The Physics of Christmas

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1) No known species of reindeer can fly, but there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified. While most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children in the world (persons under 18), but since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist children, that reduces the workload by 85% of the total - leaving 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there is at least one good child per house.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different times zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000 th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc. That means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, at tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming each child get nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" can pull TEN TIMES that normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the _Queen Elizabeth_II.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second, each. In short, they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and creating a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized in 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa meanwhile, will be subject to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by a 4,315,015 pound force.

In conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents of Christmas Eve, he's now dead. (This will be something you can tell your kids someday!)

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I thought number 5 was friggin hilarious for some strange reason. Just picturing the reindeer exploding and Santa pinned to the back, so funny.
 
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LOL...i was dying after i got to 3-5...those made me laugh histerically...great work...and ur sig is nice too :)
 
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I think it's been posted before, and I must have gotten it in a forward at least 25 times, still clever though.
 
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Smith| said:
The lead pair will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second, each. In short, they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and creating a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized in 4.26 thousandths of a second.
Heh, that triggered one hell of a hillarious mental image.
 
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Its what we jews have been telling you for thousands of years. Your holiday is pointless.

Now Chanukah on the other hand...
 
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Rocky87 said:
Its what we jews have been telling you for thousands of years. Your holiday is pointless.

Now Chanukah on the other hand...
Both are equally pointless. Kwanza too.
 
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i feel a religious debate coming on...

but ill try to make this less religiously based if thats possible.

when looking at christmas from the standpoint of kids getting lots of presents, yes its pointless, but if you look at it as a festival of giving to others, its not pointless at all, it brings a lot of hapiness and unity to a lot of people...
 
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Rocky87 said:
Its what we jews have been telling you for thousands of years. Your holiday is pointless.

Now Chanukah on the other hand...

Santa's dead? Rocky's jewish? People actually spell Hanukah with a 'C'?
Bamboozled, I am

SailorAlea said:
Both are equally pointless. Kwanza too.
Halloween's where it's at
 
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SailorAlea said:
Both are equally pointless. Kwanza too.
I wouldn't say holidays are pointless. They not only ensure an economic burst through a religious aspect, materialistic guilt trips becoming the method of psychological security, but subconsciously represent a time of peace, and a way to realize you have survived most of another year. Religion has found it's way into basically everything we do. Religious holidays require "purchased" gifts to signify your acceptance of the specific religion you claim to represent personally. We say "Oh my God!" in times of panic, disbelief, and confusion. Many priests and pastors are considered community leaders, and many organizations feed off the "religious money train" to help their own businesses. To finish with an obvious point, religion has always been an effective way to control the inhibitions of the masses, and hyperactive kids in respect to this topic's criteria. (Christmas)
 
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My physics teacher handed us this joke a few weeks ago :p
 
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Synth said:
I wouldn't say holidays are pointless. They not only ensure an economic burst through a religious aspect, materialistic guilt trips becoming the method of psychological security, but subconsciously represent a time of peace, and a way to realize you have survived most of another year. Religion has found it's way into basically everything we do. Religious holidays require "purchased" gifts to signify your acceptance of the specific religion you claim to represent personally. We say "Oh my God!" in times of panic, disbelief, and confusion. Many priests and pastors are considered community leaders, and many organizations feed off the "religious money train" to help their own businesses. To finish with an obvious point, religion has always been an effective way to control the inhibitions of the masses, and hyperactive kids in respect to this topic's criteria. (Christmas)
Err...let's not discuss religious themes. We know where this leads and how people generally react to such discussion. Not only that, but many posts of that nature tend to be overly opinionated and can easily offend others.

So, having said that, let's just keep this thread centred on the 5-point, hilarious observation of physics posted above.
 
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That was on the first page of my physics diploma as a tension breaker.

Great, now Im done laughing I can go and fail my exam!

Its really a shame that Christmas has become so commecialized. The only reason the shopping mall is so jovial is because they know theyre getting your money. I really wish people would just agree to buy presents for themselves. This way, everyone gets what they want. Or better yet, lets just skip the consumerism (which is nice, but holy ****, it gets overdone) and not buy anything. Large Christmas dinners, now that is what really matters. Who really remembers the Lego, Micromachines, etc, that they got when they were kids? I remember going to my grandmas for a feast of Turkey, potatos'n'gravy, stuffing, sweet potato... oh, sorry, just having an Easter flashback.

Anyway, cut the crap, make Christmas about the family, not about some fatass in a suit with airborne quadrupeds.
 
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Damn you! Now I have to go change my pants, I think I pissed in them. Oh well, it was worth it.
 
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frsrblch said:
That was on the first page of my physics diploma as a tension breaker.

Great, now Im done laughing I can go and fail my exam!

Its really a shame that Christmas has become so commecialized. The only reason the shopping mall is so jovial is because they know theyre getting your money. I really wish people would just agree to buy presents for themselves. This way, everyone gets what they want. Or better yet, lets just skip the consumerism (which is nice, but holy ****, it gets overdone) and not buy anything. Large Christmas dinners, now that is what really matters. Who really remembers the Lego, Micromachines, etc, that they got when they were kids? I remember going to my grandmas for a feast of Turkey, potatos'n'gravy, stuffing, sweet potato... oh, sorry, just having an Easter flashback.

Anyway, cut the crap, make Christmas about the family, not about some fatass in a suit with airborne quadrupeds.

You're still spending money on hefty amounts of food etc. Unless you grow your own turkeys but that might be going a bit far.
 
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You're all going to hell. First Smith|, then Rocky, then the rest of you.

Oh yeah and anyone who eats Turkey over Turducken (a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey) is missing out on the best meal ever (and cholesterol).
 
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how the heck do you fit a chicken in a duck?! o_O
 
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Large duck, baby chicken. It can feed ten people and tastes great :)
 

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