Since this is off-topic...

[Vegeta's Briefs]

Hey, I know this may seem weird, but I'm a new writer and I've been writing this fanfic (which I'm not going post), and I just wanted an opinion on the storyline. I might actually post it later on, but I just want the storyline praised or flamed for right now (P.S., for the administer or whatever you're called, I don't mind flaming; in fact, it and praise are my high points of writing, so don't hurt any names or anything for my asking that people be freely honest, even if it is just "it sux", or "cool").

Buu has been dead for 13 years, Bra is approaching her 11th birthday, and Bebi has yet to come (I think the timelines straight, correct me if I'm wrong so that I can correct it). Bulma Briefs, in her search for a new found beauty, has discovered a man that claims he has a machine that can make anyone look up to 30 years younger. Bulma is extactic and takes the machine home to test it on herself, and then to test herself on Vegeta (oooh). Bra, wanting to be as beautiful as her mother, sees the machine and takes it for herself, but soon discovers the truth about it when she zaps herself and Goku into an alternate universe, where the Saiyans are still alive and conquering, and everyone that they know as male is female and vice versa. But it gets worse, like a girl version of Vegeta and Nappa isn't disturbing enough, the machine breaks upon entry of the universe. Now they must find the man who tricked Bulma into buying a gateway instead of a beauty enhancer and force him/her to give them the machine, plus avoid the anger of a group of killer saiyans who get mad at Goku for calling their "Princess" a "Prince" (guess who).

That's it. lol. I'm also thinking of one to the effect of "Baby warriors", where my same trickster guy returns and in turn turns Vegeta, Goku, Tien, Krillin, and Gohan back into babies.

 

[ScooterMan]

So what ur saying about the gender reversal, first off why and second off
does that happen to ppl who use the ray as well.
THis story is okay, its got some good parts (Vegeta and goku going back to when the saiyans were conquering) but the rest is pretty ***, like how they got there and the gender reversal. Plus i fail to see how a bunch of saiyans could stand up to goku and vegeta.
perhaps it should be more about vegeta as he is the king, coming to grips with the bad sides of his race and then protecting them (with the help of goku and the others) from a new threat like... i dont know.
But the gender thing just sounds like a stupid perverte fantasy to me. No offense, i just fail to see the good in it.

And the beauty machine should be scraped its just to lame...
just my opinion. i write fan fics as well u see...

 

[Mewtwo]

I agree completely with ScooterMan's crits and ideas :yes:. You should also change how they got into the past, even bulma isn't dumb enough to believe that a mechianshe bought from a man who was probably extremely hairy can make her younger.

 

[Deverz]

There's already a fanfic :S

 

[ScooterMan]

What do u mean already a fan fic. Im sure theres many fan fics but what does that have to do with this thread?
btw thanks mewtwo

 

[ScooterMan]

well vegetas briefs what do you think?
are u still making it?

 

[Biggs]

/me waits for thread to be closed for no reason like the other 50 threads

 

[Vegeta's Briefs]

Yes I am, because this guy has a small bit of mind-controlling powers, and he almost sorta TRICKS BUlma into buying the machine. And it's not going back into the past, in fact, it's just where Goku left is where he came back. The thing is, it's an ALTERNATE universe. I've thought of many different things, like Vegeta being a human mobster, or Krillin being very Brolly-like, but this was just the complete opposite, it was PERFECT. Besides, can't you just imagine Nappa with his mustache and pigtails, standing over the "sexiest Saiyan boy" while Vegeta (with big hot boobs, but otherwise the same) orders his men and women to kill Goku (the "sexiest"). I'm sorry, I enjoy the idea. And thank you for your input, but it's just not that logical to me. Or am I just not explaining something good? Here, let me try ag

 

[Mewtwo]

Originally posted by Vegeta's Briefs
imagine Nappa with his mustache and pigtails, standing over the "sexiest Saiyan boy" while Vegeta (with big hot boobs, but otherwise the same) orders his men and women to kill Goku (the "sexiest").

Have you ever considered seeking so kind of psychological help because that was highly disturbing. :talk:

Any way I'm looking forward to it It'll be very funny I’m sure.

 

[Vegeta's Briefs]

ain. Oops, I hit enter, sorry. The beauty machine is to introduce the warp machine. If you can think of a better way to introduce it, please tell me, and this isn't about Vegeta's ruling over the Saiyan's, this is about Goku and Bra getting transported into another world where everything is exactly the opposite (up to a blue buu even), and they must get home. A little adventure, not a history lesson, got it? Someone is out to get Vegeta (I realize I didn't add that, and i'm sorry), but he can't get Vegeta without the others getting in his way. So, he just simply gets rid of the only one who poses a real threat to him, Goku. He tricks Bulma into buying a warp machine by making her believe it's a beauty machine, and then he simply puts the idea into Bra's head (telepathically) to take it so that she can go on a date with this older boy in school. The reason that this can get Goku too is because our enemy (he's a changling from that other world who wants to get the "weaker" Vegeta as a revenge for his fallen Queen) had seen the future, and knew that Bra would bump into Goku, and that he'd play along with her and become an old man for fun. DOES IT MAKE SENSE NOW?

 

[ScooterMan]

He "enjoys" the idea.

Yeah...okay, whatever.
Well the story should be entertaining im looking forward to reading it.
Also one last question, will there be too vegeta's like will the male one see the female one. and if so would you comment if, and im only saying this cause ur story as it is seems disturbing, and because vegeta does really love himself... well im sure you know what i mean, i cant bring myself to say it as i am a fan of vegeta...
ANyway some good ideas some weird, some downright bad, itll be fun

 

[ScooterMan]

Hmm i see, well i understand it know...
ok good luck to you
by the way my idea wouldnt have resulted in a history lesson, because just by them going back in time they would have changed history, because they didnt do it before right? But please lets not let this break into an argument about the complications of time travel and other geeky stuff.
Im ending this just to say post it when uve finished. Okay?

 

[Vegeta's Briefs]

Originally posted by ScooterMan
He "enjoys" the idea.

Yeah...okay, whatever.
Well the story should be entertaining im looking forward to reading it.
Also one last question, will there be too vegeta's like will the male one see the female one. and if so would you comment if, and im only saying this cause ur story as it is seems disturbing, and because vegeta does really love himself... well im sure you know what i mean, i cant bring myself to say it as i am a fan of vegeta...
ANyway some good ideas some weird, some downright bad, itll be fun

I've already planned that. See, it's a spoiler, but I already have many, many, many plans for my story. The first is that Prince Vegeta will at least SEE Princess Vegeta near the ending, when Goku and Bra are coming home. I haven't written it completely yet, so I don't know if I'll stick with just seeing, or actually speaking to himself/herself. As much as I love Vegeta, he is not the main character of my story. On a dare, my sister told me to stop writing stories with Vegeta and Krillin as main characters, but instead choose someone they favor. Will Vegeta's daughter is Bra, and Krillin's best friend is Goku, that's why I chose them, for all future askers.

 

[ScooterMan]

Originally posted by Vegeta's Briefs
I've already planned that.

U really r sick and disturbed. By the way if any of ur Vegeta fanfics are good could i read them? I consider myself somewhat of a master fanfic writer myself.
Or a writer anyway. So yeah could u send it to me, my email is on my profile.