Man Commits Suicide After Learning Harry Potter Spoiler

New Member
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Jun 17, 2003
Messages
3,397
Best answers
0
"I No Longer Have a Reason to Live," Says Despondent Potter Fan

A rabid Harry Potter fan took his life yesterday after inadvertently learning a plot spoiler from the soon-to-be-released J.K. Rowling opus, “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”

Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, “I no longer have a reason to live.”

Family and friends who gathered for a candlelight memorial outside Mr. Ralston’s house remembered a man who seemed to live only for Harry Potter – and wondered if they could have done anything to prevent his tragic fate.


http://www.borowitzreport.com/
 

sub

Active Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Jun 18, 2003
Messages
5,960
Best answers
0
Wow. That man has done it, he's done it. He's made me lose my faith in humanity.
 
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Jun 30, 2003
Messages
2,327
Best answers
0
32? Thirty freakin Two? Usually the men of that age reads the Wall Street Journal, not harry potter. OM freakin Gosh, and they say that humans are the smartest of all species. -_-
 
New Member
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Oct 27, 2004
Messages
2,462
Best answers
0
So a book has sadly killed a man and destroyed a rainforest.

I won't be visiting the local library anytime soon ;(
 

sub

Active Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Jun 18, 2003
Messages
5,960
Best answers
0
Chakra-X said:
So a book has sadly killed a man and destroyed a rainforest.

I won't be visiting the local library anytime soon ;(
that rainforest started it.
 
New Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2003
Messages
742
Best answers
0
Ice Man said:
32? Thirty freakin Two? Usually the men of that age reads the Wall Street Journal, not harry potter. OM freakin Gosh, and they say that humans are the smartest of all species. -_-
You'll notice it's only the humans are the only ones sayin it o_o

The humans that are REALLY smart will tell you that humans are intelligent, yes, but their power lies in their ingenuity. HOWEVER, they're not smart enough to harness it...

I believe I'll put it into words right here and now, which everybody will essentially say (some will be coherent, some not): "I just don't get, what the hell was wrong with this person?"
 
New Member
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Oct 27, 2004
Messages
2,462
Best answers
0
Sub said:
that rainforest started it.

What you mean the rainforest started the library? I was just making a spin off from the line "At your local library" :p

Now if that man killed himself cuz of a spoiler, I wonder what he would have done if the writer died or something...And if we can mae tofuu, im sure paper substitues could be made.
 
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Nov 29, 2004
Messages
1,626
Best answers
0
Well, thats one way to get rid of Harry Potter fans.
 
New Member
Retired Forum Staff
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Apr 7, 2003
Messages
1,478
Best answers
0
You guys do realize this is a humor site? "Paula Abdul considered for Supreme Court position"? The whole site is fictitious humor.
 
brainfeeder
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
May 29, 2002
Messages
5,179
Best answers
0
This thread makes me lose faith in humanity... it's just a joke.
 
New Member
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Oct 27, 2004
Messages
2,462
Best answers
0
I was havin more fun when it wasn't a joke :S
 

sub

Active Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Jun 18, 2003
Messages
5,960
Best answers
0
Oh damn.. heh, well i didn't actually go to the site if that makes it any better.
 
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Oct 2, 2002
Messages
1,043
Best answers
0
Synth said:
This thread makes me lose faith in humanity... it's just a joke.
Well said.

Although honestly? I have the propensity to believe it. Some people are just really sad and crazy.
 
New Member
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Jun 17, 2003
Messages
3,397
Best answers
0
Woah, I thought it was really true. I never knew it was a joke... or did I? =O
 
New Member
Joined
May 30, 2003
Messages
842
Best answers
0
What's not to believe? People murdered over Pokemon cards. I definatly wouldn't be suprised.
Well, thats one way to get rid of Harry Potter fans.
Quoted, because it made me laugh.
 
The Duke of Juke
Retired Forum Staff
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Dec 24, 2002
Messages
2,852
Best answers
0
I feel like a hero after editing the spoilers out of another post on this forum since I may have just saved of Harry Potter's fans on this board.
 
New Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2003
Messages
520
Best answers
0
SailorAlea said:
You guys do realize this is a humor site? "Paula Abdul considered for Supreme Court position"? The whole site is fictitious humor.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
alea ur my hero :eek:
 
New Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2003
Messages
742
Best answers
0
Sub said:
Oh damn.. heh, well i didn't actually go to the site if that makes it any better.
Ditto *sheepish grin*

Well, still, like Hitokiri said, it's still a viable human action... Consider what these boards have seen in the past few years? I mean honestly!
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top