Some dbz fanmanga pages

[The_Real_Legend]

I'm not really sure if i'm being smart submitting this here. Because probably not enough people will even see this.
It's also been a long time since i last posted. But i do still visit these forums occasionally.

But a while back and maybe some people remember, i showed the first version of this manga in this same forum.
I redrew everything and changed the story a little bit. But being just 5 pages you can't really call it a story yet.
Hope somebody is interested and can give me some good crits on the drawings because i like some of them, but mostly i need to find consistency in the quality of the drawings and how the characters look.

Anyway here they come:

page 1:



page 2:



page 3:



page 4:



page 5:



That's all folks.

 

[Jakut]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOL @ LEND ME YOU ENERGY!!

 

[elNarr]

all fan made 'doujin' are Crap.
the creator of this should kill himself, seriously, this was just damn stupid and retarted.

 

[Zeonix]

The first poster is the creator, Legendary.

The dialogue is pretty bad and their dilemma is all too typical of dragonball. If that giant ball turns out to be a ship or something and a super strong guy comes out who's more powerful than anything ever witnessed by the Z-warriors, you need to stop and write an actual script or at least a plot outline. If it's just a ball that gets destroyed by a SB, you need to stop and write an actual script or at least a plot line. Just because it's DBZ doesn't mean it has to be bad.

 

[elNarr]

oh well, then my post is directly to him then, i was too lazy to read, but just clicked the thumbnails.

 

[Jariroth]

Why cant people have enough imagination to make their own stories and characters? Using somebody elses characters kind of shows how little effort is putted in the manga. And i dont like the storyline so far.

 

[The_Real_Legend]

@ Zeonix: Well from what i have shown now you're right about the story not being very complex. Then again this actually is just an intro to my actual manga that shift some couple of 100 years into the future where no existing character still lives. I just drew this to explain why things will be the way they'll be in my manga.

So to be short the fireball isn't the actual danger and will be delt with in the following pages.

Also Zeonix could you tell me which specific parts of the dialogue you find really bad. I know i'm not much of a writer so i need to work on that.

 

[PiXel]

Jariroth.... why cant you make a Signatur with your own character drawed in it?
Its fine when you use the allready given parts really well, if you abuse them they wont get loved.

Anywayi actually enjoined somehow the art part of those 5 pages, it would be better if the energy ball would be more like a circle instead of a bugged egg. Some proporations are bad but its giving the dbz feeling somehow back.

I didnt read anything cuz i only pay atenttion on art in anything lol.

nice effort!

 

[Synth]

all fan made 'doujin' are Crap.
the creator of this should kill himself, seriously, this was just damn stupid and retarted.

I'm getting tired of your attitude lately... have a warning for flaming.

-

TRL, I admire your attempt to pay tribute to DBZ... in a way, this is a sypnosis of the series.

 

[Jariroth]

Jariroth.... why cant you make a Signatur with your own character drawed in it?

Because its easier to use already made stocks?
But if i started to draw a new manga, i would think up my own world and characters, because that way i couldnt mess up their personalities or do a thing againt the rules of that world.
And surely if i had my own manga, i would probably use a character from it in my sig.
Even though, its not a bad thing to train yourself by drawing Fan comics, im a fan of one Naruto fan comic myself(Even though it has its own character, it just uses Naruto world as its base).
I just dont see it that intresting to watch somebody else use the characters somebody else made. Its exactly like Fillers.

BTW: The Artwork isnt that bad, expect some proportion issues in some screens.

 

[Vegeta]

Cool attempt. I respect people who are creative. Anyway, you're an average drawer, you know angles, but a lot of the proportions are off. As far as the plot goes, it looks like it picked up at a random point; Gogeta was in space, everyone was gathered outside CC... so I'm lost on what's going on in it.


I must be really lazy: Care to fill me in on how you darken outlines (manga style) and make it all look like dry ink? I haven't done my research.

 

[The_Real_Legend]

As far as the storie goes i tried to use the dialogue at capsule corp to explain what's happening. Maybe i didn't really succeed.

About the darkened outlines. Do you mean the outlines on every, like the square around it? Or do you mean outlines on the character's?

 

[Skiwan]

Guys, give him a break! If you remember i started on these boards showing my dbz fan manga

Its okay so far, aside from proportional issues you do have a good grasp of toriyama's style, nothing but practice is going to get you better at that, infact I think i most improved on the style while doing DBNG because of the vast ammounts of drawing I did for it. However, there are a few tips that I can give you for your future work, first of all is you're not putting enough consideration into the layout of the pages, panels are just rectangles and unimaginative, some pages are just full of boxes and it makes for a dull read. It could help to just do small thumbnail sketches of how you're planning out a page before you get to it, this also will improve proportions as you notice the problems you're having already on the thumbnail and remember to take things into consideration. The other thing I'd recommend is using a compass or circle templates for circles, it really makes things easier, you lose the umph in that huge picture of the fireball just because it's not really round as it should be. You make a few nice choices of perspective, however when the dialogue kicks in you lose it, displaying almost all characters head on with a very linear angle, you may think "I just need to show this dialogue so the story can progress" but look at it more as a challenge, see how much you can push those interesting angles into the shots, try not to use the same kinda angles more than once on a page, again it makes for a dull read. I know how much a pain in the ass all those manga line backgrounds can be, they're ****ing annoying, however, try to remember it must be consistant to be successful, if they all radiate from a point off the page get a huge drawing board, stick your page in an appropriate place, get a long ruler and mark a spot on the drawing board where you're going to radiate those lines from.

anyway, I think i've covered everything ^^ people are saying inventing your own characters might be better, and to be honest I agree, main reason I didnt finish NG, is because I didnt really want to continue drawing toriyama style at one point, I realised I wanted my own style, and while I was getting better at that, It was damaging my own development. It made me resent the choice of manga I'd chosen to create, making a manga takes a lot of dedication and isn't exactly something you should do whimsically. I know it may seem now that you've got a great story in mind, and you're constantly thinking of ways it could go, but picture 3 months down the line, you've done 100 pages or whatever, and you're sick to death of drawing dbz, because you wanna get better at actual drawing, than drawing dbz. Well, that's how it was for me anyway D: