JOKES!!!

[NeLo]

Hey guys, i thought id spice up the forums by throwing in a Joke Thread. So Post Your Jokes Here! :laff:

hippe gets on to a bus. and he sits by this nun cuz she is hella hot so he gets up the curage and says "will u have sex with me" and the nun gasps and runs off the bus. the hippe walks to the male bus driver and says "man i really wanted sum of that". and the bus driver says " yea me too, hey u know she goes to teh graveyard every night at 12:00 so just go there and tell her your jesus and command to have sex becuase she cant disoby the lord" and the hippie runs off to the grave yard. so the hippie now at the grave yard with a jesus suit walk up to the praying nun and says. "i command u to have sex with me" the nun replyes "oh my dear lord what ever u ask but it must be anal sex"(becuase nuns must be virgins) and the hippe says "ok wut ever" and he starts to have sex with her. so after ward he decideds it would be funny if he revels who he is. so hes take shis costume off and says "HA IM THE HIPPIE FORM THE BUS" and the nun takes off her clothes and says "HA IM THE BUS DRIVER"

 

[Loki]

Somehow thats very sick yet very funny

 

[TehMuffinMan]

"a prostitute was crossing the road, and a car smacks right into her, the bloke gets out, run over to her, he says "are you ok, can you see me?" she replys "yeah..i think" so he says "how many fingers have i got up" and she shouts " oh god im paralysed as well!"

bad X_x

 

[Death Biscuit]

One pleasant day, a priest was walking through the forest when he spotted a frog sitting on a rock. As he approached the frog it suddenly spoke to him. "Hello," said the frog.
The priest was visibly shocked by this. "What? A talking frog?"
"Well, I'm not actually a frog you see. I'm a 10 year-old choir boy really, but once upon a time I was walking through these woods when suddenly a wicked witch found me and turned me into a frog!"
"Well that's terrible!" said the Priest. "Is there a way to reverse the spell?"
"There is one way. I have to hope that some kind man will find me and take me home with him, where he'll provide me food, drink and a warm place to stay the night. In the morning I should change back to normal!"
"Well today's your lucky day!" exclaimed the priest happily. He scooped up the frog and began his way home.

Upon arriving at his house, the priest immediately sat the frog in front of his fireplace, and then gave him some good food and a drink of water. Later that night, as the priest went to bed, he placed the frog on the pillow next to him. Sure enough, when the priest awoke in the morning, a naked 10 year-old choir boy was lying next to him.


"And that, your honour, is the case for my defence."

 

[Pain]

2 nun's were riding their bikes down a old cobbelstone road. nun#1 says, "ive never come this way before". nun#2 says "its the cobbelstones"

 

[imported_Mystix]

Oh, I know a good one.

Pcjoe.

Bahahahaha!!!

 

[ZeroOmega878]

Hey guys, i thought id spice up the forums by throwing in a Joke Thread. So Post Your Jokes Here! :laff:

hippe gets on to a bus. and he sits by this nun cuz she is hella hot so he gets up the curage and says "will u have sex with me" and the nun gasps and runs off the bus. the hippe walks to the male bus driver and says "man i really wanted sum of that". and the bus driver says " yea me too, hey u know she goes to teh graveyard every night at 12:00 so just go there and tell her your jesus and command to have sex becuase she cant disoby the lord" and the hippie runs off to the grave yard. so the hippie now at the grave yard with a jesus suit walk up to the praying nun and says. "i command u to have sex with me" the nun replyes "oh my dear lord what ever u ask but it must be anal sex"(becuase nuns must be virgins) and the hippe says "ok wut ever" and he starts to have sex with her. so after ward he decideds it would be funny if he revels who he is. so hes take shis costume off and says "HA IM THE HIPPIE FORM THE BUS" and the nun takes off her clothes and says "HA IM THE BUS DRIVER"

Yes i kno where u got that from and i wont say it
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.

Theres another one from that site

 

[ShadowKillah]

lol thats funny

A kid in kindergartenwas asked to find the first 4 letters of the alphabet. So he went home and he asked his mom while she was in the shower, "mommy wuts the first letter of the alphabet?" "SHUT UP AND GET OUT," said his mom, so he memorized that as the first word of the alphabet. Next he went to his little brother who was smarter than him, he asked the second letter. He was watching batman so he said, "BATMAN NANANANANANANANA BATMAN" So he memorized that as his second letter of the alphabet. Next he asked his father while his dad was singing a song the third letter of the alphabet. His dad joyfully sang, "Down in the curb in the garbage can." So he memorized that. Last but not least he asked his 32 year old brother while his brother was proposing and his fiance just sed yes wut the fourth letter was. His brother excitedly sed "YES YES YES!!!!!."

The next day when he went to skool the teacher asked him, "wuts the first letter of the alphabet?" He said out loud, "SHUT UP AND GET OUT" So she sed, " WHO DO U THINK U R?!!?" He gladly replied "BATMAN NANANANANANANA BATMAN!" She sed in shock "Where do u live young man?" He sang joyfully just as his father did, "down in the curb in the garbage can" She said raising her voice, " UR GOING TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!" He said just excitedly as his brother had sed "YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

i kno its long but its funny

 

[B0Bmaster40000]

Here is some visual jokes

you guys probly think im some stoner drug addict now ....
dont get the wrong impression

btw, if this is against any forum rules, just say so and i'll fix up the post. no need to get touchy.

 

[Bryggz]

Lmao heres some

(True Story)
George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?” and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
“Hello. I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot all the sons of *****es ! .” Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting
nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of
the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not reffered to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

there :-D

 

[Smith|]

Those are pretty funny, I can't think of any right now. I'll have to find a joke site, if I can.

-UltraPerfectCell

 

[Naraku]

BAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!

 

[Polo]

\o/ If you live in Ontario you gotta know why this is funny

 

[NeLo]

BAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!

omg hahahah ive seen that one on my friends email. That was pretty funny. heh. 2 guys walk into a bar and say "Ow damn bar!" lol that was just a quicky. :laff:

 

[Naraku]

its called the "pissed off tree"

 

[NeLo]

lol it looks pissed off lol. :laff:

 

[Bryggz]

Yeah someone prolly chopped its "proverbial ****" of and used it for firewood :-D

anyways here's a quicky, what do you get when you cross and onion with a donkey?

Most of the time just an onion with floppy donkey ears, but if you're lucky, you'll see and ass that brings you to tears :*(

 

[Naraku]

prepare to fight me naraku...AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!