Man Commits Suicide After Learning Harry Potter Spoiler

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"I No Longer Have a Reason to Live," Says Despondent Potter Fan

A rabid Harry Potter fan took his life yesterday after inadvertently learning a plot spoiler from the soon-to-be-released J.K. Rowling opus, “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”

Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, “I no longer have a reason to live.”

Family and friends who gathered for a candlelight memorial outside Mr. Ralston’s house remembered a man who seemed to live only for Harry Potter – and wondered if they could have done anything to prevent his tragic fate.


http://www.borowitzreport.com/
 

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Wow. That man has done it, he's done it. He's made me lose my faith in humanity.
 
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32? Thirty freakin Two? Usually the men of that age reads the Wall Street Journal, not harry potter. OM freakin Gosh, and they say that humans are the smartest of all species. -_-
 
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So a book has sadly killed a man and destroyed a rainforest.

I won't be visiting the local library anytime soon ;(
 

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Chakra-X said:
So a book has sadly killed a man and destroyed a rainforest.

I won't be visiting the local library anytime soon ;(
that rainforest started it.
 
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Ice Man said:
32? Thirty freakin Two? Usually the men of that age reads the Wall Street Journal, not harry potter. OM freakin Gosh, and they say that humans are the smartest of all species. -_-
You'll notice it's only the humans are the only ones sayin it o_o

The humans that are REALLY smart will tell you that humans are intelligent, yes, but their power lies in their ingenuity. HOWEVER, they're not smart enough to harness it...

I believe I'll put it into words right here and now, which everybody will essentially say (some will be coherent, some not): "I just don't get, what the hell was wrong with this person?"
 
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Sub said:
that rainforest started it.

What you mean the rainforest started the library? I was just making a spin off from the line "At your local library" :p

Now if that man killed himself cuz of a spoiler, I wonder what he would have done if the writer died or something...And if we can mae tofuu, im sure paper substitues could be made.
 
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Well, thats one way to get rid of Harry Potter fans.
 
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You guys do realize this is a humor site? "Paula Abdul considered for Supreme Court position"? The whole site is fictitious humor.
 
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This thread makes me lose faith in humanity... it's just a joke.
 
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I was havin more fun when it wasn't a joke :S
 

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Oh damn.. heh, well i didn't actually go to the site if that makes it any better.
 
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Synth said:
This thread makes me lose faith in humanity... it's just a joke.
Well said.

Although honestly? I have the propensity to believe it. Some people are just really sad and crazy.
 
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Woah, I thought it was really true. I never knew it was a joke... or did I? =O
 
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What's not to believe? People murdered over Pokemon cards. I definatly wouldn't be suprised.
Well, thats one way to get rid of Harry Potter fans.
Quoted, because it made me laugh.
 
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I feel like a hero after editing the spoilers out of another post on this forum since I may have just saved of Harry Potter's fans on this board.
 
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SailorAlea said:
You guys do realize this is a humor site? "Paula Abdul considered for Supreme Court position"? The whole site is fictitious humor.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
alea ur my hero :eek:
 
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Sub said:
Oh damn.. heh, well i didn't actually go to the site if that makes it any better.
Ditto *sheepish grin*

Well, still, like Hitokiri said, it's still a viable human action... Consider what these boards have seen in the past few years? I mean honestly!
 

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