Just showing you that you're always in my heart bro.
http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/230854_3832539818063_320143955_n.jpg
http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/230854_3832539818063_320143955_n.jpg
For those that don't know, I often make posts or, in situations that warrant it, entire threads about spiders that I encounter on the field of battle. I don't always post about these engagements, but if I thought an opponent put up a particularly worthy fight, I need to let the world know of my victory. Suffice it to say, I've killed countless spiders and made my fair share of posts. So do not take it lightly when I say that if I were an admin, the spider I am about to tell you about would get not a post, and not a thread, but an entire forum section dedicated to my triumph over this soulless abomination.
Our story begins one fine night this summer. I was eating dinner in the kitchen, which had slowly started to become my favorite part of the day. I watch Netflix, eat, and am oblivious to the world. It's bliss.
So I'm eating, and out of the corner of my eye I spot this ******* elephant sprinting across the room. But I'm like halfway through this great meal, and I'm watching Farscape which is the greatest show in the entire world, so I think nothing of it. I can't let my imagination get in the way of Farscape. I finish my meal. I wallow in the self pity and disdain that comes from eating the entirety of an hour long show, and that's when I look to my right. It's 4 feet away from me, and it's been watching me this entire time. I suspect it considers ending my life right now, but given the pathetic state that I'm in, I think it decides not to do me the favor. And so it watches with pure disdain, possibly in a state of disbelief that the bloated and sluggish creature before it was the one and only Sub, legendary and infamous among all spider kind.
I can't quite describe what is going on in my head at this point. Normally my reaction would be one of fear or a fury of action that results in its death. This time was different, though. Not only was I mostly immobilized thanks to all the that food I ate, but I was also in awe of this disgusting creature. It was by far the biggest spider I've ever seen. I wanted to take pictures and document it for science, because no one would ever believe that this thing exists. As I motioned to get up and obtain a camera, that's when it sprang into action. I don't know why I thought this evil monstrosity would let this fly.
In an instant I was overpowered and knocked onto the ground. I catch my last glimpse of it scurrying under the stove before succumbing to blackness and losing consciousness. I was defeated, distraught, and bulging and the seams, but I had gained one key victory that night -- I discovered where it lived.
NEXT TIME ON SUB'S POST:
Will Sub ever regain consciousness?
Is the spider really faster than flash and superman combined?
Can you actually purchase guns at Walmart?
AND MORE
Our story begins one fine night this summer. I was eating dinner in the kitchen, which had slowly started to become my favorite part of the day. I watch Netflix, eat, and am oblivious to the world. It's bliss.
So I'm eating, and out of the corner of my eye I spot this ******* elephant sprinting across the room. But I'm like halfway through this great meal, and I'm watching Farscape which is the greatest show in the entire world, so I think nothing of it. I can't let my imagination get in the way of Farscape. I finish my meal. I wallow in the self pity and disdain that comes from eating the entirety of an hour long show, and that's when I look to my right. It's 4 feet away from me, and it's been watching me this entire time. I suspect it considers ending my life right now, but given the pathetic state that I'm in, I think it decides not to do me the favor. And so it watches with pure disdain, possibly in a state of disbelief that the bloated and sluggish creature before it was the one and only Sub, legendary and infamous among all spider kind.
I can't quite describe what is going on in my head at this point. Normally my reaction would be one of fear or a fury of action that results in its death. This time was different, though. Not only was I mostly immobilized thanks to all the that food I ate, but I was also in awe of this disgusting creature. It was by far the biggest spider I've ever seen. I wanted to take pictures and document it for science, because no one would ever believe that this thing exists. As I motioned to get up and obtain a camera, that's when it sprang into action. I don't know why I thought this evil monstrosity would let this fly.
In an instant I was overpowered and knocked onto the ground. I catch my last glimpse of it scurrying under the stove before succumbing to blackness and losing consciousness. I was defeated, distraught, and bulging and the seams, but I had gained one key victory that night -- I discovered where it lived.
NEXT TIME ON SUB'S POST:
Will Sub ever regain consciousness?
Is the spider really faster than flash and superman combined?
Can you actually purchase guns at Walmart?
AND MORE
TeeHee
Banned
LOL ITS A PICTURE
Death from Above
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Seriously, Sub I feel you! The weird part is I loooooved small spiders when I was a rascal! I used to hold them in my hand wishing they would bit me so that I would turn into Spider-Man! I used to dream I was Spider-Man, climbing on school walls and whatnot. But, lately I've been afraid of spiders, and this summer I spent a good 15 minutes hunting the biggest I've ever seen.
It was in a "cabin" my girlfriends parents rented for a week and we were visiting them. I woke up in the middle of the night, one eye still shut and opened the bathroom door. Seriously, ******* elephant like you said was right infront of me! Adrenaline kicked in big time... I couldn't kill it with my bare hands or feet so I started looking around for tools to use as an extension of my arm, kill it from a distance. The only thing I could find was a case for glasses, but I didn't want to get it all bloody, so I wrapped toilet paper around it. Then I approached the ****er from behind, my legs where shaking, and BAMM I hit where it stood. But the ****er started climbing up my homemade tool I was holding?!?!! Dropped my weapon to the ground and he went back to the shadows.
We were sleeping on the floor that night on some mattresses... I was not going to go back to bed before I killed the damn thing! So I pulled out what he was hiding behind, and launched a second attack on his ass. This time, I got him! I squashed him hard and heard the lovely crunchy sound effects (yeah, that's how big he was). But still, when I raised my hand to see my results..... he could still move! He was fast as shit!! It took me 3-5 minutes to gather courage in between my attacks, he was immense and I started to think he was invulnerable. But after 5 consecutive attacks, he could not move anymore. It was in the middle of the night, and after I flushed him down the toilet, I couldn't even fall asleep anymore.
I couldn't get the idea out of my mind, that his family would take revenge on him and creep into my mouth while I was sleeping.
It was in a "cabin" my girlfriends parents rented for a week and we were visiting them. I woke up in the middle of the night, one eye still shut and opened the bathroom door. Seriously, ******* elephant like you said was right infront of me! Adrenaline kicked in big time... I couldn't kill it with my bare hands or feet so I started looking around for tools to use as an extension of my arm, kill it from a distance. The only thing I could find was a case for glasses, but I didn't want to get it all bloody, so I wrapped toilet paper around it. Then I approached the ****er from behind, my legs where shaking, and BAMM I hit where it stood. But the ****er started climbing up my homemade tool I was holding?!?!! Dropped my weapon to the ground and he went back to the shadows.
We were sleeping on the floor that night on some mattresses... I was not going to go back to bed before I killed the damn thing! So I pulled out what he was hiding behind, and launched a second attack on his ass. This time, I got him! I squashed him hard and heard the lovely crunchy sound effects (yeah, that's how big he was). But still, when I raised my hand to see my results..... he could still move! He was fast as shit!! It took me 3-5 minutes to gather courage in between my attacks, he was immense and I started to think he was invulnerable. But after 5 consecutive attacks, he could not move anymore. It was in the middle of the night, and after I flushed him down the toilet, I couldn't even fall asleep anymore.
I couldn't get the idea out of my mind, that his family would take revenge on him and creep into my mouth while I was sleeping.
FP Wannabe
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Once I was camping in the woods, and when going back to my tent to get some shut eye, there it was, the ******* elephant was right at the entrance of my tent, like it was taunting me "come on, go into your tent, I'm harmless, I won't do anything". Then I realized the bugger had commited a critical mistake, it was not ON my tent, which would've stopped me from attacking it with the big guns to avoid damaging my own home, it was on the ground instead, I grabbed my big fat right foot slipper, and threw it off a distance, nailing the target. The excitement of my victory did not last long however, upon being crushed to death, it spit all of its babies onto my tent, hundreds of little spiders running and around my tent, making me go on a walk around the woods for another two hours before attempting to enter the tent again...
Swag
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tl;dr
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Hey man, that was hilarious, please go on.
Just kidding, this would've been hilarious if we were on 4 chan or in highschool still. or maybe not.
NOT IN THE MANGA™
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