Funniest Song Lyrics:

[Taurus 2112]

OK well I have been listening to some songs recently that really made me laugh...No need to post the whole song unless the context is really necessary be sure to put the name of the song and the group with it as well. Share the Wealth.

I never thought it would end like this,
just because I got no tits.
I'd shave my legs I'd wear a bra,
I'd even cut my penis off for you.

She's got a girlfriend now,
Reel Big Fish


I'm sorry I told you those pants made your ass look fat
oops my bad
I'm sorry I tried to borrow condoms from your dad
oops my bad
I called you by your best freind's name
when you and I were fooling around and around
Then I went and made out with that same best friend
the weekend you left town
Oops my bad
It's all my, it's all my fault
I never should have let those little things ruin what we had
Oops my bad
I'm sorry I made out with you younger sister
Oops my bad
I swear I thought it was you when I kissed her
you look so similar
Oops my bad
Now seems a good a time as any for apologies
I'm sorry I never told you about my STDs
I've got herpes, so do you now
And your best friend, and your sister
And your mom and I suppose even you dad
Oops my bad

Oops my bad,
Donkey Punch

 

[Bolteh2]

They Might be Giants - Violin:

Violin-lin-lin
Violin-lin-lin
Violin-lin-lin
Ohhh
Violin-lin-lin
Violin-lin-lin
Violin-lin-lin
Ohhhh
Hippo
Hippo
Hippo
Hippo
Hippo
Hippo
Hippo
Mop
Mop
Mop mop
Mop mop
Mop mop mop
Mop mop mop mop
Mop
Speck of dust, dust, dust
Speck of dust, dust, dust
Speck of dust, dust, dust
Ohhh
Speck of dust, dust, dust
Speck of dust, dust, dust
Speck of dust, dust, dust
Ohhh
One quarter of George Washington's head
Half of George Washington's head
Three quarters of George Washington's head
All of George Washington's head
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhhoooooooo
Violin-lin-lin
Violin-lin-lin
Violin-lin-lin
Ohhh
Violin-lin-lin
Violin-lin-lin
Violin-lin-lin
Ohhh


They Might be Giants - The House at the Top of the Tree

There's a house at the top of a tree
There's a house at the top of a tree
In the house there's a room
In the room there's a chair
And sitting in the chair is you
There's a nose at the end of a snout
Of a dog with his head out the window
Of a car that's driving away from the tree
And at the top of a tree there's a house
And in the house there's a room and in the room
There's a chair and in the chair is you
There's a plan to eat the house
In the mind of a mouse in the woods
And the mouse in the woods has a smell that's detected
By the nose at the end of a snout of a dog
And the dog has his head out the window of a car
And the car is driving away from the tree
And at the top of a tree there's a house
And in the house there's a room and in the room
There's a chair and in the chair is you
There are no more potato chips left
In the empty bag in your hand
And the crumpling sound of the empty bag
Makes the mice get mad
And when the mice get mad
It leads to a plan to eat the house
And the plan's in the mind of the mouse in the woods
And the mouse in the woods has a smell that's detected
By the nose at the end of a snout of a dog
And the dog has his head out the window of a car
And the car is driving away from the tree
And at the top of a tree there's a house
And in the house there's a room and in the room
There's a chair and in the chair is you
And the reason there are no more chips
In the empty bag in your hand
Is that the crumpling sound of the empty bag
Makes the mice get mad
Which leads to a plan
To eat the house
But just in time
The dog arrives
To give to the mouse
The potato chips
That you took from the bag
And gave to the dog
To deliver to the mouse
So the mouse would not eat you

 

[Fatality]

Dear Penis,
I don't think I like you anymore,
You used to watch me shave,
Now all u do is stare at the floor.
Oh dear Penis,
I don't like you anymore.

It used to be you and me,
A paper towel, and a dirty magazine,
That's all we needed to get by.
Now it seems things have changed,
I think that your the one to blame.
Dear Penis,
I don't like you anymore.

Now he sings,

Dear Rodney,
I don't think I like you anymore,
'Cause when u get to drinkin'
You put me places I've never been before.
Dear Rodney,
I dont like you anymore.

Why can't we just get a grip,
On our man to hand relationship.
Come to terms with truly how we feel.
If we put our heads together,
We'd just stay home forever.
Dear Penis,
I think I like you after all.

Oh and Rodney,
While yer shavin',
Shave my balls.

 

[Ravendust]

NOFX - Clams Have Feelings Too (Actually They Don't)

No chowder for you, 'cause clams have feelings too
Actually they don’t have central nervousness
No Manhattan style, clams have the right to smile
Come to think about it they don’t have a face
They have no face, no place for ears
There’s no clam eyes to cry clam tears
No spinal cord, they must get bored
Might as well just put them out of misery
I don’t believe it’s selfish to eat defenseless shellfish
No chowder for you clams have feelings too
It could happen to you, clams have feelings too
I don’t think they do, clams have feelings too

 

[Rocky]

Anything Wierd Al Yankovic is funny, in particular:

Amish Paradise
Smells Like Nirvana
Its all about the Pentiums
The Saga Begins

 

[Skiwan]

NOFX - Clams Have Feelings Too (Actually They Don't)

No chowder for you, 'cause clams have feelings too
Actually they don’t have central nervousness
No Manhattan style, clams have the right to smile
Come to think about it they don’t have a face
They have no face, no place for ears
There’s no clam eyes to cry clam tears
No spinal cord, they must get bored
Might as well just put them out of misery
I don’t believe it’s selfish to eat defenseless shellfish
No chowder for you clams have feelings too
It could happen to you, clams have feelings too
I don’t think they do, clams have feelings too

>;o how dare you not get the whole song

here it is :x


Birds are dumb, 'cause small bird brains
But so are kids and old people
Some birds talk, most others sing
I don't see you eat a talking bird

Pigs smell bad, they roll in poo
But so do kids and elderly
I don't see you chop off an old man's feet
Put 'em in a mason jar and pickle them

No chowder for you, 'cause clams have feelings too
Actually they don't have central nervousness
No manhatten style, clams have the right to smile
Come to think about it, they don't have a face

They have no face, no place for ears
There's no clam eyes, to cry clam tears
No spinal cord, they must get bored
Might as well just put them out of misery

I don't beleive it's selfish
To eat defenceless shellfish

No chowder for you, clams have feelings too
It could happen to you, clams have feelings too
I don't think they do, clams have feelings too



and how could you post that knowing of the other gem on that album


"My Vagina"

My vagina has two sets of lips
But I don't get monthly blood drips
My vagina hardly even used

My vagina's got lots of extra skin
They took my outtie and made it an in
Changing Donnie to Marie Osmond

Operation successfull
But now I gotta pee
Through a miniature hole
Gotta remember to put the seat down
And when I wipe my ass
I go from front to back
Cause I don't want a bladder infection

I never thought I'd miss my vas deferans
I traded it in for a pair of huge cans
Now I get to hang with lesbians

Operation paid up front
Now I show all my friends
My new designer ****
They think I'm kinda weird
But that's OK with me
Cause now I kick their ass
Playing from the ladies team
Theres nothing finer than having a vagina


Nofx > all... cept Rancid >;o

 

[imported_EVIL_GOKU]

Anything Wierd Al Yankovic is funny, in particular:

Amish Paradise
Smells Like Nirvana
Its all about the Pentiums
The Saga Begins

and the night santa when crazy

 

[owa]

AC - I snuck a Retard into a sperm bank.

---
YOU ****ING DYKE
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO GET TOUCHED BY A MAN
YOU WANTED TO BE A STRONG SINGLE MOTHER
YOU ORDERED A SENSITIVE, *** POETS SPERM

I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK
I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK
I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK
I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK

INSTEAD OF A BRIGHT POET OFFSPRING
YOU'RE STUCK WITH A DROOLING RETARD
YOU WENT BROKE PAYING FOR SPECIAL CARE
YOU'RE GIRLFRIEND LEFT YOU FOR ANOTHER WOMAN

I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK
I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK
I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK
I SNUCK A RETARD IN TO A SPERM BANK
---

AC - I pushed your wife in front of the subway

---

I WAS IN A BAD MOOD, BECAUSE MY CRACK HOUSE GOT BUSTED
I SAW YOU, AND YOUR DUMB LOOKING WIFE WAITING FOR THE TRAIN
I COULD TELL IT WAS TRUE LOVE
SO AS THE TRAIN PULLED IN, I PUSHED HER INTO IT

I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY

I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
IT WAS ON THE ORANGE LIME, BUT THE TRACKS WHERE RED
I PUSHED THAT **** IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
YOU HAD TO TELL YOUR DAUGHTER, THAT HER MUMMY WAS DEAD

I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY

IT WAS SO CROWDED NO ONE SAW WHO DID IT
THEN I SAW YOU CRYING LIKE A ****ING PUSSY
GOOD THING SHE NEVER GOT THE CHANCE
TO TELL YOU SHE WAS PREGNANT AGAIN

I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
I PUSHED YOUR WIFE IN FRONT OF THE SUBWAY
---

AC - You're an Orphan
---
too bad your mother never learned to drive
maybe if she did,your parents would still be alive
now they're dead,and your sister too
now you're an orphan, we'll make fun of you

you are an orphan [x4]
---

Anything by AC (Anal ****) are good, same with GG Allin

 

[Ravendust]

No need to post the whole song unless the context is really necessary

>;o how dare you not get the whole song

It's a SONG about CLAMS, I think what I posted was pretty self contained

Green Jelly - The Bear Song

The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see. HEY!
The other side of the mountain was all that he could see, SO!
He went back over the mountain to see what he could see. HEY!
The other side of the mountain was all that he could see!

You darn fool, you darn fool, can't you plainly see? HEY!
It's nothing but a cabbage head his grandma said to me. HO!
Many a-miles I've traveled, a thousand miles or so, HEY!
I never saw a head of cabbage with hair upon it before!

WHAT'S THIS CABBAGE?!

The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see. HEY!
The other side of the mountain was all that he could see, SO!
He went back over the mountain to see what he could see. HEY!
The other side of the mountain was all that he could see!

HEY, IS THAT A BEAR OVER THERE?!!

You darn fool, you darn fool, can't you plainly see? HEY!
It's nothing but a cabbage head his grandma said to me. HO!
Many a-miles I've traveled, a thousand miles or so, HEY!
I never saw a head of cabbage with hair upon it before!

SOMEBODY GIVE THAT CABBAGE A HAIR CUT!!

 

[Hitokiri]

I can't remember who sung it, and my words might be a little off, but the song is called "Feminine Hygiene." or something

Well I was watchin' TV with my buddy Stevie and we saw the strangest thing
It was so compelling a woman was selling maxipads that had wings
I turn to channel 3 and what did I see? A woman who looked real rich
She was sittin' on a hill, a pitchin' Vagisil for that special "feminine itch"
I tried once more and I turned to channel 4 and I was shocked I must confess
A gal who was chunky said when she's smellin' funky she just squirts it with F-D-S!

Well it's on every station, an oversaturation of feminine hygiene ads
Douches and ointments and OBG appointments and don't forget your maxi-pads
Cause they have wings... TO FLY! Leeeet's give it a tryyy
It's feminine hygiene.

Momma and a daughter, walkin' by the water, somebody don't feel fresh
Monostat seven, puuut her back in heaven cause the @#)(*$ really makes a mess
Middle-aged deputant lookin' for a lubricant, I still can hear her voice...
Her momma done told her when a woman gets older the muffin downstaaairs don't stay moist

Well it's on every station, an oversaturation of feminine hygiene days
Creams and lotions and all her emotions and all the water she retains
It's so insane... this game... there's too many names,
in feminine hygiene.

Why do we have to view
All that stuff girls go through
It's really got my stomach wriggling
Let's give those adds we see
A hysterectomy
Oh please... just make them more appeaaalingggg

Well it's on every station an oversaturation of feminine hygiene ads
Douches and ointments and OBG appointments,
creams and lotions and all her emotions
KOTEX, Tampax, Vagisil and Yeastex
chloroforms, Pamprin, Dynacort and Recline, Motrin, Mydol (for when you're suicidal)
Monostat, Femmstat, a plug for this, a pad for that... thethelistgoesonandon

It's so insane! This game! There's too many names
In feminine hygiene
It's on my TV
It's feminine hygiene.

 

[Ravendust]

Team America - Everyone Has AIDS

Everyone has AIDS!
AIDS AIDS AIDS!
AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS! AIDS AIDS!
Everyone has AIDS!

So this is the end of our story,
And everyone is dead from AIDS,
It took from me my best friend,
My only true pal,
My only bright star, (He died of AIDS)
Well, i'm gonna march on Washington
Lead the fight and charge the brigades
There's a hero inside all of us,
I'll show them everyone has AIDS.

(I think it's about AIDS.)

 

[Jesus]

we’re professional punkers we come from the sublures
After 15 years we still having fun
Now we’re over 30 not looking so purty at least we got a beat up accordian
That’s erik our drummer his fathers a plumber
He drank enough booze to get rhode island drunk
Now he’s straight but smelly he’s got one big belly
From living the good life provided by punk
Singnin singnin singnin
Buy me a beck’s bear or pass me the bong
Gimme some bushmills I’ll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine we’re over 30 doin just fine
El hefe is not satanic he’s one hip hispanic
He grew up with one dozencousins and kin
He wears baggy pants and he knows how to break dance
You’ve seen him doing every impersonation
That melvin on six string so tell me I can’t sing
Oh I know you can just don’t do it around me
Stick with what you know
Playing guitar solo with hetson and watt in punk rock karaoke
Singnin singnin singnin
Buy me a beck’s bear or pass me the bong
Gimme some bushmills I’ll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine we’re over 30 doin just fine
My name is fat mike I’m obsessed by big lesbians
I’ve been a punk rocker for most of my life
I sing kinda flat I’m not really so fat
But that’s how I hit them with a hook or a slice
I’m kent I do sounds look he’s getting so round
I’m timmy the turtle he counts and he clicks
I’m *** I don’t care someone please cut his hair
I’m limo from scotland so give me hanggis
Singnin singnin singnin
Buy me a beck’s bear or pass me the bong
Gimme some bushmills I’ll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine we’re over 30 doin just fine
Buy me a beck’s bear or pass me the bong
Gimme some bushmills I’ll sing you this song
Buy me a quamlude or chop me a lime we’re pushin 40 we’re doin just fine


nofx - theme from a nofx album

 

[Silent_Bob]

(Not sure if I get in trouble for doing my own censoring, but I realised it would be difficult to tell which words were being censored out, if I've done something wrong I apologise.)

Kevin Bloody Wilson - Hey Santa Claus You C***"

Quite often I get to thinking
How as kids we got by
Like at christmas time at our house
We couldn't even afford a fire

But we made do with what we had
Back then when I was young
Dad used to suck a peppermint
And we'd all sit round his tongue

We couldn't afford no sparkly tinsel
For our christmas tree
So we'd just wheel old grandad in
And make the old c*** sneeze...atchoo

(Wheel him round the other side granny...atchoo)

But things changed pretty bloody quick
I got kids now of me own
And I heard 'em unwrap their pressies
Last night when I got home

Hey Santa Claus you c***
Where's my f***in bike
I've unwrapped all this other junk
And there's nothing that i like

I wrote your f***in letter
And I’ve come to see you twice
You worn out geriatric fart
You forgot me f***in bike

If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs
I would've bloody asked
And this cowboy suit and ping-pong set
You can shove right up your ass

You stuffed me bloody order up
It's enough to make you spew
It's not just me who's snakey
Me sister's dirty too

Hey Santa Claus you c***
Where's me f***ing pram
You promised me you'd send me one
You remember who I am

'Cos I'm the widdle girl
That you made sit right on your hand
I'll give you f***in ho ho ho
You forgot me f***ing pram

Next time I come to see you
I'm gonna punch you in the guts
And I'l let your f***ing reindeer loose
And kick Rudolph in the nuts

You just wait til next year
When you get back to that store
And me and me little sister
Come stompin through the door
(Yeh you wait for it...)

Hey mums and dads just smell his breath
And check his bloodshot eyes
And don't listen to him boys and girls
'Cos he tells f***in lies

He's a pisstake and a pervert
And he's not even very bright
'Cos the old f***ing ******
Forgot me f***ing bike

Hey santa claus you c***
Where's me f***ing bike
I've unwrapped all this other junk
And there's nothing that I like

I wrote your f***ing letter
And I come to see you twice
You worn out geriatric fart
You forgot me f***ing bike

F***in dob you in you old c***
Tell me old man on you...
He'll punch your f***in lights out...
(I saw mummy sucking santa claus)

 

[KarrdeKNR]

They Might Be Giants - Particle Man

Particle man, particle man
Doing the things a particle can
What's he like? It's not important
Particle man

Is he a dot, or is he a speck?
When he's underwater does he get wet?
Or does the water get him instead?
Nobody knows, Particle man

Triangle man, Triangle man
Triangle man hates particle man
They have a fight, Triangle wins
Triangle man




Universe man, Universe man
Size of the entire universe man
Usually kind to smaller man
Universe man

He's got a watch with a minute hand,
Millenium hand and an eon hand
When they meet it's a happy land
Powerful man, universe man

Person man, person man
Hit on the head with a frying pan
Lives his life in a garbage can
Person man

Is he depressed or is he a mess?
Does he feel totally worthless?
Who came up with person man?
Degraded man, person man

Triangle man, triangle man
Triangle man hates person man
They have a fight, triangle wins
Triangle man

 

[Goteanks]

Particle Man:

Particle man, particle man
does the things a particle can,
is he a dot or is he a speck,
when hes underwater does he get wet, or does the water get him instead,
Particle man,

Triangle man hates particle man ,get in a fight triangle wins .

Person man, Person man,
Is he depressed or is he a mess?
WHo came up wighth person man degraded man,

Triangle man hates person man get in afight triangle wins.

Universe man Universe man size of the entire universe .... man
he has a minute millenium hand and an eon hand, when they meet its a happy land


Universe man

triangle hates Universe man

but he wont say

dod do do do dod do dod od dod dod dod dod do dod dod do dod do do do do do

 

[Ravendust]

^ Isn't that the same song? ^

System Of A Down - The Legend Of Zelda

Link, he come to town
Come to save the princess Zelda
Ganon took her away
Now the children don’t play
But they will when link saves the day
Hallelujah!

Now Link, fill up your hearts
So you can shoot your sword with power
And when you’re feeling all down
The fairy will come around
So you’ll be brave, and not a sissy coward

Now Link has saved the day
Put Ganon in his grave
So now Zelda is free
And now our hero shall be
Link! I think your name shall go down into history!

 

[*Gaara*]

hah and i thought i heard weird songs:]

 

[Ashur]

Translate from russian....

Up and down, Up and down, Up and down, Up and down,
In and out, in and out, in and out, in and out
Up and down, Up and down, Up and down, Up and down,
In and out, in and out, in and out, in and out

We just keep ****ing,
Look its your brother...
Look its you mom...
Look its your dad....
But we dont care abouth others...
We just keep going

Up and down, Up and down, Up and down, Up and down,
In and out, in and out, in and out, in and out
Up and down, Up and down, Up and down, Up and down,
In and out, in and out, in and out, in and out



Wont translate the whole song.. Well you got the point...

 

[Gonadz]

Not really funny, but just so good.

Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit

(G. Slick)

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small,
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all.
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall.
And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall,
Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call.
Call Alice
When she was just small.
When the men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving low.
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know.
When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead,
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"
Remember what the dormouse said:
"Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head"

 

[Ravendust]

Bill Bailey - Owl (Bewilderness)

I am death,
A winged beast,
I am born on the velvet wings of night,
and i'm hungry for a feast!
I am the nemesis of the vole,
My heart is black and cold,
You can kill me with a trowel...
...I am an owl.


Bill Bailey - Ultimate Love Ballad (Part Troll)

I was alone, my heart was cold, it was a stone,
My heart was lonely like a stone, there was no moss.
And when I danced, I danced alone,
but then I did not dance because I was alone,
I did not dance.
I shuffled through life invisible to all,
Those happy couples that would mock me with their merry laughter,
"Ha ha ha."
The only sound I heard in my lonely silent world,
was the rusty hammer of my heart, nailing up the hatred in my soul!

<3 But then you came... <3
And my life was turned upside down,
You showed me the beauty of the things that I had never seen,
Like the snowflake that melts on the eyelash of a startled deer.
Or the painting of the dog that wore slippers and smokes a pipe,
That made you laugh so heartily,
But I previously thought was rubbish.
Or the duck, that clumsily lands on a frozen pond in winter,
But the intoxicating power of our love transforms this simple act
Into an anthropamorphic drama,
Where Mr. Duck's embarrased and the other ducks are laughing
"Quack quack quack quack."

And then you left!
And I have died a thousand deaths and I shall die a thousand more!
I thought you were an angel, you turned out to be a whore!
And everything's turned to dust, infected with a plague,
When you happened to speak with 'Craig'.
"Oh he's so sensitive, he's got a tattoo..."
Yeah, well carving your name with a compass in my forehead,
Wasn't that enough for you!?

The snowflake on the eyelash of the deer,
Has turned to pus that oozes from an open wound.
The deer, now blinded, stumbles into a ravine.

The duck now lies shredded in a pancake,
Soaking in the Hoi-Sin of your lies.

The dog has moved on from the pipe to sixty ciggarettes a day,
And coughs away his life, in the cold neon research labs of your betrayal...
Of your betrayaaaaaaal....