Joke Thread OF JOKES

[Darth Revan]

<center>Microsoft Air

</center>There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous.
Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around,rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hey where am I?"
To this, the solitary office worker replies, "You're in a plane."
The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it.
"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East.":laff: OOOPS SORRY WRONG SECTION My BAD Plz Move plz

 

[Grega]

Any reason why this isnt in the off topic part of the forums?

Still kinda funny.

 

[Darth Revan]

INTERNET woman:
Woman of difficult access.
SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.
WINDOWS woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER woman:
She is not worth for anything, but at least she is fun!
RAM woman:
She forgets everything you say when you disconnect her.
HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
MULTIMEDIA woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
USER woman:
She messes up everything she does and she asks always more than she needs.
CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS woman:
Also known as "wife"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

 

[Sicron]

http://bofh.ch/

This thread can be closed now.

 

[Darth Revan]

ye you just posted a site with adult Themes

 

[Sicron]

Yeah, you just read the header of the website. You are awesome! Seriously, Deco is more adultly themed than this website.

 

[Deman]

Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

 

[Darth Revan]

<center>Mrs. Jones, do you know me?

</center>A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

 

[Damaera]

Here's a good one:Women's rights.

Just kidding!

That was low

 

[Denz]

two guys played ESF, first one nicknamed himself Damaera and the second one had some white socks on.

 

[Tenzo]

I have one too.

"Bill Gates in bed with his wife after sex. He asks her:
Bill: And...How was is honey?
Wife: Well.....
It was micro...
And it was soft at the same time."

Maybe it doesn't sound that funny(couldn't find it on the net so i translated it) but oh well, i liked it.

 

[MrPlow]

I have one too.

"Bill Gates in bed with his wife after sex. He asks her:
Bill: And...How was is honey?
Wife: Well.....
It was micro...
And it was soft at the same time."

Maybe it doesn't sound that funny(couldn't find it on the net so i translated it) but oh well, i liked it.

I thought the wife said: "now i know why you called it microsoft"

 

[Darth Revan]

<center>You Might Be A Redneck If


</center>You think 'possum is the "other white meat".
Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.
You've ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.
Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket knife.
Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.
You picket your horses on your lawn so you won't have to mow it.
You're wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver's license pic.
You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds.

 

[Deman]

Have you guys heard the joke about the dyslexic who walked into a bra?

 

[Darth Revan]

Nice deman very nice

 

[The Deco]

http://www.anvari.org/fun/Gender/Proof_that_Girls_are_Evil.html

says it all, hardly even a joke.

 

[Synth]

How to be politically correct with women:

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.

She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

 

[Damaera]

http://www.anvari.org/fun/Gender/Proof_that_Girls_are_Evil.html

says it all, hardly even a joke.

Someone actually commented on that page saying:

I have a comment on Jim Garrigues remark. Jim says that x =
(sqrt(y))^2 ==> x=|y|. This is not the case. If we had x= sqrt(y^2),
then ==> x=|y|. Therefore, the original joke holds true and it is
incorrect to add the \"absolute\" evil to the joke.