BANG!!

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BANG.
BY: TANK

BANG……..That’s the last thing I remember before it all ended. I was a 16 year old
Male. Straight A’s Good in school. Respected anyone. One day I got off task and started taunting a lower 10th grader. Thought it was funny at the time. Called him stupid and retarded just because he looked funny. But that taunt Ended my life. One Week later, I think it was a Wednesday, I was walking in my homeroom. As soon as I walked BOOM! I heard the first gun shot. I thought I had been hit but I hadn’t it was a 16 year old girl next to me. It was the 10th Grader from last week. I noticed everyone was against the walls all huddled in a corner.. Looking at me with a scared glare. I started getting this sick feeling in my stomach like “My life was to short. Or I can’t die.” He had the gun pointed at me. After I stopped looking at the bleeding girl I looked up and noticed he looked at me with such hatred. Then he burst out, “ All I wanted in my life was friends and family to love me. Buutttt NooO! No one could love this….this idiot, special, Retarded fool!” “Well I’ll show who all deny my abilities…….STARTING WITH YOU!” With that word I felt the whole world shake and tremble until I noticed it was I who was shaking and trembling….. I never thought a couple of words could send a person to such insanity. “I’m Sorry for everything that I have done in the pas-”BOOM! Before I finished He pulled the trigger. Right then and there I thought I saw the bullet coming at me in slow-mo. I could see the bullet entering my flesh ripping anything away in its path. Such Pain. You know…..I think over 1 million thoughts rushed through my head between the time he pulled the trigger till the bullet hit me. Finally I hit the ground and I Remember him looking down at me and saying, “Who’s stupid now.” The last thing I saw was the kid putting the gun up to his mouth and before he could pull the trigger I Felt a sharp pain in my body. I felt my feet go numb. Then my hands went numb. I was going into shock then before my face went numb I felt my heart stop pumping. It felt like I was drowning. Worst thing I’ve ever experienced, and the last thing ill ever experience, all thanks to 2 words I said.

LAtely ive feltl lke writing some stories so i have :)
 
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Wow I like this story I think it teaches something I love this dude is awesome this story has a message to people of what could happen if you bother someone or something you never know what the other person could do to you.I really enjoy reading and I expect to see more stories from this.

I give this an

A ^_^ 100/10 oops! :laff:
 
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wow, that shows how the decay of Western Civilazation has infested the internet as well.
 
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Thats really good man, honestly, it has a strong message that people may not be able to take what you have to offer, being good or bad. It was a good story. Reminds me of the Columbine, sad thing it is. Being chronicly depressed myself I have had thoughts... but never to hurt another person, I could never bring myself to do something so horrible. Even though the people that tore me down showed no mercy, I could never even think about killing them.

But all people are different, I wish most people would think twice before they pick up a gun with those intentions, but you can't save every one. No matter what we do...

*EDIT*
DruDown said:
wow, that shows how the decay of Western Civilazation has infested the internet as well.
This thread is meant for Tank to express his feelings in story form, not for you to critisize the West, if you don't like it that way, don't post here.
 
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true. i wrote this last year after i wrote "The Ghost" which is in a nother fourm
 
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sorryfor thedouble post,
If neone would like a request story i would be glad to write one :)
 
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I request more stories I'll love to see more strong messages stories for some of the "IGNORANT" people we might have in this forum to at least understand..^_^
 
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Here's a request, something along the lines of battle, maybe a World War II soldier writing to his family before going into battle, things like that. I have confidance in your abilities now Tank, your a good writer keep it up.
 
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hmm, ok i accept to do it, ill write when i get done with whatever im doing :), (Im so tired!!) night night :)
 
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The idea was good, although you could have added more detail you left it up to the imagination, your paragraphs weren't spaced right, and your grammar and spelling were a bit off. Typical mistakes, though. And, if you write stories that are inspired rather than requested, you tend to do better. Choose a song to fit the mood of the story, it helps with the poetry.

Nice work, Tank. 8/10.

BTW, those are just suggestions, don't take them as even criticism because I loved your story. It's an angsty, hit-you-where-you-live (ignore the pun) type story that makes you feel creepy and "oh my gosh, that could really happen", which isn't my preferred genre, but it was cool.
 
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The spelling??? i even checked it all with works...it didnt detect nething wrong with it... but neways...im still going to the story of ww2 :), i know it wasnt critisism but i was jsut replying :)...i might add more detail i dont know i jsut made it when iw as boered so i dont know...
 

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Wow, really nice story tank. Good job. I give it a 10/10. Its really meaningfull, yet its really sad :( .
 
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well, when i get time from the magna of Three Surviving Saiyans and writing it, ill make another like this. k?
 

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