Looking for crits on this novel thing I'm writing...

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Hey everyone. I started writing what will eventually become my first and only fantasy novel a few months ago. It started as an exercise, but I kind of liked where it was going so I kept at it. This is the first 30 pages or so...there is much more, with some great fighting, I'll be adding it on Friday afternoon (the files are stuck in work for pages 30+). For now, you guys can read this chunk. I'd like to know what you all think. It's mostly freewritten, so I don't expect anyone to think it's godlike. Just tell me what you like, what you don't like, what sucks and what doesn't, and most importantly, tell what you want to know about next.

Just looking for comments and criticisms. It's in PDF format so any Adobe Acrobat reader 6.0 should do it.

Here's the link:

http://home.comcast.net/~rockerforcexv/hostedfiles/sentenced.pdf

Watch this post and thread for updates.
 
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Well I feel bad for you d00d, so I'll post and maybe some other people will too @_@

Lol ok, got my attention as soon as I realized it has fighting and battles and blah blah, Ulysses is a little cliche but hell w/e works right mate? Didn't read all of it but not bad so far. Hell of a lot better than I could do.
 
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Man I have acrobat 6 and it dosent load :/
 
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I didnt fully read it or anything, thats my plan tomorrow afternoon. I figure anyone who would write something of this quality at least deserves to have it read.

From what I saw of the first ~10 pages (not reading, just clicking through) the text seems somewhat choppy for a novel, I prefer things in chunks, not 1 liners (I do realize dialogue comes in one liners, but IMO thats about the only thing that deserves its own "line") Either its choppy or its got a crapload of dialogue, which means it isn't detailed.

Like I said, I didn't actually read anything, so I can't say anything for sure. I'll post more detailed comments tomorrow.
 
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Yeah. It's pretty hacked. The second half, I think, is much better. Usually I have a lot of planning going into these things but this particular one started out as a boredom project. The dialog in the beginning is pretty long, so I'm hoping a lot of that one-liner action you saw was dialog.
 

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