to give this round to , even though his mechanics could use a slight adjustment, he brought more intense action, which is what the venue demanded. Captain Bob, as I have stated above, I hope to see you bring your humor and more descriptive/heightened action in this next round.

You may begin Round 2.
 

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