A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but
legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most
frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was
hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my
faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have
ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon
only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty
ROARRRR! I pooped in my pants."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the
same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ''ROARRRR!''"
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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car. He was astounded to see
that the blonde driver was knitting. Realizing that she was oblivious to his
flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on
his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" she yelled back. "IT'S A SCARF!"
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An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun
rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his
arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens."
"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just
laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by,
dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the
boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks
by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks
caught in it.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks
like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got
there?"
"It's a pussy willow."
"Wait up...I'll get my hat."
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Three little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, "My
Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings."
The second little boy pipes up, "Well, my Dad smokes, too, and can blow
smoke out of his eyes."
The third little boy, not to be outdone responds, "My Dad can blow smoke out
of his butt."
"Really, have you seen it?" reply the boys.
The third boy responds, "No, but I've seen the tobacco stains on his
underwear ..."
