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heres mine
one blond made an exam she made it with a coin if it was one side she wrote answer one if the other it was answer 2
then the teacher noticed that she keep throwing the coin afther she finished the exam the teacher ask why are you keep throwing the coin
then she said i am checking the answer dah
lol
one blond made an exam she made it with a coin if it was one side she wrote answer one if the other it was answer 2
then the teacher noticed that she keep throwing the coin afther she finished the exam the teacher ask why are you keep throwing the coin
then she said i am checking the answer dah
lol
A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
The blonde approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
The blonde approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
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This is the only non-rude half decent one i can think of atm (wow, theres alot of blonde jokes, aren't there ?)
There were 3 crooks, and english crook, a scottish crook and an irish crook.
They get caught half way through a robbery, and then run away down an alley. In a rushed attempt to try and hide before the police ran round, each one jumped in a sack.
The police man first walked up to the sack that the english man was hiding in. Just before he opened it, the english man says "woof woof"
"Ah, it must be a dog" says the police man.
He then walks up to the second bag that the scottish man was hiding in, goes to open it and hears "meow meow"
"Ah, it must be a cat" says the police man.
Walking further in, he finds the bag that the irish man is hiding in, goes to open it and hears
"potatoe potatoe"
Bum bum chhhhhhhh
There were 3 crooks, and english crook, a scottish crook and an irish crook.
They get caught half way through a robbery, and then run away down an alley. In a rushed attempt to try and hide before the police ran round, each one jumped in a sack.
The police man first walked up to the sack that the english man was hiding in. Just before he opened it, the english man says "woof woof"
"Ah, it must be a dog" says the police man.
He then walks up to the second bag that the scottish man was hiding in, goes to open it and hears "meow meow"
"Ah, it must be a cat" says the police man.
Walking further in, he finds the bag that the irish man is hiding in, goes to open it and hears
"potatoe potatoe"
Bum bum chhhhhhhh
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- Jan 18, 2002
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A woman walks into the welfare office, trailed by 11 kids...
"WOW", the social worker exclaims, "are they ALL YOURS???"
"They all mine," she sighs, having heard that question a thousand
times before.
She then says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, "you must be here to sign up.
I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest, he is Leroy." "OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues one by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy! "All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here ... Are they ALL named Leroy?" "Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop.
It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy." The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "I call them by their last names."
"WOW", the social worker exclaims, "are they ALL YOURS???"
"They all mine," she sighs, having heard that question a thousand
times before.
She then says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, "you must be here to sign up.
I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest, he is Leroy." "OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues one by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy! "All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here ... Are they ALL named Leroy?" "Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop.
It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy." The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "I call them by their last names."
Why can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
Why are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
Why do Supermarkets make the sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Why do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive-way and put our junk in the garage.
Why do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Why do we buy hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight.
Why do we use the word "politics" to describe the process of Government. "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."
I close with...
SUPER BEAR!!!! DA-DA-DA DA-DUNN!!!!!
Why are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
Why do Supermarkets make the sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Why do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars on the drive-way and put our junk in the garage.
Why do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Why do we buy hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight.
Why do we use the word "politics" to describe the process of Government. "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."
I close with...
SUPER BEAR!!!! DA-DA-DA DA-DUNN!!!!!
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I found this one really funny.
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's
office for a checkup. Afterwards, the doctor took
the wife aside and said, "Unless you do the
following things, your husband will surely die."
The doctor then went on to say, "Here's what you
need to do." "Every morning make sure you serve
him a good healthy breakfast. Meet him at home
each day for lunch so you can serve him a well
balanced meal. Make sure you feed him a good, hot
meal each evening and dont overburden him with
any stressful conversation, nor ask him to
perform any household chores. Also, keep the
house spotless and clean so he does'nt get
exposed to any threatening germs."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what
the doctor said. She replied, "You're going to
die".
office for a checkup. Afterwards, the doctor took
the wife aside and said, "Unless you do the
following things, your husband will surely die."
The doctor then went on to say, "Here's what you
need to do." "Every morning make sure you serve
him a good healthy breakfast. Meet him at home
each day for lunch so you can serve him a well
balanced meal. Make sure you feed him a good, hot
meal each evening and dont overburden him with
any stressful conversation, nor ask him to
perform any household chores. Also, keep the
house spotless and clean so he does'nt get
exposed to any threatening germs."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what
the doctor said. She replied, "You're going to
die".
A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.
By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"
The fireman says, "No!"
The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."
:laff:
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.
By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"
The fireman says, "No!"
The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."
:laff: