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OK, so ever since last summer my friends and I love to go to these so-called 'catacombs' that are near my city. Underground tunnels, if you will. We've gotten very deep and very far last summer, and it was amazing. All that adrenaline in your blood and that feeling of relief you get when you get out and see light, it's amazing. We wanted to do it again a week ago, since the weather was awesome. So we went up to the mountain where the catacombs are at (it's actually a medieval fortress and underground cemetery, but that doesn't matter), and came in. First we were scared to run into bats, so we threw stuff in there, like bricks. And we decide we're not ready to go in yet, so we get out. Then we hear voices from inside the catacombs, and then "BOOM!!". It seemed someone threw a banger inside. We were scared like hell, got on our bikes and wanted to get the hell out of there. Once he got to higher ground, so to speak, I scream out "WHO'S THERE!?". And a voice says: "Come down and see." And, we do. We go back down, and this guy crawls out of the catacombs. He was fat, tall, had a grey beard and mustache. He said "What the hell you think you're doing throwing stuff inside? How'd you like it if I threw bricks through your roof!?"
Then we apologize and he cools down, and we start talking. It appeared he was a guide. He gives you a 'tour' of the catacombs, if you can call it that, for 250 dinars, which is like $4. He offers to take us for free, he has his own site and everything, so we say "Why not?" and he leads us in. A few seconds after, a second guy jumps out in total darkness and yells at the top of his voice: "WHAT'S UP BOYS!!??!!" My blood froze. The guy started laughing. They turned their flashlights on and led us in. After a while, my friend asks the guide how come he can see in the dark, since he was using his flashlight to light our path, and we were behind him. He stops and turns around.
"Well son, 30 years ago some **** happened to me, you know what it means to be clinically dead?" he says.
"Yeah, it's when you're dead, but not dead, sort of." I say.
"Yeah yeah, something like that." he says. "Well, you know how people say vampires don't exist? Vampires exist. That day, when I went into a coma, a vampire came, sucked my blood out, and I woke up. Since then, I can see in the dark and light bothers me." By now I'm scared out of my socks. "Of course, I'm joking."
You may think I'm a sap to fall for something like that, but when you're following an unknown guy in total darkness with only one flashlight to light up your path, this is totally believable. So we go on, and I notice my cap is gone. "What the hell? Where's my cap?" I say, and my friends push me on. So I was forced to leave my cap. Boo hoo. We go on, and my friends asks:
"Has anyone ever gotten lost in this tour?"
"Well once, yeah. I've gotten 30 years of prison for losing three teenagers, one was wearing a green jacket and was tall, one was even taller and was wearing a red jacket, and the third was fat, and wore a black jacket."
I look at the three of us. I was wearing a green jacket, and I'm 186 cm. My friend was wearing a red jacket and he's 188 cm. My other friend was wearing a black jacket, and was indeed fat. My **** froze.
"Joking!" he said, and laughed. I sighed. We went on.
Ten minutes later approximately, we stopped again. This time he asked our names.
"Damjan." I say.
"Vladimir." the red-jacket guy said.
"Aleksandar." the fat guy said.
"Alright now, you two, Vladimir and Aleksandar are going to strip down, and anally rape Damjan." Now I'm ready to get the hell out of there and find my own way out.
"Joke!" he said, and laughed. I want to curse him, but know that he's my only way out, so I hold my tongue.
And we go on. A while later, they stopped again. This time he said:
"Okay. Boys, me and my friend here have decided to kill ourselves right here, and you three will be the only witnesses to our death."
He starts pulling something from his pocket, which I recognized as a banger. He also took out a yogurt cup, wrapped in tinfoil. He snapped the banger, spilled the gun powder on a piece of newspaper, lit it on fire. Don't know why it didn't explode. Then, he opened the yogurt cup, and lit the yogurt on fire. God knows how he did that. Now I was scared that we would run out of oxygen, and finally I said:
"For god's sake sir, put that out! We'll run out of oxygen!"
"Shut up." he said. In the end we didn't run out of oxygen, but man that yogurt stank. After that, we walked for a bit more and then left the catacombs. I couldn't believe that I was seeing light again, I really thought that guy was gonna kill us in there or get us lost or something. Then the guy that scared us when we came in turned me around and said: Is this your cap?
My cap was in his hand. Now I realized that he was walking behind me the whole time. Turns out the guy had no bad intentions, he just wanted to teach us a lesson, not to follow unknown people into holes. It worked xD.
Well, what do you say?
Then we apologize and he cools down, and we start talking. It appeared he was a guide. He gives you a 'tour' of the catacombs, if you can call it that, for 250 dinars, which is like $4. He offers to take us for free, he has his own site and everything, so we say "Why not?" and he leads us in. A few seconds after, a second guy jumps out in total darkness and yells at the top of his voice: "WHAT'S UP BOYS!!??!!" My blood froze. The guy started laughing. They turned their flashlights on and led us in. After a while, my friend asks the guide how come he can see in the dark, since he was using his flashlight to light our path, and we were behind him. He stops and turns around.
"Well son, 30 years ago some **** happened to me, you know what it means to be clinically dead?" he says.
"Yeah, it's when you're dead, but not dead, sort of." I say.
"Yeah yeah, something like that." he says. "Well, you know how people say vampires don't exist? Vampires exist. That day, when I went into a coma, a vampire came, sucked my blood out, and I woke up. Since then, I can see in the dark and light bothers me." By now I'm scared out of my socks. "Of course, I'm joking."
You may think I'm a sap to fall for something like that, but when you're following an unknown guy in total darkness with only one flashlight to light up your path, this is totally believable. So we go on, and I notice my cap is gone. "What the hell? Where's my cap?" I say, and my friends push me on. So I was forced to leave my cap. Boo hoo. We go on, and my friends asks:
"Has anyone ever gotten lost in this tour?"
"Well once, yeah. I've gotten 30 years of prison for losing three teenagers, one was wearing a green jacket and was tall, one was even taller and was wearing a red jacket, and the third was fat, and wore a black jacket."
I look at the three of us. I was wearing a green jacket, and I'm 186 cm. My friend was wearing a red jacket and he's 188 cm. My other friend was wearing a black jacket, and was indeed fat. My **** froze.
"Joking!" he said, and laughed. I sighed. We went on.
Ten minutes later approximately, we stopped again. This time he asked our names.
"Damjan." I say.
"Vladimir." the red-jacket guy said.
"Aleksandar." the fat guy said.
"Alright now, you two, Vladimir and Aleksandar are going to strip down, and anally rape Damjan." Now I'm ready to get the hell out of there and find my own way out.
"Joke!" he said, and laughed. I want to curse him, but know that he's my only way out, so I hold my tongue.
And we go on. A while later, they stopped again. This time he said:
"Okay. Boys, me and my friend here have decided to kill ourselves right here, and you three will be the only witnesses to our death."
He starts pulling something from his pocket, which I recognized as a banger. He also took out a yogurt cup, wrapped in tinfoil. He snapped the banger, spilled the gun powder on a piece of newspaper, lit it on fire. Don't know why it didn't explode. Then, he opened the yogurt cup, and lit the yogurt on fire. God knows how he did that. Now I was scared that we would run out of oxygen, and finally I said:
"For god's sake sir, put that out! We'll run out of oxygen!"
"Shut up." he said. In the end we didn't run out of oxygen, but man that yogurt stank. After that, we walked for a bit more and then left the catacombs. I couldn't believe that I was seeing light again, I really thought that guy was gonna kill us in there or get us lost or something. Then the guy that scared us when we came in turned me around and said: Is this your cap?
My cap was in his hand. Now I realized that he was walking behind me the whole time. Turns out the guy had no bad intentions, he just wanted to teach us a lesson, not to follow unknown people into holes. It worked xD.
Well, what do you say?
"joking"