Sex Sent Me To The ER - TV SHOW

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Hey guys. Just wanted to let you know, a really stupid/funny show is going to be airing on TLC December 28th that will have me, Saru, Telling a story about how I put a girls head through a wall during sex. Yep they paid me a lot of money to tell this story and now they hired actors to portray the incident. This was back almost 8 years ago when I was 440 pounds. The pictures are Quite funny if you ask me.

They Hyped up a good portion of the stuff but the pictures just make me laugh out loud....

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/entertainment/blogs/tv-guy/os-sex-sent-me-to-the-er-coming-soon-20131205,0,437635.post
 
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Why the hell would you go missionary at 440 lbs?
 

Eon

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all the people i have sex with go to the ER because they try to kill themselves afterward
 
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all the people i have sex with go to the ER because they try to kill themselves afterward
I inject my testicles with heroin before I have sex with a woman for the first time. It's crucial not to wear condoms or pull out that first time, so that she'll be wholly and fully addicted to what she thinks is sex with me. It's only after she goes into withdrawal that she'll go to the hospital, so really, we're on the same page.

They always come back for more, though. Right? Right? Aha....yeah. They do.
 

Eon

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saru do you have a lot of money or something because I don't see a 440 pound dude getting laid off of a personality


unless she was a fatty too. two fat people trying to have sex is probably the most hilarious thing ever
 
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Maybe he had wicked charms... or maybe some pils were accidentally spilled in her drink.
About the show... looks like it has a funny premise. It would be interesting to see the first episode at least.
 
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She isn't fat. She is 110 pounds when this happens...and only 5'2. I'm fairly well off but actually yes it was my charm thank you....I was a fat bastard but was extremely nice (fixed that problem). I have a lot of weird ass stories. I have the "life lessons" of sex stories I normally tell. Each one has its own class

Class on Construction - This story on TV
Class on Gravity - College dorms and physics
Class on Chemistry - What certain condoms can do to a woman's body parts

A combination of classes - Construction/Gravity happened - Bunk bed...not sturdy....being on top


and finally my extra credit course which I have painstakingly named "Third party came on her face" Or otherwise known as...Bukkake by Proxy
 
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I sell a 5 minute course on vhs. The first 4 minutes and 30 seconds are of me looking attractive. The rest of it is me giving world-class advice on picking up women:

1) Be attractive
2) Don't be unattractive
 
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In the case of reddit, everyone is a super nice guy who's perpetually getting friend-zoned despite how many times they tip their fedoras or brush their neckbeards. The "don't be unattractive" statement is their cry for help in a world that values physical beauty over being a fat lazy sloth piece of shit who thinks working out is for dumb laborers.

I just stay pretty. Works out pretty well.
 
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Staying fit and staying pretty are not interchangeable. I'm a homophobe so I should know.
 
Cunning as Zeus
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Being fit elevates an attractive person from man to demigod. I should know, because I am one.
 
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So I'm not the only person who has received stitches and severe head trauma from bedside tables and headboards? Solid.
 
Cunning as Zeus
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Do you guys need a crash course on not getting hurt?
 
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Perhaps Kynetik was having a seizure during one of his masturbatory meditation sessions.
 

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Twig, did you get that job through a listed audition? I'm an actor, as well.

I had sex with a black girl for the first time this last weekend. It was nice, but I don't think I'll be exclusively a jungle-chaser like the saying goes.
 

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