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I wrote this while on break at work. I thought I'd post it and see what people thought of it as a beginning to a story. I adapted a character from a novel of mine and his background story and "DragonballZ-ified" it for the forums in a little exercise.
If anyone would like to join in, feel free. If not, crits and complaints are welcome. I need to improve my writing lately and could use the help.
=============
Chapter 1: The Last Esperian Elite
"My name is Raephion Lurius. I am an esper, and a soldier of the Elitist Empyreum Guard. On the honor of my fathers before me do I swear my family crest's honor to the Empyreum. I pledge my bravery to the leaders of the Empyreum, and my loyalty to they and the people whom they represent. Together, we are one. Collective. I am an Elite Warrior. I am an Esper. My name, is Raephion Lurius."
In his mind, Raephion repeated that oath in a psychic undertone. It was the only thing he could do to keep himself occupied in stasis; as an esper, a gifted psychic race, Raephion was completely unable to dream while in hypersleep because his control over his mind and body were too precise. Repeating this oath to himself psychically for weeks at a time while he slept in his uncomfortably cramped pod seemed the only thing he could do to pass the time without going insane.
The ship had been destroyed, and the Empyreum annihilated. The queen was long dead. As were most of the troops who had protected her. The attack had been too sudden; the enemy far too powerful, even for the might of the Empyreum Guard.
These three malevolent beings denoued themselves only as "The Advocates of Aldicron." Aldicron was the legendary life force that came to the esper homeworld millenia before and offered them the opportunity for superior evolution and prosperity, in exchange for the energy of the planet Terridia itself. The esperian leaders at the time had thought it was a win/win scenario.
The story of Aldicron's coming, and of Queen Vitaria's acceptance of his amazing gift (and it's grave consequences which then were yet to unfold) had gradually faded into the stuff of myth and legend over the centuries. The truth only became apparent when the advocates had arrived.
The abberant monstrous powers that were the three Advocates seemed nigh unstoppable. Despite even the most powerful Tier 2 warriors bearing their all, the mighty Advocates seemed able to regenerate with minimal effort. As a result, even the mightiest esperian warriors--including Raephion's peer, Urius--had fallen to the might of the Advocates.
Raephion was no coward, but he had known that he alone could not handle even one of these foes. Escaping with the Queen and the rest of the vital Empyreum members, Raephion and some others managed to escape the planet...as it was partially detonated, leaving it's glowing core exposed to the cold universe.
One of the Advocates pursued the ship, and destroyed it with ease, as well as all of its inhabitants save for Raephion, who escaped by the skin of his teeth. In fact, the only reason why Raephion was still alive is because the immense power used by the pursuing Advocate caused a rip in spacetime nearby, a wormhole which had readily swallowed Raephion's escape pod like so much water into a black cavernous recess.
Unbeknownst to him, Raephion's escape pod had been floating out in space for many, many years. The wormhole had ruptured and sent him clear across the universe.
Raephion was certain he would die. The pod had even run out of power at a point, and Raephion--still in hypersleep and unable to wake up--was forced to endure a horrible emptiness as the small debris of his people, with he locked helplessly in it's center, spun end to end across what may have been miles and years.
Raephion, out of starvation, went into a deep level of low-consciousness. While asleep his psychic mind could still operate freely, but he had reached apoint where that--something he did his entire life--had become too draining to attempt. His strength was faded. The mighty Elitist Protector had not only failed to save others, but he would fail to save himself.
A lapse of consciousness followed. A long one.
When Raephion came to--surprised to be coming to--his pod was opened, and he was in the center of a grassy field. Around the pod, a crater about 50 feet wide and 10 feet deep had extended. Raephion had expected the soil to have been hot and smoldering, but it wasn't. He had been lying here for some time, apparently. It was then that he realized there were others on this planet. Quickly stepping out of the pod and shaking off his physical fatigue, Raephion flexed his cut musculature and let the kinks and knots all right themselves.
A quick psychic scan of the area showed that this race--called "humans"--were not nearly of the evolutionary stature as his esperian gene pool had been. Raephion was shocked to see these creatures--while initially they looked so similar to the esperians he had always known as his people, he couldn't help but be appalled.
Aside from the general lack of psychic energy (which, to an esper, is considered a very primitive atmosphere), the people of this human race seemed horrifically deformed at regular intervals. While some were thin, pale, and frazzled, others could be more than three times their body's natural size, nearly exploding from their skins. Some had no hair at all by choice, and others helplessly disguised empty patches on the tops of their wrinkled, shiny heads. Deep wrinkles clouded skin at a mere childhood age of 40 or 50 years; the gravity here was so light that Raephion found it difficult to fathom the sagging lumps that littered the streets of Earthâs cities during this mid-day time many of them referred to as âlunch.â
Raephion scanned their minds as he meditated in that fairly empty woodland clearing where he'd landed. As the sun began to go down, Raephion had learned a great deal about the place called Earth, and the people who inhabited it.
The idea of unhealthiness, while alien to him, explained the seemingly erratic sizes and energies of these people. One thing remained, however--he still could not believe the simple and obvious fact that none of these beings were warriors, protectors. They lived almost entirely under the rule of something called "commerce." Most of them despised and distrusted one another vehemently, even their own children and life partners--called "spouses" or "lovers" here in this world.
Raephion wondered to himself. Was there not a heart of a warrior on this entire planet? Was there no place for him here?
And all the while unbeknownst to Raephion, this innocent world would be placed in the gravest of dangers by his presence, for one of the mighty Advocates was already on their way to intercept him....
If anyone would like to join in, feel free. If not, crits and complaints are welcome. I need to improve my writing lately and could use the help.
=============
Chapter 1: The Last Esperian Elite
"My name is Raephion Lurius. I am an esper, and a soldier of the Elitist Empyreum Guard. On the honor of my fathers before me do I swear my family crest's honor to the Empyreum. I pledge my bravery to the leaders of the Empyreum, and my loyalty to they and the people whom they represent. Together, we are one. Collective. I am an Elite Warrior. I am an Esper. My name, is Raephion Lurius."
In his mind, Raephion repeated that oath in a psychic undertone. It was the only thing he could do to keep himself occupied in stasis; as an esper, a gifted psychic race, Raephion was completely unable to dream while in hypersleep because his control over his mind and body were too precise. Repeating this oath to himself psychically for weeks at a time while he slept in his uncomfortably cramped pod seemed the only thing he could do to pass the time without going insane.
The ship had been destroyed, and the Empyreum annihilated. The queen was long dead. As were most of the troops who had protected her. The attack had been too sudden; the enemy far too powerful, even for the might of the Empyreum Guard.
These three malevolent beings denoued themselves only as "The Advocates of Aldicron." Aldicron was the legendary life force that came to the esper homeworld millenia before and offered them the opportunity for superior evolution and prosperity, in exchange for the energy of the planet Terridia itself. The esperian leaders at the time had thought it was a win/win scenario.
The story of Aldicron's coming, and of Queen Vitaria's acceptance of his amazing gift (and it's grave consequences which then were yet to unfold) had gradually faded into the stuff of myth and legend over the centuries. The truth only became apparent when the advocates had arrived.
The abberant monstrous powers that were the three Advocates seemed nigh unstoppable. Despite even the most powerful Tier 2 warriors bearing their all, the mighty Advocates seemed able to regenerate with minimal effort. As a result, even the mightiest esperian warriors--including Raephion's peer, Urius--had fallen to the might of the Advocates.
Raephion was no coward, but he had known that he alone could not handle even one of these foes. Escaping with the Queen and the rest of the vital Empyreum members, Raephion and some others managed to escape the planet...as it was partially detonated, leaving it's glowing core exposed to the cold universe.
One of the Advocates pursued the ship, and destroyed it with ease, as well as all of its inhabitants save for Raephion, who escaped by the skin of his teeth. In fact, the only reason why Raephion was still alive is because the immense power used by the pursuing Advocate caused a rip in spacetime nearby, a wormhole which had readily swallowed Raephion's escape pod like so much water into a black cavernous recess.
Unbeknownst to him, Raephion's escape pod had been floating out in space for many, many years. The wormhole had ruptured and sent him clear across the universe.
Raephion was certain he would die. The pod had even run out of power at a point, and Raephion--still in hypersleep and unable to wake up--was forced to endure a horrible emptiness as the small debris of his people, with he locked helplessly in it's center, spun end to end across what may have been miles and years.
Raephion, out of starvation, went into a deep level of low-consciousness. While asleep his psychic mind could still operate freely, but he had reached apoint where that--something he did his entire life--had become too draining to attempt. His strength was faded. The mighty Elitist Protector had not only failed to save others, but he would fail to save himself.
A lapse of consciousness followed. A long one.
When Raephion came to--surprised to be coming to--his pod was opened, and he was in the center of a grassy field. Around the pod, a crater about 50 feet wide and 10 feet deep had extended. Raephion had expected the soil to have been hot and smoldering, but it wasn't. He had been lying here for some time, apparently. It was then that he realized there were others on this planet. Quickly stepping out of the pod and shaking off his physical fatigue, Raephion flexed his cut musculature and let the kinks and knots all right themselves.
A quick psychic scan of the area showed that this race--called "humans"--were not nearly of the evolutionary stature as his esperian gene pool had been. Raephion was shocked to see these creatures--while initially they looked so similar to the esperians he had always known as his people, he couldn't help but be appalled.
Aside from the general lack of psychic energy (which, to an esper, is considered a very primitive atmosphere), the people of this human race seemed horrifically deformed at regular intervals. While some were thin, pale, and frazzled, others could be more than three times their body's natural size, nearly exploding from their skins. Some had no hair at all by choice, and others helplessly disguised empty patches on the tops of their wrinkled, shiny heads. Deep wrinkles clouded skin at a mere childhood age of 40 or 50 years; the gravity here was so light that Raephion found it difficult to fathom the sagging lumps that littered the streets of Earthâs cities during this mid-day time many of them referred to as âlunch.â
Raephion scanned their minds as he meditated in that fairly empty woodland clearing where he'd landed. As the sun began to go down, Raephion had learned a great deal about the place called Earth, and the people who inhabited it.
The idea of unhealthiness, while alien to him, explained the seemingly erratic sizes and energies of these people. One thing remained, however--he still could not believe the simple and obvious fact that none of these beings were warriors, protectors. They lived almost entirely under the rule of something called "commerce." Most of them despised and distrusted one another vehemently, even their own children and life partners--called "spouses" or "lovers" here in this world.
Raephion wondered to himself. Was there not a heart of a warrior on this entire planet? Was there no place for him here?
And all the while unbeknownst to Raephion, this innocent world would be placed in the gravest of dangers by his presence, for one of the mighty Advocates was already on their way to intercept him....
