Post a Joke

[EnigmaOCD]

I think tensions can get a little high on the forums and the best way to fix this is a joke every now and then. That's why i started this thread. I think that we should all post the best non-obscene joke we ever heard on this thread so that we can all share in the laughter. I'll start things off:

One day Steve's wife, Sue, had to leave quickly on a business trip, leaving behind her beloved pet, JoJo the dog. Oh how she loved this dog. She loved it almost as much as she loved Steve. Anyway, she put her beloved pet in the hands of her husband and took off.

Most terribly (and rather predictably) her dog died while she was away. It was Steve's duty to call her and tell her the bad news. So he called her in her hotel room and said, "I'm sorry honey, but JoJo died." After many hours of torment and agony over the telephone, Sue told Steve that he handled the situation horribly. She said, "When you told me this, you should have done it gradually over a few days. The first day you should have called and told me that JoJo was on the roof of the house. The second day you should have called and said that he jumped off the roof and broke his leg. Then, on the third day, you should have said that you took him to the vet but he died."

Steve took this advice to heart and went to sleep.

The next day he called back and said, "Honey, Grandma's on the roof..."

 

[Galst Vic]

That wasn't funny at all lol pretty dumb...

Until i think of a joke ill post it

 

[Brim]

Two mushrooms walk into a bar and order a drink

The bartender refuses them

The first mushroom asks "Why not...we're just a couple of fungis"

 

[Deman]

A neutron walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him, gives him a wink and says "For you, no charge!"

An ion walks into the bar and asked the bartender "Hey, did you guys happen to find an electron here last night?" The bartender replies, "An electron, are you positive?"

 

[GhostfaceKillah]

A neutron walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him, gives him a wink and says "For you, no charge!"

An ion walks into the bar and asked the bartender "Hey, did you guys happen to find an electron here last night?" The bartender replies, "An electron, are you positive?"

badum ching... :laff:

 

[Dask]

So, one night This Dad listens into his kid's door to his room and hears the boy praying, the boy says, "God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa,"the next day, the Grandpa dies. Later during the night of the Grandpa's death, the Dad hears the boy praying again,"God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grandma,"the next day, the Grandma dies. Later that night the Dad hears the kid praying again, "God bless Mommy and Daddy. The next day the Dad has a horrible time all day worrying that he's going to die. Later that day he comes home and tells his wife,"Honey I've had a horrid day and I've been worried all day." Then the Mom says, "You think you've had a horrid day, the post man died at the doorstep today."

 

[Pain]

guy walks into a bar and says ow

 

[imported_Mystix]

ur mom! :laff:

 

[KarrdeKNR]

Hey, perfect place for my really bad escaflowne joke. This came up after anime club after watching Escaflowne. Now if you've seen Escaflowne, you know that there's a certain physical atribute of the characters that annoys most ppl ;P

So Allen, Van and Hitomi walk into a bar, Bartended says "why the long nose?"

Bad rip of the horse walks into a bar, bar tender says "why the long face?"

-Karrde-

 

[DiebytheSword]

Three fugitives, a blonde bombshell, a brunette, and a red head have all broken out of prison. They stole a car, and headed for the nearest interstate. Their time was short, and none of them wanted to return to lock up, so they tried to put as many miles between them and the state as possible. In their unfortunate haste, the blonde blows through a speed trap, and gets a state trooper on their tail. The brunette freaks, telling them how close he's getting as the red head barks some orders. After some wickedly fancy driving by the blonde, the three get far enough away that they can ditch the car and hide in a nearby factory that they spotted. The trooper finds the abandoned car and goes looking for the three female cons. The girls found some sacks to hide in, and they all decided that they should hide in them untill the cop passed. It didn't take long for the cop to spot the sacks, and he kicked the first one gently.

The red head replied with the whimpering of a dog.

The cop kicked the second one, deciding that dogs were not important while these fugitives were on the loose.

The brunette replied with the mewls of a kitten.

The cop decided to call the ASPCA when this was over to report the abandoned animals. But first he kicked the last sack . . .

"POTATOES!"

 

[Hibiki]

Two mandalorian solders are walking through the woods when all of a sudden one of them falls over, eyes glazed

his partner is confused and calls the commander

"My partner is dead what should i do?"

the commander responds

"First of all stay calm. Second make sure hes dead."

a shot is heard over the radio

"Ok now what?"

 

[Synth]

nice jokes, [eD] !, hib, and cuc


Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

 

[Naruto Kun]

A guy walks into a crowded docters office, wen he gets to the front desk the recieptionist sais wats ur problem, he replies i got a problem with my ****, she sais dont say that, he sais y, u asked wats wrong and i told u, she sais we dont use that language here, come bak in in a minute or 2 and say there is something wrong with ur ear, so he comes bak in in a minute and she sais wat seems to be the problem, i got a problem with my ear, wats the problem she replies, i cant bloody piss out of it

*edited by Cucumba*
*Do not evade the swear filter*

 

[Vegeta420]

A Touring Vantrilaqist(SP,guy who can throw his voice) , is touring australia he comes accross a farm, he decides to have a little fun so he goes up to the porch a farmer and his dog are sitting on the porch. so the Vantrilaquist asks the farmer if he can talk to his dog, the farmer replied "Dogs cant talk dummy." so the Vantrilaquist says "so do you mind?" Farmer say nope go ahead and talk. so the Vantrilaquist asks the dog "so hows the farmer treating ya?" the dog replies "Good, he walks me weekly,baiths me often and feeds me good dog food." The farmer is absolutly dumbfounded by this. so the Vantrilaquists notices some horses and asks the farmer if he can go talk to a horse, the farmer nods. Vantrilaquists says same question and the horse replies much like the dog. so the Vantrilaquists see's some sheep and asks the farmer if he can go talk to the sheep the farmer screams "THE SHEEPS A ****EN LIAR!!!".

kinda sick, but still funny lol

 

[Dask]

This blonde recently dyed her hair black hoping that people wouldn't make fun of her and call her dumb. So one day she went on this road trip and saw a farm that had some sheep on it. She stopped and talked to the farmer, " Hello, if I can guess how many sheep you have can I have one?""Sure,"says the farmer. So the blonde says " 101." She takes a sheep and starts to walk off. The farmer says "If I can guess your natural hair color can I have my dog back?"

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So this cop pulls over a red sports car, but before he gets out to talk to the driver he reports the liscence plate over the radio and he hears back "Ok, go up to the car and drop your pants." The cop doesn't get it so he asks, "Why?" The voice over the radio says, "TRUST ME." So the cop walks up to the car and notices that it's a blonde lady, so following orders he drops his pants and the blonde says, "Oh, another breathalizer test?"

 

[Brim]

Loved your joke Hwo

What do you call two blondes in a Freezer? Frosted Flakes


So there's this guy, and he decides he wants to get really drunk at his hotel tonight. So he goes to the bar, which is on the 2nd floor of his hotel. Lucky for him the hotel is having dollar pitchers that night, so he proceeds to get extremely smashed. Finally the bartender cuts him off, telling him that he thinks its time for him to leave. Pissed off that he can't drink anymore, the guy stumbles out of the bar and heads toward the elevators. Too drunk to realize it, the guy walks up to an elevator that is out of order, walks through the rope, and proceeds to fall 2 stories, landing with a loud thump. He doesn't move for a few minutes, but finally musters the ability to turn over. Upon turning over he looks around and yells "DAMNIT, I SAID UP!"

 

[Chikdo]

therz wz this guy who walkz on teh patf and hus chicken ranz over tehz road and
he kickezd him lol!!!!111

 

[Dask]

therz wz this guy who walkz on teh patf and hus chicken ranz over tehz road and
he kickezd him lol!!!!111

I don't suppose you wanna put that in English? Lol there's a joke, Chikdo's grammar.

 

[Vejimaru]

Two guys walk into a bar...the third one ducks

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up. "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." Watson says, "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life," Holmes replied: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"

 

[Dask]

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who the hell knows, you can't ask the chicken!?