Jokes

[DarkVegetaESF]

I decided to make a Joke thread where you can post Jokes you know[Always in English]
Here are two of those i remembered right now,more to come:




1st
One day a lady goes in a Taxi with a parrot on her shoulder,Wanting to go to a weding.She tells the driver the adress and she please him not to say bad words because the parrot hears them and repeats them.He agrees.But he couldnt hold himself.In one road he stops behind a big truck which was shooting smoke.The Driver gets off the Taxi and shouts:Hey a**hole,you made us that how we cant breath!The parrot stays calm.
In another road he saw a guy in a mersedez benz reading a newspaper.Driverorn?Porn?can i see too?Parrot stays calm again.In a couple of hours outside the city the see a dead cow in the middle of the road,Driver says:Quickly,Bring a bunch of people to lift the bi*** so we can pass.Parrot stays calm again.Finally arriving at the wedding,the parrot and the woman go in the church and the mystery starts.The priest appears with the thing that brings out smokes and starts blessing,the parrot says:Hey A**hole,you made us how we cant breath!The priest listens to the parrot and he nearly died.Then he begins to read fast the Gospel and the Parot saysorn?Porn?can i see too?Listening to the parrot,the priest fainted.Then the parrot says:Quickly,Bring a bunch of people to lift the bi***!

2nd
After School Boby goes to teacher and says:Madam i have 10000$,if i give them to you can u show me your a** ?-What are u talking about Bobby?!-Ill make it 20000$,she agrees.-Madam,if i give you 40000$ can you show me your tits?She agrees.-If i give you 60000$ can i lick them?,she agrees.-Madam,since we came so far,can i give you 100000$ to f**k you from your pu**y?She agrees.-Madam ill give you another 110000;Can i f**k you from behind?-From behind im virgin.-Dont worry,with that little d**k i have,you wont understand a thing,she agrees.
He finishes f**king her and leaves.When the teacher gets off the classroom she meets the headmaster;-Whats going on Mrs.Papadopoulou?Did Bobby gave you your money of your salary i told him to give you?

You post too

 

[MrPlow]

Um they're too direct and explicit. Not funny imho.

 

[Deathshot]

 

[-Origin]

What's red and bad for your teeth?
























A brick.

 

[Dead Hunter]

Policeman walks down the street, fells into coal pit and says: Good that its open because i wouldn't be able to get out

2 kids were playing and accidentally fell into some hole. They were trying to get out but unsuccessfully. One kid says if we don't get out in 30 min I'm going home

 

[Synth]

http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/6057/demotivationalposter16.jpg

 

[DarkVegetaESF]

i always hated english jokes,those are from greek language translated to english

 

[Suh Dude]

What's red and bad for your teeth?
























A brick.

That one made me lulz.

 

[-Origin]

Anti-jokes make me laugh harder then they really should.

On that note, what do you call a black man flying an airplane?



























The pilot, you racist son of a *****.

 

[DarkNeji]

Anti-jokes make me laugh harder then they really should.

On that note, what do you call a black man flying an airplane?


The pilot, you racist son of a *****.

Hahaha here I was thinking 'god here we go another rascist joke'



Why is the statue of liberty a woman?





so that the head supposed to be hollow for tourists..

 

[MrPlow]

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.

The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.

Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."

The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."

 

[DarkNeji]

A doctor says to his patient 'I have bad news and worse news'
what's the bad news? asks the patient.
The doctor replies, You only have 24 hours to live.
What are you serious?? said the patient. How can the news possibly be worse?
The doctor replies..

I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!

 

[MrPlow]

Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.

"Correct again." Says the teacher.

So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"

 

[DarkVegetaESF]

1)Blonde hair is the result of having two recessive alleles for hair color in your genotype. There is no correlation between hair color and intelligence.




2)What do you call an arab flying a 747?

A pilot.


3)A truck driver hits a woman, whose fault was it?

I don't know, but I hope one of them has insurance.


4)What does Michelle Obama do when she's horny?

She ****s the president.

 

[Snowm@n]

This joke is not ment to be racist:

What do you call a black man who has acne? A Ferrero Rocher.

And another:

What's the difference between a prostitute, and a bowling ball? You can only use 3 fingers in the bowling ball.

 

[EvolutionX]

Which is the final Super Saiyan form?

Chuck Norris

xDDD

 

[hleV]

Which is the final Super Saiyan form?

Chuck Norris

xDDD

Why your jokes are lame? It's because you are lame. Not a joke in fact.

 

[Z Power]

I giggled though.

 

[Damaera]

Why your jokes are lame? It's because you are lame. Not a joke in fact.

I like how Hlev is calling someone lame on a DBZ forum and when he argues about the length of Gohan's second transformation's hair.

 

[Denz]

the statue of liberty one made me laugh :')