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- Jan 15, 2003
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Q: So Steve, do you ever curse?
A: Heck yeah, I curse.
Q: When?
A: Gosh, many times.
Q: Can you give me an example of
when you might curse?
A: Hmm, let me give you a hypothetical.
Let's say a man is holding a big boulder
over my head, and then he drops that
boulder onto my head. I would curse
in a situation like that.
Q: Can you give me a breakdown of all
the times you've cursed in your life?
A: Sure. I've cursed 118 times in my life.
63 of those times were when I smashed
my toes into household objects. 26 of
those times were when I sneezed only
to have my head crash into a nearby wall.
19 of those times were when I heard left
handed people say the word "cotton."
8 of those times were when I was shot
in the legs by stray bullets. 1 of those
times was when I thought I had won the
lottery. And 1 of those times was when
I realized I hadn't.
Q: Uhm, the cotton one what was
that again?
A: 19 of those times were when I heard
left handed people say the word "cotton."
Q: Oh "people!" I thought you said, "meepull."
A: Oh, no, I said "people."
Q: Okay, next question. What is your social
security number?
A: It's 2... hey, wait a second; I shouldn't
give that out.
Q: Alright then, what is a good recipe
for ham?
A: Put it in a pot, put some oil on it,
sprinkle with bay leaves, and baste at
200 degrees for 16 minutes, or until
ham juice oozes out the sides.
Q: What is that called?
A: Cooking ham in a pot.
Q: Did you ever break a leg?
A: No.
Q: Why not?
A: Huh?
Q: Sorry, that's a bad follow up question.
Let me switch gears. Do you think Fillmore
was our greatest President?
A: No, and I think what he said in his
inaugural address really hurt him.
Q: Brian, do you have a sock drawer?
A: Excuse me?
Q: Man, I am really doing a bad job here.
Uh, wait, you said something about Fillmore.
Oh yeah, so what did he say in his inaugural
address that hurt him?
A: He said, "This is the time when all
Americans must look inside themselves
and see if they can see the word 'bacon'"
Q: I don't understand that.
A: That's why it hurt him so much.
Q: Last question. Do you think we will ever
put a man on Mars?
A: Yes, and I think it will be a man named Toby.
A: Heck yeah, I curse.
Q: When?
A: Gosh, many times.
Q: Can you give me an example of
when you might curse?
A: Hmm, let me give you a hypothetical.
Let's say a man is holding a big boulder
over my head, and then he drops that
boulder onto my head. I would curse
in a situation like that.
Q: Can you give me a breakdown of all
the times you've cursed in your life?
A: Sure. I've cursed 118 times in my life.
63 of those times were when I smashed
my toes into household objects. 26 of
those times were when I sneezed only
to have my head crash into a nearby wall.
19 of those times were when I heard left
handed people say the word "cotton."
8 of those times were when I was shot
in the legs by stray bullets. 1 of those
times was when I thought I had won the
lottery. And 1 of those times was when
I realized I hadn't.
Q: Uhm, the cotton one what was
that again?
A: 19 of those times were when I heard
left handed people say the word "cotton."
Q: Oh "people!" I thought you said, "meepull."
A: Oh, no, I said "people."
Q: Okay, next question. What is your social
security number?
A: It's 2... hey, wait a second; I shouldn't
give that out.
Q: Alright then, what is a good recipe
for ham?
A: Put it in a pot, put some oil on it,
sprinkle with bay leaves, and baste at
200 degrees for 16 minutes, or until
ham juice oozes out the sides.
Q: What is that called?
A: Cooking ham in a pot.
Q: Did you ever break a leg?
A: No.
Q: Why not?
A: Huh?
Q: Sorry, that's a bad follow up question.
Let me switch gears. Do you think Fillmore
was our greatest President?
A: No, and I think what he said in his
inaugural address really hurt him.
Q: Brian, do you have a sock drawer?
A: Excuse me?
Q: Man, I am really doing a bad job here.
Uh, wait, you said something about Fillmore.
Oh yeah, so what did he say in his inaugural
address that hurt him?
A: He said, "This is the time when all
Americans must look inside themselves
and see if they can see the word 'bacon'"
Q: I don't understand that.
A: That's why it hurt him so much.
Q: Last question. Do you think we will ever
put a man on Mars?
A: Yes, and I think it will be a man named Toby.
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