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Since I'm back, I'm rather anxious to fight somebody. Any takers?
OPEN CHALLENGE!!!11one
- Thread starter Spunky
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Alright, gentlemen, I'll ref this bout. Here's the setting:
A long high-way stretching out through the barren plains of Forumscant; eight black lanes still hot from a sweltering July sun. Even now, as the sun falls away, the steady hum of passing cars is never-ceasing. Families migrating from their old homes to a new hope. And along this dark high-way travels a man, a blind man, of special descent. He is the last remaining member of the Hochi Family, an old blue-blooded line, and he travels with his empire to the newly minted country of Nova Beta.
He, along with a driver and one body-guard, travels within a stretch limousine and, in flanking positions on all four sides, is guarded by an entourage of motorbikes and Jeeps. They drive with eyes guarded, observing all sides, waiting for any attack. Their arsenal at hand. The body-guard, looks up, and, as the last ray of light dies, shifts his footing slightly and grips the handle of a shadowed weapon.
Who are you?
The body-guard, keeping the old man safe for money? A kidnapper, looking to capture and ransom him? Or just a hunter, eager for a taste of that blue blood?
Post your smack-talk, and begin!
A long high-way stretching out through the barren plains of Forumscant; eight black lanes still hot from a sweltering July sun. Even now, as the sun falls away, the steady hum of passing cars is never-ceasing. Families migrating from their old homes to a new hope. And along this dark high-way travels a man, a blind man, of special descent. He is the last remaining member of the Hochi Family, an old blue-blooded line, and he travels with his empire to the newly minted country of Nova Beta.
He, along with a driver and one body-guard, travels within a stretch limousine and, in flanking positions on all four sides, is guarded by an entourage of motorbikes and Jeeps. They drive with eyes guarded, observing all sides, waiting for any attack. Their arsenal at hand. The body-guard, looks up, and, as the last ray of light dies, shifts his footing slightly and grips the handle of a shadowed weapon.
Who are you?
The body-guard, keeping the old man safe for money? A kidnapper, looking to capture and ransom him? Or just a hunter, eager for a taste of that blue blood?
Post your smack-talk, and begin!
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Pfft, you panzy, this'll be the easiest fight of my career.
Edit: My character is a vampire, he can't go out during the day. Can ya make it night?
Done and done!
~Engar
Edit: My character is a vampire, he can't go out during the day. Can ya make it night?
Done and done!
~Engar
Active Member
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
As the sun slowly descended over the horizon, Astroz Delmar stood smiling at the moon. "What a clear, cool night", he said. "I wonder what's keeping the motorcade. It should have rolled through here by now".
Astroz stood alone on the highway. He stood calmly, trying to sense living creatures arond him. After a minute, he gave up, sighed, and sat down. Twenty minutes passed, and he began to fidget with his .45, which was tucked securely inside his coat. He stood up once again, trying desperately to sense a life force. He could sense a strong life force--or perhaps several weaker life forces--approaching. "Damnit", he said. "I can't tell how far away they are. I can't take the risk of guessing, so I'll just have to wait, and stay ready". He sat back down, seemingly relaxed.
Ten minutes passed. Suddenly, headlights could be seen in the distance. Standing up, Astroz could now tell how far away they were. "Not too far, and it looks like there aren't as many of them as I thought there would be", he said. He looked up at the moon and smiled. His eyes slowly turned from green to red. He was ready...
Suddenly, he heard the soft sound of running footsteps behind him, rapidly getting closer. He spun around, just in time to get a sword through the throat. His opponent was dressed in a light material. Some kind of lightweight fabric he couldn't identify. It remained a mystery to Astroz why he was unable to sense his opponent approaching.
Astroz fell to the ground. His opponent approached to check his pulse. Satisfied, he withdrew from the corpse, removed his sword from Astroz' throat, and sat down in the middle of the road. "Hmm, I wonder who that guy is", he thought. "Oh well, doesn't matter. He's dead, and I can focus on my task".
The motorcade came closer and closer, it's headlights getting bigger and bigger. It began to slow down, and finally came to a halt. A man stepped out, looked around, and then walked back to the armored limousine in the middle of the motorcade. He opened the door, and a sharply dressed older man stepped out. He wasted no time, and approached Astroz' corpse slowly. He observed the wound where the sword had penetrated, and then noticed the swordman sitting in the road. "SA_Gohan, I presume?", he asked. "You've done your work well, but this sword wound won't be enough".
SA_Gohan stood up, and walked over to the corpse. "Why not?", he asked. "He looks plenty dead to me". The old man gave him a serious look. "You don't understand. This creature is one of the oldest vampires in existance", he said. "If killing Astroz Delmar were as simple as that, he wouldn't be here in front of me. He would have died long ago".
The old man smirked. "But, you have done a commendable service to me, so I will pay you in full", he said. "But only after you finish the job". The old man withdrew, and got back into his limousine. SA_Gohan stood alone, thinking to himself. After a few minutes, he nodded, and drew his sword. He raised his sword high above his head, and slashed downward to cut off Astroz' head. A split second before his sword would have beheaded the creature, his legs were swept from underneath him, and a cold harsh laugh could be heard.
Getting to his feet, SA_Gohan looked down upon the corpse, just in time to see the creature's neck wound healing. The laughing continued, and SA_Gohan suddenly felt very afraid. He slowly backed away from the corpse as it began to move. Astroz got to his feet, looked around, and spotted SA_Gohan standing there, petrified.
Astroz stretched his arms and legs, and smiled. His eyes slowly faded from red to green, and a mystic aura could be felt around him. He slowly approached SA_Gohan, and stopped a mere five feet away from him. The two of them stood, looking each other dead in the eyes. Astroz reached inside of his jacket, and pulled out his .45. "You made a big mistake coming here. The old man will die, and I will finally be able to feed, after such a long time".
SA_Gohan stared at Astroz blankly. "I killed you!", he exclaimed. "I stabbed you through the throat. You died!". Astroz smiled, shook his head, and rushed SA_Gohan. Taking him by the shoulder, Astroz threw him off the highway. He stood up on the highway, watching his opponent fall to the ground below. Midway through the fall, SA_Gohan kicked his legs at the air, spinning himself upright, and landed on his feet. He immediately looked around at his environment. There was nothing but dirt around him. "Not much of an environmental advantage", he said. "He's got the high ground, and I'm completely exposed down here. I'll have to draw him down here". Astroz began shooting at the ground below. SA_Gohan's heightened agility and speed allowed him to weave his way past the bullets, and finally make his way underneath the highway.
Astroz stood high above, with a look of concern on his face. "I don't understand how he was able to land perfectly from such a high fall. It must be a thirty foot drop to the bottom", he said. "I wonder...". His eyes once again shifted from green to red, and he leapt from the highway. He fell to the ground below, landed on his feet, and was immediately rushed by SA_Gohan. Dodging his sword, Astroz began to feel a long-forgotten thirst building inside of him. He wanted to feed. He wanted to feed more than anything in the world, and so he allowed SA_Gohan's sword to pierce his flesh. Now, SA_Gohan was completely vulnerable, and so Astroz wrenched his sword from his hands, and bit him on the shoulder. He drank, and he drank, and felt a rush like no other...
Letting go, SA_Gohan fell to the ground, groaning. He tried to stand up several times, but felt too dizzy and so he fell back down. Astroz stood above him, blood dripping from his mouth. His eyes were burning red. Looking up, SA_Gohan could only distinguish what looked to be a demon, with it's back against the moon. He was once again petrified...
Astroz stood alone on the highway. He stood calmly, trying to sense living creatures arond him. After a minute, he gave up, sighed, and sat down. Twenty minutes passed, and he began to fidget with his .45, which was tucked securely inside his coat. He stood up once again, trying desperately to sense a life force. He could sense a strong life force--or perhaps several weaker life forces--approaching. "Damnit", he said. "I can't tell how far away they are. I can't take the risk of guessing, so I'll just have to wait, and stay ready". He sat back down, seemingly relaxed.
Ten minutes passed. Suddenly, headlights could be seen in the distance. Standing up, Astroz could now tell how far away they were. "Not too far, and it looks like there aren't as many of them as I thought there would be", he said. He looked up at the moon and smiled. His eyes slowly turned from green to red. He was ready...
Suddenly, he heard the soft sound of running footsteps behind him, rapidly getting closer. He spun around, just in time to get a sword through the throat. His opponent was dressed in a light material. Some kind of lightweight fabric he couldn't identify. It remained a mystery to Astroz why he was unable to sense his opponent approaching.
Astroz fell to the ground. His opponent approached to check his pulse. Satisfied, he withdrew from the corpse, removed his sword from Astroz' throat, and sat down in the middle of the road. "Hmm, I wonder who that guy is", he thought. "Oh well, doesn't matter. He's dead, and I can focus on my task".
The motorcade came closer and closer, it's headlights getting bigger and bigger. It began to slow down, and finally came to a halt. A man stepped out, looked around, and then walked back to the armored limousine in the middle of the motorcade. He opened the door, and a sharply dressed older man stepped out. He wasted no time, and approached Astroz' corpse slowly. He observed the wound where the sword had penetrated, and then noticed the swordman sitting in the road. "SA_Gohan, I presume?", he asked. "You've done your work well, but this sword wound won't be enough".
SA_Gohan stood up, and walked over to the corpse. "Why not?", he asked. "He looks plenty dead to me". The old man gave him a serious look. "You don't understand. This creature is one of the oldest vampires in existance", he said. "If killing Astroz Delmar were as simple as that, he wouldn't be here in front of me. He would have died long ago".
The old man smirked. "But, you have done a commendable service to me, so I will pay you in full", he said. "But only after you finish the job". The old man withdrew, and got back into his limousine. SA_Gohan stood alone, thinking to himself. After a few minutes, he nodded, and drew his sword. He raised his sword high above his head, and slashed downward to cut off Astroz' head. A split second before his sword would have beheaded the creature, his legs were swept from underneath him, and a cold harsh laugh could be heard.
Getting to his feet, SA_Gohan looked down upon the corpse, just in time to see the creature's neck wound healing. The laughing continued, and SA_Gohan suddenly felt very afraid. He slowly backed away from the corpse as it began to move. Astroz got to his feet, looked around, and spotted SA_Gohan standing there, petrified.
Astroz stretched his arms and legs, and smiled. His eyes slowly faded from red to green, and a mystic aura could be felt around him. He slowly approached SA_Gohan, and stopped a mere five feet away from him. The two of them stood, looking each other dead in the eyes. Astroz reached inside of his jacket, and pulled out his .45. "You made a big mistake coming here. The old man will die, and I will finally be able to feed, after such a long time".
SA_Gohan stared at Astroz blankly. "I killed you!", he exclaimed. "I stabbed you through the throat. You died!". Astroz smiled, shook his head, and rushed SA_Gohan. Taking him by the shoulder, Astroz threw him off the highway. He stood up on the highway, watching his opponent fall to the ground below. Midway through the fall, SA_Gohan kicked his legs at the air, spinning himself upright, and landed on his feet. He immediately looked around at his environment. There was nothing but dirt around him. "Not much of an environmental advantage", he said. "He's got the high ground, and I'm completely exposed down here. I'll have to draw him down here". Astroz began shooting at the ground below. SA_Gohan's heightened agility and speed allowed him to weave his way past the bullets, and finally make his way underneath the highway.
Astroz stood high above, with a look of concern on his face. "I don't understand how he was able to land perfectly from such a high fall. It must be a thirty foot drop to the bottom", he said. "I wonder...". His eyes once again shifted from green to red, and he leapt from the highway. He fell to the ground below, landed on his feet, and was immediately rushed by SA_Gohan. Dodging his sword, Astroz began to feel a long-forgotten thirst building inside of him. He wanted to feed. He wanted to feed more than anything in the world, and so he allowed SA_Gohan's sword to pierce his flesh. Now, SA_Gohan was completely vulnerable, and so Astroz wrenched his sword from his hands, and bit him on the shoulder. He drank, and he drank, and felt a rush like no other...
Letting go, SA_Gohan fell to the ground, groaning. He tried to stand up several times, but felt too dizzy and so he fell back down. Astroz stood above him, blood dripping from his mouth. His eyes were burning red. Looking up, SA_Gohan could only distinguish what looked to be a demon, with it's back against the moon. He was once again petrified...
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"I could kill him for you. I could make him bleed. Make him burn.
I could make him beg."
***
There had once been cars speed down this lonely stretch of road. Filled with families full of hopes and dreams of new life in the distant reaches of Forumscant. Filled with men and women, making the long, arduous journey their jobs required. Filled with the fire of new life.
And then he sensed it.
The once vibrant life of the highway trickled to a stop.
The sun set.
Twilight came.
And a lone motorcade sped down the now deserted road, so marked by destiny's cold eye that all else fled from its vicinity.
Astroz smiled. In a few short minutes, many people were going to die very gruesomely.
The vampire stood now, throwing back the coat which had guarded him during the long hours of day, and looked to the west towards the oncoming set of headlights treading its way down the highway. His smile grew broader.
He fingered the pistol at his side, modified more to the point of being a hand cannon capable of blowing through military grade armor, and strode out to the middle of the road . . .
***
"Is that what you wish? Is that what you yearn for with every fiber of your being? Dark, unrelenting revenge?"
***
Screaming.
Terrified, distant.
Astroz glanced around him. There was only emptiness on these plains, and yet the screams continued. Terror filled. Chilling to any except such as he.
Then it stopped.
The motorcade was a mile away now. Astroz was almost invisible upon the black surface of the road on this moonless night.
Blink.
The motorcade burned. The limousine, the cars, and the motorcycle escorts. And above them all a cackling skull hovered, it too on fire.
Blink.
The motorcade was normal once again. The skull was gone.
Astroz shuddered slightly. His telepathic abilities did not often grant him premonitions. And never before had he experienced one so unsettling.
He breathed in deeply then gave a feral grin. Tonight was going to be special.
The motorcade was less than half a mile away.
The moon demon raised his pistol and leveled it at the front of the lead car. The shot would be more than enough to pierce that vehicle, and obliterate the front end of the limousine trailing right behind it.
They were so close now he could make out the individual people with his heightened vision.
"A good night indeed."
***
"Yes."
***
The vampire tightened his finger, the muscles and skin starting the release of immense power-
Suddenly the motorcade erupted.
Fire was everywhere. The light was blinding. It was as though a nova had blossomed in its center.
Hot wind washed over Astroz's, and his jaw dropped at the suddenness of the conflagration. Then the burning remains of the limousine came barreling out of the flames, and surprise changed to horror. The cackling of the skull he'd seen before suddenly filled his ears.
He screamed at himself to act, struggled to free himself from the fear induced stupor, and at the last possible moment threw himself to the side and off of the road.
He struggled up, fighting to regain his footing against the shockwaves which were only now dying down.
The vampire turned his gaze to the blistering hot center of the detonation, wondering what the hell happened, when he saw him.
Silhouetted against a wall of flame, his form wavering in the incredible heat of the explosion, Sven Alenenz_Gorden was darkness incarnate.
He strode towards the vampire, movements slow and measured, his sword drawn and pointed down and to the side, trailing a line of blackness darker than the obsidian pavement.
Astroz suddenly felt his chest well with a feeling he'd never known before.
Unbridled terror.
For what he saw before him was not a being of this world, the galaxy, or even this dimension. This creature was a harbinger of death. Every thought, every action, focused upon the extinguishing of life.
The vampire's self-control splintered. This horror, this thing that could not, should not exist in the worlds of mortal, stood before him and it was only through the most monumental force of will that he held his place.
And then it spoke.
"The time has come for you, a demon walking this world, to see vengeance served and retribution delivered for all that you have done upon the only thing you truly have left."
Astroz's eyes widened.
"Courtesy, Mr. Kyle Carter."
***
"There is a price for everything, and vengeance the steepest of them all. You will suffer for all eternity."
***
His self-control shattered, and Astroz whipped his pistol up, aimed, and fired.
Die Click. Kachunk. BANG
A slug, directly to the forehead, knocking SA_g's head back at an unnatural angle.
DIE Click. Kachunk. BANG
Another to the heart, this one knocking him back a step.
DIE! Click. Kachunk. BANG
Yet another this one to the stomach doubling him over viciously.
DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIEDIE!!!!
A dozen shots burst from Astroz's gun, first focusing on vital areas, then targeting arms, then legs. It seemed an eternity to the vampire before his gun clicked empty.
He lowered it slowly, the barrel glowing red, his arm shaking from exertion.
And SA_g was slumped forward, sword held in his weak grasp as blood poured copiously from a dozen wounds.
The sound of the crackling fire, and final screams of the dying faded away. The only thing to be heard was SA's heavy labored breathing.
Then slowly, he straightened. The slug in his forehead glinted in the dull light; blood ran in a pair of rivulets down his face. And a grin split the shadows of his face.
A gasp escaped him, bordering on ecstasy.
"Ah. Pain."
Light as shadow, the shinigami flitted forwards.
***
"I don't care."
BleEED him. BUUrn him. And when at last he weeps for mercy and forgiveness. . .
***
A fleeting premonition was all that saved him.
Astroz leapt back, narrowly avoiding a blow from the shinigami's sword that would have decapitated him, then rolled to the side as another lightning fast stroke came from above.
He'd never been more terrified or focused in his life. The world around him became surreal hyper defined, and moved in slow motion. Adrenaline flooded his system, heightening speed, strength, reflexes, and the premonitions which in the past had come so rarely, flickered on and off before his eyes, giving him the barest of insights he needed to stay alive.
And it was still barely enough.
He rolled again, came up, only to have to bring up his gun in an effort to block yet another deadly sword swipe.
He lashed out with a kick, but his clumsy and desperate effort was brushed aside with barely a thought, and he nearly paid for it.
He dodged again, and again, blocked, and as he did, the mounting hopelessness of his situation registered in his mind.
His body was slowing, his vision beginning to blur. He needed to reload, he needed a second, just a second to snatch the clip from his pocket, jam it in place, and fire . . . but that second would not be forthcoming.
Already he was bleeding from several near misses, bruised from hard, panicked dodges, or vicious punches and kicks from his adversary. He could not last. Tears of frustration and anger and hatred welled into his eyes and poured down his cheeks. Was this how his life was to end? This night? Killed by this creature?
Another stroke from SA's blade came for his head, this one faster than most, and Astroz threw himself to the side-
and suddenly found himself brought short as his shoulder found the side of one of the wrecked vehicles of the motorcade.
****!
His eye's widened and he scrambled to turn around, willing his body to move faster than it ever had before-
Far too late. The shinigami's blade sliced through flesh, sinew and bone of his shoulder with ease, and pinioned him against the wrecks door.
"NO! PLEASE!"
The blade withdrew with vicious suddenness a split second later, then started back in, this time straight for Astroz's face.
***
KILL him.
***
I could make him beg."
***
There had once been cars speed down this lonely stretch of road. Filled with families full of hopes and dreams of new life in the distant reaches of Forumscant. Filled with men and women, making the long, arduous journey their jobs required. Filled with the fire of new life.
And then he sensed it.
The once vibrant life of the highway trickled to a stop.
The sun set.
Twilight came.
And a lone motorcade sped down the now deserted road, so marked by destiny's cold eye that all else fled from its vicinity.
Astroz smiled. In a few short minutes, many people were going to die very gruesomely.
The vampire stood now, throwing back the coat which had guarded him during the long hours of day, and looked to the west towards the oncoming set of headlights treading its way down the highway. His smile grew broader.
He fingered the pistol at his side, modified more to the point of being a hand cannon capable of blowing through military grade armor, and strode out to the middle of the road . . .
***
"Is that what you wish? Is that what you yearn for with every fiber of your being? Dark, unrelenting revenge?"
***
Screaming.
Terrified, distant.
Astroz glanced around him. There was only emptiness on these plains, and yet the screams continued. Terror filled. Chilling to any except such as he.
Then it stopped.
The motorcade was a mile away now. Astroz was almost invisible upon the black surface of the road on this moonless night.
Blink.
The motorcade burned. The limousine, the cars, and the motorcycle escorts. And above them all a cackling skull hovered, it too on fire.
Blink.
The motorcade was normal once again. The skull was gone.
Astroz shuddered slightly. His telepathic abilities did not often grant him premonitions. And never before had he experienced one so unsettling.
He breathed in deeply then gave a feral grin. Tonight was going to be special.
The motorcade was less than half a mile away.
The moon demon raised his pistol and leveled it at the front of the lead car. The shot would be more than enough to pierce that vehicle, and obliterate the front end of the limousine trailing right behind it.
They were so close now he could make out the individual people with his heightened vision.
"A good night indeed."
***
"Yes."
***
The vampire tightened his finger, the muscles and skin starting the release of immense power-
Suddenly the motorcade erupted.
Fire was everywhere. The light was blinding. It was as though a nova had blossomed in its center.
Hot wind washed over Astroz's, and his jaw dropped at the suddenness of the conflagration. Then the burning remains of the limousine came barreling out of the flames, and surprise changed to horror. The cackling of the skull he'd seen before suddenly filled his ears.
He screamed at himself to act, struggled to free himself from the fear induced stupor, and at the last possible moment threw himself to the side and off of the road.
He struggled up, fighting to regain his footing against the shockwaves which were only now dying down.
The vampire turned his gaze to the blistering hot center of the detonation, wondering what the hell happened, when he saw him.
Silhouetted against a wall of flame, his form wavering in the incredible heat of the explosion, Sven Alenenz_Gorden was darkness incarnate.
He strode towards the vampire, movements slow and measured, his sword drawn and pointed down and to the side, trailing a line of blackness darker than the obsidian pavement.
Astroz suddenly felt his chest well with a feeling he'd never known before.
Unbridled terror.
For what he saw before him was not a being of this world, the galaxy, or even this dimension. This creature was a harbinger of death. Every thought, every action, focused upon the extinguishing of life.
The vampire's self-control splintered. This horror, this thing that could not, should not exist in the worlds of mortal, stood before him and it was only through the most monumental force of will that he held his place.
And then it spoke.
"The time has come for you, a demon walking this world, to see vengeance served and retribution delivered for all that you have done upon the only thing you truly have left."
Astroz's eyes widened.
"Courtesy, Mr. Kyle Carter."
***
"There is a price for everything, and vengeance the steepest of them all. You will suffer for all eternity."
***
His self-control shattered, and Astroz whipped his pistol up, aimed, and fired.
Die Click. Kachunk. BANG
A slug, directly to the forehead, knocking SA_g's head back at an unnatural angle.
DIE Click. Kachunk. BANG
Another to the heart, this one knocking him back a step.
DIE! Click. Kachunk. BANG
Yet another this one to the stomach doubling him over viciously.
DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIEDIE!!!!
A dozen shots burst from Astroz's gun, first focusing on vital areas, then targeting arms, then legs. It seemed an eternity to the vampire before his gun clicked empty.
He lowered it slowly, the barrel glowing red, his arm shaking from exertion.
And SA_g was slumped forward, sword held in his weak grasp as blood poured copiously from a dozen wounds.
The sound of the crackling fire, and final screams of the dying faded away. The only thing to be heard was SA's heavy labored breathing.
Then slowly, he straightened. The slug in his forehead glinted in the dull light; blood ran in a pair of rivulets down his face. And a grin split the shadows of his face.
A gasp escaped him, bordering on ecstasy.
"Ah. Pain."
Light as shadow, the shinigami flitted forwards.
***
"I don't care."
BleEED him. BUUrn him. And when at last he weeps for mercy and forgiveness. . .
***
A fleeting premonition was all that saved him.
Astroz leapt back, narrowly avoiding a blow from the shinigami's sword that would have decapitated him, then rolled to the side as another lightning fast stroke came from above.
He'd never been more terrified or focused in his life. The world around him became surreal hyper defined, and moved in slow motion. Adrenaline flooded his system, heightening speed, strength, reflexes, and the premonitions which in the past had come so rarely, flickered on and off before his eyes, giving him the barest of insights he needed to stay alive.
And it was still barely enough.
He rolled again, came up, only to have to bring up his gun in an effort to block yet another deadly sword swipe.
He lashed out with a kick, but his clumsy and desperate effort was brushed aside with barely a thought, and he nearly paid for it.
He dodged again, and again, blocked, and as he did, the mounting hopelessness of his situation registered in his mind.
His body was slowing, his vision beginning to blur. He needed to reload, he needed a second, just a second to snatch the clip from his pocket, jam it in place, and fire . . . but that second would not be forthcoming.
Already he was bleeding from several near misses, bruised from hard, panicked dodges, or vicious punches and kicks from his adversary. He could not last. Tears of frustration and anger and hatred welled into his eyes and poured down his cheeks. Was this how his life was to end? This night? Killed by this creature?
Another stroke from SA's blade came for his head, this one faster than most, and Astroz threw himself to the side-
and suddenly found himself brought short as his shoulder found the side of one of the wrecked vehicles of the motorcade.
****!
His eye's widened and he scrambled to turn around, willing his body to move faster than it ever had before-
Far too late. The shinigami's blade sliced through flesh, sinew and bone of his shoulder with ease, and pinioned him against the wrecks door.
"NO! PLEASE!"
The blade withdrew with vicious suddenness a split second later, then started back in, this time straight for Astroz's face.
***
KILL him.
***
*blinks* What happened to that whole 'Don't post for five months' thing we hold so dear, here.
Ahem, judgement shall be rendered in T-7 hours. I'd do it right now but I'm fairly sure that I'll die if I don't find an asprin..
Edit: Tomorrow. Tonight I'm concentrating on keeping my insides inside. Bloody flu..
~Don't even worry about it until your well dude.~ SA
Ahem, judgement shall be rendered in T-7 hours. I'd do it right now but I'm fairly sure that I'll die if I don't find an asprin..
Edit: Tomorrow. Tonight I'm concentrating on keeping my insides inside. Bloody flu..
~Don't even worry about it until your well dude.~ SA
You guys certainly terrified each other..
I know I've kept the two of you waiting, so I'll make the announcement first and you can choose whether to read my reasons or not. This round goes to SA_Gohan. Spunky, as you know, your next post continues from SA_Gohan's.
Good luck, to both of you!
Now..
Gohan, your round confused me a bit. I still don't know what 'shinigami' is - though I certainly wouldn't mind a crash course - but that didn't really affect the quality of post.. which was terrific. Very detailed without arresting the flow. I even liked the odd FOrmatting and the liberal use of bold, and those things usually bug me. They seemed to work here.
One problem, which seems common with Fight Club, is that while you were perfectly capable of displaying Astroz's combat abilities, you fell kinda short on personality. Astroz goes from a sadistic murder, presumably centuries old and combat hardened, to bouncing around, gibbering with fear. Is 'shinigami' really that terrifying?
A comment rather than a criticism. As always, I'm judging half a story.
Spunky, you lost this round because your post, while good, just wasn't at the same level as Gohan's. The detail of the action and the flow of the prose, and a few little things besides, just didn't match up to the quality of someone who is, by Fight Club standards, a veteran. It was slightly jarring in places, for instance, the way Astroz would habitually talk to himself. Thinking to himself, I can understand. My own characters do far too much of it. But talking seems a bit mad.
The only real criticism I have, however, is over the damage your character took. I appreciate that the whole 'sword to the neck' thing brings home the strength of your character but when one third of the action is cut down to a line or two it can appear wasted. Generally, in these fights, your opponent only gets one chance to make an impact upon your character, and it isn't meant to be a wound that can be easily ignored or instantly healed. This is something SA_Gohan is guilty of as well, of course.
Every part of the post is there for you to prove your skill as a writer, even the parts where your character is getting their ass handed to them.
None of these criticisms, however, are anything any Fight Club participant hasn't heard before. And they don't stand between you and a victory in the next round. Just keep in mind that SA_Gohan is a damned good writer, so if you want to win this you'll really have to push yourself to beat him.
Work hard and, as with everything, you'll get your reward.
I know I've kept the two of you waiting, so I'll make the announcement first and you can choose whether to read my reasons or not. This round goes to SA_Gohan. Spunky, as you know, your next post continues from SA_Gohan's.
Good luck, to both of you!
Now..
Gohan, your round confused me a bit. I still don't know what 'shinigami' is - though I certainly wouldn't mind a crash course - but that didn't really affect the quality of post.. which was terrific. Very detailed without arresting the flow. I even liked the odd FOrmatting and the liberal use of bold, and those things usually bug me. They seemed to work here.
One problem, which seems common with Fight Club, is that while you were perfectly capable of displaying Astroz's combat abilities, you fell kinda short on personality. Astroz goes from a sadistic murder, presumably centuries old and combat hardened, to bouncing around, gibbering with fear. Is 'shinigami' really that terrifying?
A comment rather than a criticism. As always, I'm judging half a story.
Spunky, you lost this round because your post, while good, just wasn't at the same level as Gohan's. The detail of the action and the flow of the prose, and a few little things besides, just didn't match up to the quality of someone who is, by Fight Club standards, a veteran. It was slightly jarring in places, for instance, the way Astroz would habitually talk to himself. Thinking to himself, I can understand. My own characters do far too much of it. But talking seems a bit mad.
The only real criticism I have, however, is over the damage your character took. I appreciate that the whole 'sword to the neck' thing brings home the strength of your character but when one third of the action is cut down to a line or two it can appear wasted. Generally, in these fights, your opponent only gets one chance to make an impact upon your character, and it isn't meant to be a wound that can be easily ignored or instantly healed. This is something SA_Gohan is guilty of as well, of course.
Every part of the post is there for you to prove your skill as a writer, even the parts where your character is getting their ass handed to them.
None of these criticisms, however, are anything any Fight Club participant hasn't heard before. And they don't stand between you and a victory in the next round. Just keep in mind that SA_Gohan is a damned good writer, so if you want to win this you'll really have to push yourself to beat him.
Work hard and, as with everything, you'll get your reward.
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(( I wrote this to be more of a perspectively driven story. I hope you notice the difference. ))
*Swoosh*
*Crack*
The sound could be heard for miles around. The sound was that of a whip, yet the damage was that of a powerful sword. As it penetrated Astroz' flesh, he saw visions that would give any normal person nightmares. But he, himself, was a nightmare.
He grabbed the sword by the blade--drawing vast amounts of blood from his hands, due to the sharpness of the blade--and pulled it out of his right eye socket. The wound was massive. Astroz was left pondering how such a small blade could have done such incredible damage to him. He leapt backwards, just barely avoiding SA_Gohan's next attack, which was aimed at his left eye socket. "So he's trying to blind me", thought Atroz. "He doesn't know any better, but I hardly ever use my eyes in battle, so blinding me is pointless. I can sense his position".
SA_Gohan leapt high into the air. At the height of his jump, he turned upside down and began a rapid descent in Astroz' direction. His stance--even in mid-air--was flawless. He was completely guarded, and yet he was perfectly ready to attack. He seemed calm and confident. "This guy's a little too full of himself", thought Astroz. "I guess the warm up is over, this is about to get serious".
SA_Gohan speeded aggresively at Astroz. Thirty feet away--no more, no less--to his target. Suddenly, Astroz leapt to the side. SA_Gohan kicked hard at the air to change direction. "There! That's his weakness. He's completely unguarded when he has to change direction", thought Astroz. He leapt to the side once more. SA_Gohan kicked hard at the air once more to change direction. Astroz was ready for it. He fired one of his special slugs, hitting SA_Gohan's sword arm. He then leapt aside as SA_Gohan rocketed directly downward into the ground next to him.
The rubble had already begun to move, when Astroz filled the dirt at his heels with ten of his special slugs. The ground was suddenly calm, but not quiet. From faintly below, Astroz could hear words. "Is that all you've got, you old codger? I think being dead for so long has made you a bit of a grouch", said SA_Gohan.
"A... grouch...? Who is this guy?", thought Astroz. "He's like a child. I can't place it, but this guy is strange...". A hand emerged from the debris, as if gasping for air of it's own. It was closely followed by the rest of SA_Gohan, who was now wearing torn and weary rags in place of the lightweight material he had been using before. "You trashed my clothes!!!", he yelled. "You'll pay for that...". Without wasting any more time, he lunged at Astroz, holding his sword in his other hand. His entire right side was vulnerable due to the damage done to his arm. Astroz quickly planned and executed his counterattack. The two were met head-on as Astroz cleverly leapt straight at his opponent.
As the two clashed, SA_Gohan received a strong fist to his dead arm. Astroz received a blade through his left eye. Both of them fell to the ground, writhing in pain. Astroz spoke to his opponent for the first time. "You're pretty strong. No, allow me to further indulge your ego. You're the second strongest opponent I've ever had", he said. "Nobody has ever been able to damage me as you have. For that, I congradulate you".
SA_Gohan looked up and smirked. "You're not too bad yours-", he was cut short. "-But if you think you can last any longer against me, you are sorely mistaken", Astroz interrupted. "Let's see how you fare against my familiars".
The sky grew dark, so that not even the moon could be seen. The sky was now almost completely covered in black clouds. The fire from the motorcade was the only source of light between the two fighters. Astroz rose to his feet--as did SA_Gohan--and the two of them stared each other down. Finally, Astroz began to chant a dark verse. His limbs began to fall off, as a fierce looking creature--or perhaps more than one creature--began to emerge from his body. At the apparent end of the transformation, Astroz' body was completely destroyed, and a great demon stood before SA_Gohan in it's place.
"You're lunch!!!", shouted a terrifying voice. In a flash, SA_Gohan was rushed by the creature, and grabbed by two dark hands of gigantic proportions. He was squeezed, and squeezed, and squeezed, until his breathing stopped, and all was calm. The creature tossed him into it's mouth, chewed him, and swallowed him.
***
A family sat aghast the very next morning at breakfast, as they viewed the destroyed motorcade of an important national. The station showed blood everywhere, but the reporter stated that no bodies had turned up within a five mile radius.
A broken sword lay stuck in the ground by the edge of the road...
))*Swoosh*
*Crack*
The sound could be heard for miles around. The sound was that of a whip, yet the damage was that of a powerful sword. As it penetrated Astroz' flesh, he saw visions that would give any normal person nightmares. But he, himself, was a nightmare.
He grabbed the sword by the blade--drawing vast amounts of blood from his hands, due to the sharpness of the blade--and pulled it out of his right eye socket. The wound was massive. Astroz was left pondering how such a small blade could have done such incredible damage to him. He leapt backwards, just barely avoiding SA_Gohan's next attack, which was aimed at his left eye socket. "So he's trying to blind me", thought Atroz. "He doesn't know any better, but I hardly ever use my eyes in battle, so blinding me is pointless. I can sense his position".
SA_Gohan leapt high into the air. At the height of his jump, he turned upside down and began a rapid descent in Astroz' direction. His stance--even in mid-air--was flawless. He was completely guarded, and yet he was perfectly ready to attack. He seemed calm and confident. "This guy's a little too full of himself", thought Astroz. "I guess the warm up is over, this is about to get serious".
SA_Gohan speeded aggresively at Astroz. Thirty feet away--no more, no less--to his target. Suddenly, Astroz leapt to the side. SA_Gohan kicked hard at the air to change direction. "There! That's his weakness. He's completely unguarded when he has to change direction", thought Astroz. He leapt to the side once more. SA_Gohan kicked hard at the air once more to change direction. Astroz was ready for it. He fired one of his special slugs, hitting SA_Gohan's sword arm. He then leapt aside as SA_Gohan rocketed directly downward into the ground next to him.
The rubble had already begun to move, when Astroz filled the dirt at his heels with ten of his special slugs. The ground was suddenly calm, but not quiet. From faintly below, Astroz could hear words. "Is that all you've got, you old codger? I think being dead for so long has made you a bit of a grouch", said SA_Gohan.
"A... grouch...? Who is this guy?", thought Astroz. "He's like a child. I can't place it, but this guy is strange...". A hand emerged from the debris, as if gasping for air of it's own. It was closely followed by the rest of SA_Gohan, who was now wearing torn and weary rags in place of the lightweight material he had been using before. "You trashed my clothes!!!", he yelled. "You'll pay for that...". Without wasting any more time, he lunged at Astroz, holding his sword in his other hand. His entire right side was vulnerable due to the damage done to his arm. Astroz quickly planned and executed his counterattack. The two were met head-on as Astroz cleverly leapt straight at his opponent.
As the two clashed, SA_Gohan received a strong fist to his dead arm. Astroz received a blade through his left eye. Both of them fell to the ground, writhing in pain. Astroz spoke to his opponent for the first time. "You're pretty strong. No, allow me to further indulge your ego. You're the second strongest opponent I've ever had", he said. "Nobody has ever been able to damage me as you have. For that, I congradulate you".
SA_Gohan looked up and smirked. "You're not too bad yours-", he was cut short. "-But if you think you can last any longer against me, you are sorely mistaken", Astroz interrupted. "Let's see how you fare against my familiars".
The sky grew dark, so that not even the moon could be seen. The sky was now almost completely covered in black clouds. The fire from the motorcade was the only source of light between the two fighters. Astroz rose to his feet--as did SA_Gohan--and the two of them stared each other down. Finally, Astroz began to chant a dark verse. His limbs began to fall off, as a fierce looking creature--or perhaps more than one creature--began to emerge from his body. At the apparent end of the transformation, Astroz' body was completely destroyed, and a great demon stood before SA_Gohan in it's place.
"You're lunch!!!", shouted a terrifying voice. In a flash, SA_Gohan was rushed by the creature, and grabbed by two dark hands of gigantic proportions. He was squeezed, and squeezed, and squeezed, until his breathing stopped, and all was calm. The creature tossed him into it's mouth, chewed him, and swallowed him.
***
A family sat aghast the very next morning at breakfast, as they viewed the destroyed motorcade of an important national. The station showed blood everywhere, but the reporter stated that no bodies had turned up within a five mile radius.
A broken sword lay stuck in the ground by the edge of the road...
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Sword. Blade. Tip. Death.
For one moment, time ceased to have meaning for Astroz; in front of him was certain death at the hands of a shinigami, in front of him was a destiny that he would never have believed possible a mere ten minutes ago.
The blade of his enemy continued towards him, slowly, inexorably, and he sat frozen, back against a wrecked car of the motorcade, eyes wide and mouth ajar.
I'm going to die here
His mind took him into the past, into several centuries of memories spanning the time of his True Birth up until the present day. All of it came into a kind of hyper focus, playing through his mind at extreme fast forward. Every pleasure he'd taken, every life he'd stolen, every ounce of blood he'd and tears he'd split.
Am I really going to die here?
He couldn't believe it. Had this been what his entire life would amount to. Sudden death at the hands of a creature that should not, could not exist?
Kyle Carter . . . he remembered that name. He remembered that day he'd found the man, tortured him. And watched him die a slow, agonizing death. Was that when his fate had been decided? With that single act of revenge?
I can't die here . . .
No, not from some freak! Not from some fairy tale that mothers told their children!
I WON'T DIE HERE!
Time resumed its normal flow, Astroz threw his head to the side . . . and SA missed.
The cold steel of the blade lay against his cheek, having brushed across it with feather lightness as it struck past him. He looked up, gazed into the eyes of his would be murderer and saw the surprise reflected in his face. And his chance.
In an instant Astroz dived straight at the shinigami.
Stunned at his adversaries continued presence among the living, the Death God dodged backwards a second too slow, and paid for it. Dearly.
Astroz rammed on open palm into the chin of his opponent and grabbed hold, restrained SA's free arm, then sank his teeth into the man's now exposed neck.
The effect it had on the vampire was instant. New life and strength flowed through his veins, filling him, rejuvanating him. The aches and cuts of the battle healed in an instant, his muscles bulged, and he felt within himself a power growing far beyond anything he'd ever experienced. And all the while, the shinigami screamed in delicious pain.
SA twisted his sword arm and tried to strike at the demon, but the other was too close, and his grasp on the blade to weak at an angle to cause more than scratches. He felt his strength slowly leaving him, and as it did, it was replaced with a pain that was making it increasingly hard to concentrate.
In a last ditch effort he dropped his sword, and went for the knife behind his back. He had it out and slicing towards his opponent in an instant. Desperation fed his strikes, and he shoved the weapon into his sides, his stomach, his leg, and anywhere he could get a hit in . . .
Finally he struck a critical blow home, and Astroz snarled and leapt backwards, tattered coat flying around him, blood covering his face and leaking from the wounds in his stomach. The vampire clutched them for a moment, but before SA's very eyes they began to seal themselves.
***
This all I've got. I failed. I was too ambitious, I tried to take on more than I could take on, not only here but in my life, and this is the half-assed result. I'll definitely do better next round, and I'm sorry for my lack of focus and finish in this one Spunky.
For one moment, time ceased to have meaning for Astroz; in front of him was certain death at the hands of a shinigami, in front of him was a destiny that he would never have believed possible a mere ten minutes ago.
The blade of his enemy continued towards him, slowly, inexorably, and he sat frozen, back against a wrecked car of the motorcade, eyes wide and mouth ajar.
I'm going to die here
His mind took him into the past, into several centuries of memories spanning the time of his True Birth up until the present day. All of it came into a kind of hyper focus, playing through his mind at extreme fast forward. Every pleasure he'd taken, every life he'd stolen, every ounce of blood he'd and tears he'd split.
Am I really going to die here?
He couldn't believe it. Had this been what his entire life would amount to. Sudden death at the hands of a creature that should not, could not exist?
Kyle Carter . . . he remembered that name. He remembered that day he'd found the man, tortured him. And watched him die a slow, agonizing death. Was that when his fate had been decided? With that single act of revenge?
I can't die here . . .
No, not from some freak! Not from some fairy tale that mothers told their children!
I WON'T DIE HERE!
Time resumed its normal flow, Astroz threw his head to the side . . . and SA missed.
The cold steel of the blade lay against his cheek, having brushed across it with feather lightness as it struck past him. He looked up, gazed into the eyes of his would be murderer and saw the surprise reflected in his face. And his chance.
In an instant Astroz dived straight at the shinigami.
Stunned at his adversaries continued presence among the living, the Death God dodged backwards a second too slow, and paid for it. Dearly.
Astroz rammed on open palm into the chin of his opponent and grabbed hold, restrained SA's free arm, then sank his teeth into the man's now exposed neck.
The effect it had on the vampire was instant. New life and strength flowed through his veins, filling him, rejuvanating him. The aches and cuts of the battle healed in an instant, his muscles bulged, and he felt within himself a power growing far beyond anything he'd ever experienced. And all the while, the shinigami screamed in delicious pain.
SA twisted his sword arm and tried to strike at the demon, but the other was too close, and his grasp on the blade to weak at an angle to cause more than scratches. He felt his strength slowly leaving him, and as it did, it was replaced with a pain that was making it increasingly hard to concentrate.
In a last ditch effort he dropped his sword, and went for the knife behind his back. He had it out and slicing towards his opponent in an instant. Desperation fed his strikes, and he shoved the weapon into his sides, his stomach, his leg, and anywhere he could get a hit in . . .
Finally he struck a critical blow home, and Astroz snarled and leapt backwards, tattered coat flying around him, blood covering his face and leaking from the wounds in his stomach. The vampire clutched them for a moment, but before SA's very eyes they began to seal themselves.
***
This all I've got. I failed. I was too ambitious, I tried to take on more than I could take on, not only here but in my life, and this is the half-assed result. I'll definitely do better next round, and I'm sorry for my lack of focus and finish in this one Spunky.
Sorry for the delay, settling into my flat. You guys always seem to finish while I'm in some way incapacitated.
This round does go to Spunky, you made a big improvement here in the general quality of the post. Seemed to flow much easier.. Gohan, I won't tell you you can do better, as we both know you can, I just hope you're able to give the next round your full attention.
Anyways, that's one each. Making this the third and final round.
Good luck, guys.
This round does go to Spunky, you made a big improvement here in the general quality of the post. Seemed to flow much easier.. Gohan, I won't tell you you can do better, as we both know you can, I just hope you're able to give the next round your full attention.
Anyways, that's one each. Making this the third and final round.
Good luck, guys.
Live free or die by the sword
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Due to the large amount of time that has passed since SA Gohan once walked these forum halls, we'll award the win to Spunky for 10% xp and 1 win.