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Thou shalt feel my wrath.Pain said:
And to think i was the first to chalange someone. Who would have thought that that would lead to an uprising in the FC XD
I feel so proud XD
Anyhow show me what you got
BTW Gohan had to forfit cause of school.
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I'd like to give it a go too, My only two fights ended because my opponents both pulled out of the deciding matches and gave up after that. Writing two or three chapters per fight without reward put me off Fight Club, but this might get me back into the spirit of things, since I know you're both regulars.
Sorry for the confusion guys, when I said newbie ref, I meant one of the recently chosen ones.
So... now that that's out of the way...
/me waits for ref.
So... now that that's out of the way...
/me waits for ref.
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/jumps in
i havent reffed yet. I'll take the job :O!
i havent reffed yet. I'll take the job :O!
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Than do your stuff.Kaination said:
The clasic: We want to know where we are fighting and all that jazz
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Gee thanks. Just watch out that you dont miss and get your own by mistake.Pain said:
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K, I forgot to add in scenery /stupid
The battlefield is a barren wasteland with red darkened sky. There are high pointed mountains in the distant backgrounds. The objects around you are pikes dug into the ground with skulls onto them.
commence thy fight! (I guess smacktalk is before this time)
The battlefield is a barren wasteland with red darkened sky. There are high pointed mountains in the distant backgrounds. The objects around you are pikes dug into the ground with skulls onto them.
commence thy fight! (I guess smacktalk is before this time)
The smell of death was still in the air as Pain made his way from pike to pike inspecting the skulls one by one. The area which used to be a lush grassland oasis was now nothing more than a barren wasteland stained with the blood of battles long past. He made his way to one skull in particular which still had a spine attached and removed it from the pike.
"This isn't it either..." Pain sighed and threw it over his shoulder.
"Why did you throw me away?"
Pain turned around to find Grega holding the skull he had previously discarded.
"What did I ever do to you?" Mocked Grega, still holding the skull pretending to make it speak.
This wasn't the first time someone had followed him around. Newbies did it all the time, but Grega was no newbie. "You'd better have a good explanation for following me out here, this is personal business." Pain spat out.
"What better reason then," Grega took hold of the skull by it's spine, "I want your job!"
Grega quickly swung the skull in attempt to catch Pain off guard. With a swift step back, Pain caught the skull and effortlessly crushed it in his hands.
"You should know," Pain reached for his sword, "you'll have to try harder than that,"
But Grega was already on top of him preventing him from unsheathing his sword. Pain looked at the darkened sky and grimaced as he realized he would be severely handicapped, exactly what Grega wanted. As he wrestled Pain to the ground he began to reach for Pain's BanSabre. Suddenly everything went dark.
"Wha--?!" Grega was cut off by a swift knee to the gut and tumbled off of Pain. As the darkness lifted Grega scrambled to his feet. "Nice parlor trick, but that second rate magic act won't stop me, not by a long shot," Grega said as he looked around trying to find Pain again.
"I'm over here."
Grega turned to see Pain standing there, smiling at him. He rushed in ready to attack, only to pass right through the figure he thought to be Pain. As the illusion vanished he was greeted by a pike angled at thirty degrees towards him. Grega easily leapt over the pike, frustrated that Pain had fooled him.
"Damn you, fight me like a man!" Grega said, fuming he was chasing shadows. He drew his sword prepared to dissipate Pain's next illusion. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash. Needle thin rays of light came tearing through the air straight for him. Grega turned and laughed as the light was drawn to his sword and absorbed. "Thanks for the charge, now show yourself."
Pain appeared, copies of himself surrounding Grega, again with a smile on each face.
"I thought I told you these tricks won't work?" Grega raised his sword above his head as all of the figures were drawn into it. The sword glowing even more radiantly than before.
"Well, it seems you've left me with little choice." said Pain as he materialized several yards away.
Grega was already running full speed towards his crafty opponent, using his sword to make sure it wasn't another illusion. As he drew nearer he leapt upward, sending a laser slash towards his stationary foe. Pain simply raised his hand and sent the attack back to its master as he was still airborne. Grega twisted in midair at the last second, nimbly avoiding his own attack. Pain and Grega smiled at each other, they both knew their abilities would cancel each others out. This fight would come down to fighting prowess alone.
Pain drew his sword and swung hard. Grega just barely avoided the large blade and managed to force it into a nearby pike while quickly lunging towards Pain, delivering a painful blow to the face. As Pain stumbled backwards Grega instantly spun around and connected with a roundhouse kick to the neck, reversing Pain's momentum, finishing off with an axe-handle to the back, forcing him hard into the ground. Pain could hear his ribs crack from the sheer force of the hit. As he tried to get up he was met with another kick to the ribs, sending him soaring several yards.
"Uugh..." groaned Pain as he spit up blood. "Not bad... but like I said, you'll need to try harder than that to replace me." he said, as the grip on his sword tightened.
Grega was still raging on the offensive, coming at Pain full force. He was met with another hard swing from the gigantic sword.
"SOLAR SHIELD!" shouted Grega.
Pain dissipated the shield before Grega could even completely form it. He had no idea Pain could react that fast as he quickly ducked under the swing. He saw his opportunity to sweep Pain's feet out from under him as Pain was still in mid-swing with his sword. He took it and Pain fell flat on his back, his sword sliding away as he let out another loud groan, his injured ribs taking another hit.
Suddenly another figure appeared as if out of the light itself, slashing at Grega ferociously. Just as quickly as it appeared it was gone the next instant, leaving him baffled as to what just transpired. He looked back at where he left Pain, who was already back on his feet, mid-swing with a pike in his hands, complete with a skull still on it. Grega had no time to react, he could only brace himself for what would surely be a gruesome hit. The pike connected hard, knocking Grega over and shattering the skull.
Pain clutched his ribs, stumbling away from Grega, desperately looking for any way to buy himself some time. But Grega was already up and saw his opportunity. He swiftly ran over to Pain and punched him hard in the ribs, focusing on the area that would cause the most harm. Pain stumbled forward and let out another loud groan as more blood spilled out of his mouth. Hit after hit, Grega pummeled his ribs relentlessly. Pain fell to the floor in horrible agony, he could hardly breathe.
"Where's your big talk now, moderator boy?" Mocked Grega, "You're pitiful. I should have done this ages ago."
Still clutching his ribs, Pain stood up, shaky on his feet. "You think you've been fighting the real me?"
Grega instantly unsheathed his sword and raised it above his head, dissipating any illusions in the area, looking around him for where the real Pain might be. Satisfied that he was not surrounded, he turned back to see Pain still standing there, with a smile on his face. He punched Grega in the throat hard, followed by a kick to the chin, throwing Grega backward violently. Furious, Grega quickly regained his footing and saw a pike just behind Pain at the right angle with which to impale him. He rushed in fast and threw Pain into the pike, piercing him through the stomach.
"AARRRGCHH!!" bellowed Pain as he looked down to see a pike where it should not be.
"This fight is over," laughed Grega, "You've lost," Grega kneeled over, positioning his ear near Pain's mouth, "Got any last words?"
Pain threw his hand out and found Grega's face. Instantly there was a blinding light from between his hand and Grega's face as Grega was thrown hundreds of feet backward into a rotting pile of bones.
"Oh **** this is nasty!" Grega screamed as he scrambled out of the pile of death. "And ****... what the hell was that?" thought Grega, "It feels like I got hit by a truck... but it doesn't matter now... I guess I'd better go back and claim my new BanSabre. He sure as hell won't need it anymore," he laughed.
As he made his way back to where he left Pain's broken body he daydreamed about all the things he would do with his new moderator status. He would be able to order people around now, and close threads. He was in no rush though, and after all, he needed to give Pain time to bleed out. When he finally reached his destination, he was astonished to find nothing but a pike with fresh blood on it.
"Like I said."
Grega looked over in horror as he saw Pain, completely healed. The dried blood still at the corner of his mouth and stomach.
"You'll need to try harder than that."
"This isn't it either..." Pain sighed and threw it over his shoulder.
"Why did you throw me away?"
Pain turned around to find Grega holding the skull he had previously discarded.
"What did I ever do to you?" Mocked Grega, still holding the skull pretending to make it speak.
This wasn't the first time someone had followed him around. Newbies did it all the time, but Grega was no newbie. "You'd better have a good explanation for following me out here, this is personal business." Pain spat out.
"What better reason then," Grega took hold of the skull by it's spine, "I want your job!"
Grega quickly swung the skull in attempt to catch Pain off guard. With a swift step back, Pain caught the skull and effortlessly crushed it in his hands.
"You should know," Pain reached for his sword, "you'll have to try harder than that,"
But Grega was already on top of him preventing him from unsheathing his sword. Pain looked at the darkened sky and grimaced as he realized he would be severely handicapped, exactly what Grega wanted. As he wrestled Pain to the ground he began to reach for Pain's BanSabre. Suddenly everything went dark.
"Wha--?!" Grega was cut off by a swift knee to the gut and tumbled off of Pain. As the darkness lifted Grega scrambled to his feet. "Nice parlor trick, but that second rate magic act won't stop me, not by a long shot," Grega said as he looked around trying to find Pain again.
"I'm over here."
Grega turned to see Pain standing there, smiling at him. He rushed in ready to attack, only to pass right through the figure he thought to be Pain. As the illusion vanished he was greeted by a pike angled at thirty degrees towards him. Grega easily leapt over the pike, frustrated that Pain had fooled him.
"Damn you, fight me like a man!" Grega said, fuming he was chasing shadows. He drew his sword prepared to dissipate Pain's next illusion. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash. Needle thin rays of light came tearing through the air straight for him. Grega turned and laughed as the light was drawn to his sword and absorbed. "Thanks for the charge, now show yourself."
Pain appeared, copies of himself surrounding Grega, again with a smile on each face.
"I thought I told you these tricks won't work?" Grega raised his sword above his head as all of the figures were drawn into it. The sword glowing even more radiantly than before.
"Well, it seems you've left me with little choice." said Pain as he materialized several yards away.
Grega was already running full speed towards his crafty opponent, using his sword to make sure it wasn't another illusion. As he drew nearer he leapt upward, sending a laser slash towards his stationary foe. Pain simply raised his hand and sent the attack back to its master as he was still airborne. Grega twisted in midair at the last second, nimbly avoiding his own attack. Pain and Grega smiled at each other, they both knew their abilities would cancel each others out. This fight would come down to fighting prowess alone.
Pain drew his sword and swung hard. Grega just barely avoided the large blade and managed to force it into a nearby pike while quickly lunging towards Pain, delivering a painful blow to the face. As Pain stumbled backwards Grega instantly spun around and connected with a roundhouse kick to the neck, reversing Pain's momentum, finishing off with an axe-handle to the back, forcing him hard into the ground. Pain could hear his ribs crack from the sheer force of the hit. As he tried to get up he was met with another kick to the ribs, sending him soaring several yards.
"Uugh..." groaned Pain as he spit up blood. "Not bad... but like I said, you'll need to try harder than that to replace me." he said, as the grip on his sword tightened.
Grega was still raging on the offensive, coming at Pain full force. He was met with another hard swing from the gigantic sword.
"SOLAR SHIELD!" shouted Grega.
Pain dissipated the shield before Grega could even completely form it. He had no idea Pain could react that fast as he quickly ducked under the swing. He saw his opportunity to sweep Pain's feet out from under him as Pain was still in mid-swing with his sword. He took it and Pain fell flat on his back, his sword sliding away as he let out another loud groan, his injured ribs taking another hit.
Suddenly another figure appeared as if out of the light itself, slashing at Grega ferociously. Just as quickly as it appeared it was gone the next instant, leaving him baffled as to what just transpired. He looked back at where he left Pain, who was already back on his feet, mid-swing with a pike in his hands, complete with a skull still on it. Grega had no time to react, he could only brace himself for what would surely be a gruesome hit. The pike connected hard, knocking Grega over and shattering the skull.
Pain clutched his ribs, stumbling away from Grega, desperately looking for any way to buy himself some time. But Grega was already up and saw his opportunity. He swiftly ran over to Pain and punched him hard in the ribs, focusing on the area that would cause the most harm. Pain stumbled forward and let out another loud groan as more blood spilled out of his mouth. Hit after hit, Grega pummeled his ribs relentlessly. Pain fell to the floor in horrible agony, he could hardly breathe.
"Where's your big talk now, moderator boy?" Mocked Grega, "You're pitiful. I should have done this ages ago."
Still clutching his ribs, Pain stood up, shaky on his feet. "You think you've been fighting the real me?"
Grega instantly unsheathed his sword and raised it above his head, dissipating any illusions in the area, looking around him for where the real Pain might be. Satisfied that he was not surrounded, he turned back to see Pain still standing there, with a smile on his face. He punched Grega in the throat hard, followed by a kick to the chin, throwing Grega backward violently. Furious, Grega quickly regained his footing and saw a pike just behind Pain at the right angle with which to impale him. He rushed in fast and threw Pain into the pike, piercing him through the stomach.
"AARRRGCHH!!" bellowed Pain as he looked down to see a pike where it should not be.
"This fight is over," laughed Grega, "You've lost," Grega kneeled over, positioning his ear near Pain's mouth, "Got any last words?"
Pain threw his hand out and found Grega's face. Instantly there was a blinding light from between his hand and Grega's face as Grega was thrown hundreds of feet backward into a rotting pile of bones.
"Oh **** this is nasty!" Grega screamed as he scrambled out of the pile of death. "And ****... what the hell was that?" thought Grega, "It feels like I got hit by a truck... but it doesn't matter now... I guess I'd better go back and claim my new BanSabre. He sure as hell won't need it anymore," he laughed.
As he made his way back to where he left Pain's broken body he daydreamed about all the things he would do with his new moderator status. He would be able to order people around now, and close threads. He was in no rush though, and after all, he needed to give Pain time to bleed out. When he finally reached his destination, he was astonished to find nothing but a pike with fresh blood on it.
"Like I said."
Grega looked over in horror as he saw Pain, completely healed. The dried blood still at the corner of his mouth and stomach.
"You'll need to try harder than that."
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Well i took a little time. Sorry bout that. Also Kain sorry but you have a lot to read ^^
The sun was setting over the area of the old gold mine. The skies were covered with dark clouds. The air reflected a strange dark red light down to the ground that was one a lively working place for miners. But now that area was turned into a wasteland. Pikes and bones lay everywhere for this is the place where the massacre took place years ago. A place that was thought to be forgotten by time. The entrance to the underground mine was still visible but was blocked by a large boulder, that trapped the souls, that were lucky enough to escape the massacre, into the mine. According to the old records not a single person returned.
This sad place was not visited by a soul since the day of the massacre. But this evening a figure appeared. the figure was 6'1" tall and was totally covered in a robe. With a large blade on its back. The strange person went to the entrance of the mine. "Fools", it said "you just had to do it. Didn't you?" The figure stepped on a nearby skull and crushed it with a single step. "As if i didn't warn you people", it continued to talk while walking round the area looking round like it was searching for something specific "but NO, you just didn't listen to me." The figure stopped in front of a pile of bones. "Is it here?" it said as it went searching throo the bones. Suddenly out of the background a voice appeared "It was you, right?" The figure turned round to see a shape. It was no doubt the core of the voice.
"Grega?" the figure asked. Grega stepped forward "Yes its me." He continued to walk toward the robed man. "I never imagined the stories were true about you. But i had to be sure" Grega stopped walking a few feet away pile where the figure stood. "Pain!" he shouted "How could you do such a thing?" Pain stepped forward and only laughed. "I warned them to clear out but they didn't listen. So it wasn't my fault." He replayed. "Thats no excuse!" yelled Grega "I'm going to make you pay. That way i can get two flies with one shot. Get my revenge and add a most powerful weapon to my collection." Grega smiled. "I'll take your life and your ban-sabre!"
Grega leaped forward towards Pain grabbing his sword, on the left side of his body, with the right hand making a slash to the right cutting straight throo Pain. "What th..." At that very moment Grega was sent flying upwards. While in the air he made a back flip and landed safely on his feet. "What the hell was that?" He shouted as he looked round to find Pain. A laughter appeared from behind him. "So you want my position..." said Pain "...I'll make sure you don't survive long enough to regret that decision." Pain grabbed the sword on his back and puled it upwards and than positioned it in front of him. "For you little man, i wont even need 10 minutes. so my ban-sabre can stay right where it is." Pain let go of the sword with his left hand and pointed the hand towards Grega. "It was a nice trick leaving a hologram in your place.." said Grega "..when i slashed throo the clone you hit me from below.." he continued "but i ashure you that only works once." Pain only smiled as rays of light shot out of his fingers directly towards Grega. There were five rays in total. Two passed on the left and one on the right. The other two hit Grega directly into the chest area."What the hell?" said Pain. "How come you are still standing?" Grega smiled "Simple really my armor is reflective. The attack you used cant pirce reflective surfaces"
"Shoot this may be tougher than i thought" thought Pain "and the stupid dark sky isn't helping me eater". At that moment Grega started to run towards Pain. Just before reaching pain he jumped upwards and positioned his sword above his head. With a slash throo the air he send a wave of light down towards Pain and screamed "TAKE THAT!" But the light wave just stopped in front of Pain and was sent back. "Fool who thinks he can beat me with such petty tricks" said Pain as he watched the wave go straight back to where it came from. Grega quickly put the sword in front of his body in a blocking position. He smiled and said "solar shield." At that very moment the sword started to glow and emit light in a half spherical form in front of his body. "****!" he screamed as he noticed the shield barrier fall apart. He quickly rolled to the right side and managed to evade the attack that Pain easily reflected back to its owner. Grega fell to the flor back first. "OFFFF" was heard as the air was pressed out of his body by the force of the impact. Pain came closer and stepped on Gregas chest. "Had enough small fry?" he continued "you babbled something about revenge earlier didn't you? What was that all about?" "As if you didn't know by now." said Grega with a serious looking face. He grabbed Pains leg with his right hand and rolled to the left. Pain had to give in or else he would sprain his ankle or maybe even break his leg. Grega quickly let go of the foot and braced his hands to the flor, quickly extending them and propelling himself to his feet. When he looked at the play where Pain fell he didn't see a thing. Instead 5 figures appeared round him. They all looked like Pain. "Playing games?" Grega asked. Ge grabbed his sword with both hands. "Ticks like this are useless." he said as the sword literally sucked the figures into itself. As the figures were drained by the sword it began to flicker a little but stopped as soon as the figures were gone.
Though he still didn't see Pain he heard a voice coming from behind "I see ill have to fight you the old fashioned way." It was Pain running towards Grega holding his sword in a position ready to slash. Pain made a swing with the sword and knocked Gregas sword out of his hands, but he missed Grega himself who quickly ducked. Ad that moment Grega extended his foot upwards hitting the hilt of pains sword. Grega hit the very spot where Pains fingers were holding the hilt. The moment of pain forced pain to let go and the sword flew away. "Ouch." He said all calm as if nothing would happen. Grega quickly got on his feet and grabbed Pains left arm with his left hand. He quickly rotated himself on the spot to the right extending the right elbow. Smashing it to the left side of Pains face. The blow was hard enough to make Pain fell to the right side. At that moment Grega spined on the spot to the left and hit Pain to the stomach area with a knee. "OFFFFFF" screamed Pain as the hit sent the air in his body out of his mouth. That hit also propelled Pain upwards. Grega quickly jumped and made a forward flip extending both his legs at half way. And finishing the flip by smashing both his heels into Pains back. Pain screamed in pain as he flew down smashing on the pile of bones below him. A crack was heard, just before Grega landed, followed by a scream. "That obviously broke a bone or two..." said Grega "...the question is only whos bones they were?"
Pain stood up a bone from the pile that broke turned into a spike that was stuck in Pains chest. Pain grabbed the bone and screamed loudly as he pulled it out. "Why you little.." he said but it was already to late for words. Grega was all ready all most on top of him. There was a moment of silence followed by a strong flash of light, that sent Grega flying into a rock formation smashing it in the process. Pain noticed his sword laying nearby. As he slowly walked towards it. By the way he walked you could see that he was hurt. As he reached the sword he started to koncentrate. He started to levitate and light shined round him. After a moment his wound was completely healed. He put the sword on his back and started to walk towards the place where Grega flew earlier. When he got there he saw that Grega was laying there knocked out. "My my" he said "Is that all that takes to knock you out of kompetition?" Than pain pulled out his ban-sabre and ignited it. The black color of the blade was bursting with energy. Pain pulled his hands behind his head ready so ram the ban-sabre throo Gregas chest. "Id ask you for a last wish......but in your state that would be a waste of time." He smiled as he started to move his hands toward Gregas death....
The sun was setting over the area of the old gold mine. The skies were covered with dark clouds. The air reflected a strange dark red light down to the ground that was one a lively working place for miners. But now that area was turned into a wasteland. Pikes and bones lay everywhere for this is the place where the massacre took place years ago. A place that was thought to be forgotten by time. The entrance to the underground mine was still visible but was blocked by a large boulder, that trapped the souls, that were lucky enough to escape the massacre, into the mine. According to the old records not a single person returned.
This sad place was not visited by a soul since the day of the massacre. But this evening a figure appeared. the figure was 6'1" tall and was totally covered in a robe. With a large blade on its back. The strange person went to the entrance of the mine. "Fools", it said "you just had to do it. Didn't you?" The figure stepped on a nearby skull and crushed it with a single step. "As if i didn't warn you people", it continued to talk while walking round the area looking round like it was searching for something specific "but NO, you just didn't listen to me." The figure stopped in front of a pile of bones. "Is it here?" it said as it went searching throo the bones. Suddenly out of the background a voice appeared "It was you, right?" The figure turned round to see a shape. It was no doubt the core of the voice.
"Grega?" the figure asked. Grega stepped forward "Yes its me." He continued to walk toward the robed man. "I never imagined the stories were true about you. But i had to be sure" Grega stopped walking a few feet away pile where the figure stood. "Pain!" he shouted "How could you do such a thing?" Pain stepped forward and only laughed. "I warned them to clear out but they didn't listen. So it wasn't my fault." He replayed. "Thats no excuse!" yelled Grega "I'm going to make you pay. That way i can get two flies with one shot. Get my revenge and add a most powerful weapon to my collection." Grega smiled. "I'll take your life and your ban-sabre!"
Grega leaped forward towards Pain grabbing his sword, on the left side of his body, with the right hand making a slash to the right cutting straight throo Pain. "What th..." At that very moment Grega was sent flying upwards. While in the air he made a back flip and landed safely on his feet. "What the hell was that?" He shouted as he looked round to find Pain. A laughter appeared from behind him. "So you want my position..." said Pain "...I'll make sure you don't survive long enough to regret that decision." Pain grabbed the sword on his back and puled it upwards and than positioned it in front of him. "For you little man, i wont even need 10 minutes. so my ban-sabre can stay right where it is." Pain let go of the sword with his left hand and pointed the hand towards Grega. "It was a nice trick leaving a hologram in your place.." said Grega "..when i slashed throo the clone you hit me from below.." he continued "but i ashure you that only works once." Pain only smiled as rays of light shot out of his fingers directly towards Grega. There were five rays in total. Two passed on the left and one on the right. The other two hit Grega directly into the chest area."What the hell?" said Pain. "How come you are still standing?" Grega smiled "Simple really my armor is reflective. The attack you used cant pirce reflective surfaces"
"Shoot this may be tougher than i thought" thought Pain "and the stupid dark sky isn't helping me eater". At that moment Grega started to run towards Pain. Just before reaching pain he jumped upwards and positioned his sword above his head. With a slash throo the air he send a wave of light down towards Pain and screamed "TAKE THAT!" But the light wave just stopped in front of Pain and was sent back. "Fool who thinks he can beat me with such petty tricks" said Pain as he watched the wave go straight back to where it came from. Grega quickly put the sword in front of his body in a blocking position. He smiled and said "solar shield." At that very moment the sword started to glow and emit light in a half spherical form in front of his body. "****!" he screamed as he noticed the shield barrier fall apart. He quickly rolled to the right side and managed to evade the attack that Pain easily reflected back to its owner. Grega fell to the flor back first. "OFFFF" was heard as the air was pressed out of his body by the force of the impact. Pain came closer and stepped on Gregas chest. "Had enough small fry?" he continued "you babbled something about revenge earlier didn't you? What was that all about?" "As if you didn't know by now." said Grega with a serious looking face. He grabbed Pains leg with his right hand and rolled to the left. Pain had to give in or else he would sprain his ankle or maybe even break his leg. Grega quickly let go of the foot and braced his hands to the flor, quickly extending them and propelling himself to his feet. When he looked at the play where Pain fell he didn't see a thing. Instead 5 figures appeared round him. They all looked like Pain. "Playing games?" Grega asked. Ge grabbed his sword with both hands. "Ticks like this are useless." he said as the sword literally sucked the figures into itself. As the figures were drained by the sword it began to flicker a little but stopped as soon as the figures were gone.
Though he still didn't see Pain he heard a voice coming from behind "I see ill have to fight you the old fashioned way." It was Pain running towards Grega holding his sword in a position ready to slash. Pain made a swing with the sword and knocked Gregas sword out of his hands, but he missed Grega himself who quickly ducked. Ad that moment Grega extended his foot upwards hitting the hilt of pains sword. Grega hit the very spot where Pains fingers were holding the hilt. The moment of pain forced pain to let go and the sword flew away. "Ouch." He said all calm as if nothing would happen. Grega quickly got on his feet and grabbed Pains left arm with his left hand. He quickly rotated himself on the spot to the right extending the right elbow. Smashing it to the left side of Pains face. The blow was hard enough to make Pain fell to the right side. At that moment Grega spined on the spot to the left and hit Pain to the stomach area with a knee. "OFFFFFF" screamed Pain as the hit sent the air in his body out of his mouth. That hit also propelled Pain upwards. Grega quickly jumped and made a forward flip extending both his legs at half way. And finishing the flip by smashing both his heels into Pains back. Pain screamed in pain as he flew down smashing on the pile of bones below him. A crack was heard, just before Grega landed, followed by a scream. "That obviously broke a bone or two..." said Grega "...the question is only whos bones they were?"
Pain stood up a bone from the pile that broke turned into a spike that was stuck in Pains chest. Pain grabbed the bone and screamed loudly as he pulled it out. "Why you little.." he said but it was already to late for words. Grega was all ready all most on top of him. There was a moment of silence followed by a strong flash of light, that sent Grega flying into a rock formation smashing it in the process. Pain noticed his sword laying nearby. As he slowly walked towards it. By the way he walked you could see that he was hurt. As he reached the sword he started to koncentrate. He started to levitate and light shined round him. After a moment his wound was completely healed. He put the sword on his back and started to walk towards the place where Grega flew earlier. When he got there he saw that Grega was laying there knocked out. "My my" he said "Is that all that takes to knock you out of kompetition?" Than pain pulled out his ban-sabre and ignited it. The black color of the blade was bursting with energy. Pain pulled his hands behind his head ready so ram the ban-sabre throo Gregas chest. "Id ask you for a last wish......but in your state that would be a waste of time." He smiled as he started to move his hands toward Gregas death....
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OH SNAP YOU GUYS POSTED
Anyways, on with ze' judging!
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Length: both of the stories were certainly long. The only comment I have towards Grega is that whenever there is dialouge, double space. So instead of having "Pain said, 'blah blah blah.' Then Grega said, 'blah blah blah'
It would look more of :
"Pain said, 'blah blah blah.'
Then Grega said, 'blah blah blah'
It makes the story easier to read and keep track
--------
Grammar errors: I couldnt find any gramatical errors in Pain's story. Grega seems to of been confused on some terms.
throo = through
kompetition = competition
koncentrate = concentrate
Anytime you use 'I' by itself, it's always capitalized.
Also, you want to make sure you capitalize the I's in your story.
--------------
As far as punctuation marks, Pain had a few missing commas/apostrophe's. Grega could also use some comma's/apostrophe's as well. There isn't much to say except don't make a sentence too long and have no commas.
Also, Grega, I don't know if you know this, but whenever you bring two words together (I would --> I'd), you add an apostrophe
--------------
The story itself: Both stories were really entertaining. I liked them both, fun to read. Though, Pain's gave more of a reason to be there, as Grega didn't. Seemed like Grega was wandering the wasteland and spotted Pain, as Pain was searching for something.
So, enough blabbering, the winner of this round is...
Pain.
Last advice:
Pain - go over your story and make sure you aren't missing any punctuation marks.
Grega - work on spacing, grammatical errors, and punctuation and you'll take the gold
Anyways, on with ze' judging!
------------
Length: both of the stories were certainly long. The only comment I have towards Grega is that whenever there is dialouge, double space. So instead of having "Pain said, 'blah blah blah.' Then Grega said, 'blah blah blah'
It would look more of :
"Pain said, 'blah blah blah.'
Then Grega said, 'blah blah blah'
It makes the story easier to read and keep track
--------
Grammar errors: I couldnt find any gramatical errors in Pain's story. Grega seems to of been confused on some terms.
throo = through
kompetition = competition
koncentrate = concentrate
Anytime you use 'I' by itself, it's always capitalized.
Also, you want to make sure you capitalize the I's in your story.
--------------
As far as punctuation marks, Pain had a few missing commas/apostrophe's. Grega could also use some comma's/apostrophe's as well. There isn't much to say except don't make a sentence too long and have no commas.
Also, Grega, I don't know if you know this, but whenever you bring two words together (I would --> I'd), you add an apostrophe
--------------
The story itself: Both stories were really entertaining. I liked them both, fun to read. Though, Pain's gave more of a reason to be there, as Grega didn't. Seemed like Grega was wandering the wasteland and spotted Pain, as Pain was searching for something.
So, enough blabbering, the winner of this round is...
Pain.
Last advice:
Pain - go over your story and make sure you aren't missing any punctuation marks.
Grega - work on spacing, grammatical errors, and punctuation and you'll take the gold
As the dust swept past Pain's cloak he stared into his shocked opponents eyes. "So this is what you were after, is it?" He drew he Bansabre from his hip and rolled the hilt between his fingers. He effortlessly flicked the switch with his thumb, causing the blade to erupt three feet outward with a dull reverberation of power. The black aura of the weapon of banishment casting its inverse light onto his face. As he swung downward toward the ground a small vortex appeared, almost as if it were dancing with the blade. He handled it as if it were a child's plaything, but both men knew this to be most assuredly false. Each movement a slap in the face, taunting Grega to come and take it.
Grega sneered, his eyes fixed on Pain's stomach, looking for a hole he knew should still be there. He shifted his stare down at his bloodied hands, thinking back to what had taken place just moments before. He knew he felt the pike slide through Pain's body, and yet there he stood unharmed. He inspected the wound again and again in disbelief of what he was looking at. "How?! Tell me how!"
"Only a fool would think I could be dispatched so easily." The sabre-wielding admin spoke as he slowly approached his baffled foe, passing the bones of the long since fallen warriors on either side. All the while his eyes fixated on Grega's, never wavering.
The expression of confusion soon twisted into one of rage as Grega drew his own sword. "I'll run you through as many times as it takes. You don't deserve that title," His gaze settled upon the humming Bansabre, "Or that weapon."
"Take your trophy, if you can."
Grega gritted his teeth and strengthened the grip on his sword, almost as if he were trying to strangle it. He was shaking with rage and was getting more furious by the second, still in disbelief at what was standing in front of him.
You're not good enough.
He thought he heard something but wasn't quite sure. It sounded like his own voice, but he hadn't said anything. His focus turned back to Pain and in an explosion of power he shot forward.
Though it was faster than he had been any of the previous times, Pain easily avoided the attack with a simple sidestep. He laughed as his foe recklessly flew past him.
If you run he might let you live.
Grega heard it again, this time much clearer. It was his voice, but he was sure he hadn't spoken a word. He looked up again only to find Pain right on top of him, still staring directly into his eyes. Reflexively he took a leap back only to be met with the admin again, this time behind him.
"Illusions again?" He blurted out as he raised his sword above his head once again, ready to absorb any light sources in the area. Much to his dismay, the figure now standing in front of him struck fast and hard. Grega toppled over clutching his stomach, the wind knocked out of him and his sword thrown several feet away.
You will die this day. He's going to kill you.
"SHUTUP!" shouted Grega, now clutching his ears. "Get out of my head!" He looked up and saw Pain's icy gaze still attached to him. In a bout of even more rage he leapt up off the ground and found a familiar pair of legs. Pulling with all his might he swung Pain over himself and slammed him face first into the ground.
Suddenly he felt an air of relief as the anger melted away. He could only wonder why before his victim rose once more and renewed his gaze. It was then he realized what had been going on. When he broke Pain's eye contact the anger subsided. The trickster was amplifying the anger in his mind, hoping to lead him into making a mistake. Now that he knew the truth, it would no longer work.
Grega regained his composure, dusting himself off and taking a heavy breath. He stared defiantly back into Pain's eyes, silently letting him know he was back in control. Again, he lunged forward prepared to strike. Just as he predicted, Pain stepped to the side once more. Just before he went past his enemy he stopped short and plunged his hands into the ground below, sending both his feet upward into Pain's chin. As he flipped over Pain's falling body he sent both heels downward, connecting squarely into his target's chest and sending him crashing downward.
The ignited Bansabre rolled out of the admins hands, next to Grega's previously lost sword. Pain could only watch as his challenger ran over and took up both weapons. As he stood up he saw a look of victory in his opponents eyes.
"You haven't won yet." he said, keeping a close eye on his own weapon in his enemies hands.
"I don't know how you healed before, but I bet a slice from this little number will finish you off." He motioned towards his right hand, which held his newly acquired Bansabre.
"Come test your claim."
Grega rushed towards his unarmed foe, both swords ready for blood. As he was about to strike, a flash of blinding light appeared in front of Pain. He struck through it, still hoping to connect with the slippery admin. To his surprise he was met with resistance. As the light dimmed he could see Pain was still standing there, a sword of solid light in his hand. The Bansabre screeched in protest against the new manifestation as Grega stared with wide eyes at what Pain had just done. With his free hand, Pain grabbed hold of Grega's wrist. Another blinding light came forth from behind his hand as the wrist shattered.
"AAAARRRRGGCH!" Grega could only scream in agony, clutching his broken wrist as his fate drew nearer.
The Bansabre dropped harmlessly to the ground along with the other considerably less potent weapon. The light manifestation dissolved in Pain's hand as he picked up his old companion.
"You may make a excellent moderator one day... but you don't need to kill one to do so." Pain gently spoke to his agony ridden challenger. "I've decided to spare your life for now. It would be such a waste of an excellent candidate."
Grega could only stare, baffled at what he just heard.
"You will learn... with time." Said Pain.
With that, he smiled and left his fallen enemy in peace, returning to Forumscant. Grega stood up still in anguish and collected his weapon.
"Time, huh?" he laughed to himself, and made his way to a safe house to lick his wounds.
Grega sneered, his eyes fixed on Pain's stomach, looking for a hole he knew should still be there. He shifted his stare down at his bloodied hands, thinking back to what had taken place just moments before. He knew he felt the pike slide through Pain's body, and yet there he stood unharmed. He inspected the wound again and again in disbelief of what he was looking at. "How?! Tell me how!"
"Only a fool would think I could be dispatched so easily." The sabre-wielding admin spoke as he slowly approached his baffled foe, passing the bones of the long since fallen warriors on either side. All the while his eyes fixated on Grega's, never wavering.
The expression of confusion soon twisted into one of rage as Grega drew his own sword. "I'll run you through as many times as it takes. You don't deserve that title," His gaze settled upon the humming Bansabre, "Or that weapon."
"Take your trophy, if you can."
Grega gritted his teeth and strengthened the grip on his sword, almost as if he were trying to strangle it. He was shaking with rage and was getting more furious by the second, still in disbelief at what was standing in front of him.
You're not good enough.
He thought he heard something but wasn't quite sure. It sounded like his own voice, but he hadn't said anything. His focus turned back to Pain and in an explosion of power he shot forward.
Though it was faster than he had been any of the previous times, Pain easily avoided the attack with a simple sidestep. He laughed as his foe recklessly flew past him.
If you run he might let you live.
Grega heard it again, this time much clearer. It was his voice, but he was sure he hadn't spoken a word. He looked up again only to find Pain right on top of him, still staring directly into his eyes. Reflexively he took a leap back only to be met with the admin again, this time behind him.
"Illusions again?" He blurted out as he raised his sword above his head once again, ready to absorb any light sources in the area. Much to his dismay, the figure now standing in front of him struck fast and hard. Grega toppled over clutching his stomach, the wind knocked out of him and his sword thrown several feet away.
You will die this day. He's going to kill you.
"SHUTUP!" shouted Grega, now clutching his ears. "Get out of my head!" He looked up and saw Pain's icy gaze still attached to him. In a bout of even more rage he leapt up off the ground and found a familiar pair of legs. Pulling with all his might he swung Pain over himself and slammed him face first into the ground.
Suddenly he felt an air of relief as the anger melted away. He could only wonder why before his victim rose once more and renewed his gaze. It was then he realized what had been going on. When he broke Pain's eye contact the anger subsided. The trickster was amplifying the anger in his mind, hoping to lead him into making a mistake. Now that he knew the truth, it would no longer work.
Grega regained his composure, dusting himself off and taking a heavy breath. He stared defiantly back into Pain's eyes, silently letting him know he was back in control. Again, he lunged forward prepared to strike. Just as he predicted, Pain stepped to the side once more. Just before he went past his enemy he stopped short and plunged his hands into the ground below, sending both his feet upward into Pain's chin. As he flipped over Pain's falling body he sent both heels downward, connecting squarely into his target's chest and sending him crashing downward.
The ignited Bansabre rolled out of the admins hands, next to Grega's previously lost sword. Pain could only watch as his challenger ran over and took up both weapons. As he stood up he saw a look of victory in his opponents eyes.
"You haven't won yet." he said, keeping a close eye on his own weapon in his enemies hands.
"I don't know how you healed before, but I bet a slice from this little number will finish you off." He motioned towards his right hand, which held his newly acquired Bansabre.
"Come test your claim."
Grega rushed towards his unarmed foe, both swords ready for blood. As he was about to strike, a flash of blinding light appeared in front of Pain. He struck through it, still hoping to connect with the slippery admin. To his surprise he was met with resistance. As the light dimmed he could see Pain was still standing there, a sword of solid light in his hand. The Bansabre screeched in protest against the new manifestation as Grega stared with wide eyes at what Pain had just done. With his free hand, Pain grabbed hold of Grega's wrist. Another blinding light came forth from behind his hand as the wrist shattered.
"AAAARRRRGGCH!" Grega could only scream in agony, clutching his broken wrist as his fate drew nearer.
The Bansabre dropped harmlessly to the ground along with the other considerably less potent weapon. The light manifestation dissolved in Pain's hand as he picked up his old companion.
"You may make a excellent moderator one day... but you don't need to kill one to do so." Pain gently spoke to his agony ridden challenger. "I've decided to spare your life for now. It would be such a waste of an excellent candidate."
Grega could only stare, baffled at what he just heard.
"You will learn... with time." Said Pain.
With that, he smiled and left his fallen enemy in peace, returning to Forumscant. Grega stood up still in anguish and collected his weapon.
"Time, huh?" he laughed to himself, and made his way to a safe house to lick his wounds.
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Grega thought for a moment."Trying to deceive me with your illusions again?" he asked as he positioned his sword over his head ready to drain the energy needed to sustain the image. By the time he realized it was no illusion. It was already to late. Pains knee had already made contact with his face and he was sent flying backwards. Before he even flew out of reach Pain quickly hit him downwards using his big sword turned ninety degrees. Grega smashed into the floor making a small hole where he hit. In pain he got up holding his shoulder.
"Why did you spare me?" he asked as he looked Pain into the eyes.
"Unlike you, I don't kill needlessly" replayed Pain.
Grega was clearly a bit raged by that reply. He made an upward slash towards Pain. But it was easily avoided. He continued to slash through the air trying to hit Pain. But it was all in vain. Pain avoided every slash easily.
"Stand still damn it" Grega was furious by now. His slashes became less accurate and his actions were less strategic. Pain saw his chance. He used his sword to stop Gregas slash. In the mean time pulling his BanSabre out with his other hand and knocking Gregas weapon out of his arms. He than continued and made an upwards kick to Gregas chest. That kick propelled Grega up a bit and before he even landed Pains second foot made contact. Grega made a back flip and hit the floor sliding on his stomach. He stopped right next to his fallen weapon.
"You cant beat me like that. So why don't you just leave me to my business and go home?" said Pain as Grega got up. But there was no reply. From the look on Gregas face he was so raged that he didn't even feel the pain even though his body was clearly damaged and bleeding. He quickly picked up the sword and charged at Pain. The swords collided. Much to Pains surprise. Gregas strength went up a bit and he was also faster. But before Grega could have a second slice in, Pain ducked and send him to the ground with a kick to his knee.
"Snap out of it!" screamed Pain. But there was no reply. So before Grega got up. Pain kicked him into the air like a ball. While Grega was airborne. Pain extended his hand and sent another wave of his "fatal radiance" shots. The needle thin light rays hit Grega dead on. And he was propelled even further up into the air. Pain readied his sword as a baseball bat turned so he wouldn't slash through Gregas body. When Grega was falling down he got hit and sent flying in one direction while his weapon flew in another.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" he screamed as his rage was clearly broken by the pain of that hit. As he got up he felt his body akin all over.
"What the hell happened?" he said barely able to stand normally.
"You don't remember?" asked Pain. He paused for a moment "You wanted to kill me and take my job."
"Oh i still want that." smiled Grega "But the last thing i remember is you evading my slashes. After that it went blank."
Grega took a deep breath and relaxed his body. Right after words he propelled himself straight at Pain. Pain quickly put both his weapons in a blocking position so they made a cross right in front of his face.
"You still wont quit?" he said as he braced himself for the hit.
Grega was running straight at Pain. As he passed a pike he picked it up and threw it forward. Pain blocked the pike with both his weapons. So his chest area was totally unprotected. Grega punched Pain in the stomach hard. Pain released all the air that was in his lungs with a big "OFFFF"
But Grega continued. He punched with his other hand into Pains ribcage. He followed up with another ten punches. Each hitting Pains ribs. He finished off the attack with a spin kick to Pains side. A crack was heard followed by a loud scream as Pain flew away dropping both his weapons along the way. He ended up crashing into a pile of bones.
"ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" He screamed as he felt the impact of the landing.
He stood up as quickly as he could. But what he saw surprised him. Grega was holding the BanSabre ignited in his hands.
"Thanks a lot for this little toy" Grega smiled.
"And what will that help you?" Asked Pain. "You don't even understand how to use it." he continued.
"Its a blade of light. And I'm a specialist with swords." said Grega with a cheesy grin.
Pain just smiled. Grega noticed that Pain produced images of him round himself.
"Didn't i tell you? Such tricks are meaningless against me." continued Grega.
But Pain only charged forward with all the images mimicking his movement.
"Fool!" screamed Grega as he lifted up the weapon ready to absorb all illusions.
"Oh no" Grega got a terrified look on his face as he noticed he was holding the BanSabre and not his own weapon.
At that moment the images started to disappear one after another. But Pain didn't notice and continue his attack.
"There!" Grega shouted as he made a slash with the ban sabre towards his opponent who easily dodged it. He followed suit with additional slashes that all missed there targets.
"What the hell!" yelled Pain.
"How can you know who is me?" at that moment he realized his position. The sun had already set and without enough light round he couldn't produce any illusions or use any of his other attacks. But Grega was not doing good with his newly obtained weapon either. His slashes were inaccurate. It was like he never held a sword in his hands before. Pain saw his sword laying a few feet away as he was evading Gregas attacks. So he quickly made a jump and grabbed the sword. He followed suit by a slash towards Gregas hands. Grega quickly let the BanSabre go to save his hands from being cut off. But Pain turned round in a full circle hitting Grega into the chest area with his leg. The hit wasn't strong to do major damage but due to Gregas condition it hurt nonetheless.
"AHHH!" was heard while Grega fell back.
He got up as fast as he could only to see that Pain already collected the BanSabre and placed it back on his hip.
"Only the people chosen to have moderating powers over Forumscant can wield this weapon." replied Pain as he saw Grega running towards the place his sword lay.
As he picked up his dropped weapon Grega started to charge at Pain. Pain saw it would be meaningless to talk so he followed up and started charging towards his opponent as well.
The clouds broke up a bit exposing the full moon that lit up the environment a bit. There was a flash of energy released when the swords collided followed by a loud sound that indicated the force of the impact....
"Why did you spare me?" he asked as he looked Pain into the eyes.
"Unlike you, I don't kill needlessly" replayed Pain.
Grega was clearly a bit raged by that reply. He made an upward slash towards Pain. But it was easily avoided. He continued to slash through the air trying to hit Pain. But it was all in vain. Pain avoided every slash easily.
"Stand still damn it" Grega was furious by now. His slashes became less accurate and his actions were less strategic. Pain saw his chance. He used his sword to stop Gregas slash. In the mean time pulling his BanSabre out with his other hand and knocking Gregas weapon out of his arms. He than continued and made an upwards kick to Gregas chest. That kick propelled Grega up a bit and before he even landed Pains second foot made contact. Grega made a back flip and hit the floor sliding on his stomach. He stopped right next to his fallen weapon.
"You cant beat me like that. So why don't you just leave me to my business and go home?" said Pain as Grega got up. But there was no reply. From the look on Gregas face he was so raged that he didn't even feel the pain even though his body was clearly damaged and bleeding. He quickly picked up the sword and charged at Pain. The swords collided. Much to Pains surprise. Gregas strength went up a bit and he was also faster. But before Grega could have a second slice in, Pain ducked and send him to the ground with a kick to his knee.
"Snap out of it!" screamed Pain. But there was no reply. So before Grega got up. Pain kicked him into the air like a ball. While Grega was airborne. Pain extended his hand and sent another wave of his "fatal radiance" shots. The needle thin light rays hit Grega dead on. And he was propelled even further up into the air. Pain readied his sword as a baseball bat turned so he wouldn't slash through Gregas body. When Grega was falling down he got hit and sent flying in one direction while his weapon flew in another.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" he screamed as his rage was clearly broken by the pain of that hit. As he got up he felt his body akin all over.
"What the hell happened?" he said barely able to stand normally.
"You don't remember?" asked Pain. He paused for a moment "You wanted to kill me and take my job."
"Oh i still want that." smiled Grega "But the last thing i remember is you evading my slashes. After that it went blank."
Grega took a deep breath and relaxed his body. Right after words he propelled himself straight at Pain. Pain quickly put both his weapons in a blocking position so they made a cross right in front of his face.
"You still wont quit?" he said as he braced himself for the hit.
Grega was running straight at Pain. As he passed a pike he picked it up and threw it forward. Pain blocked the pike with both his weapons. So his chest area was totally unprotected. Grega punched Pain in the stomach hard. Pain released all the air that was in his lungs with a big "OFFFF"
But Grega continued. He punched with his other hand into Pains ribcage. He followed up with another ten punches. Each hitting Pains ribs. He finished off the attack with a spin kick to Pains side. A crack was heard followed by a loud scream as Pain flew away dropping both his weapons along the way. He ended up crashing into a pile of bones.
"ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" He screamed as he felt the impact of the landing.
He stood up as quickly as he could. But what he saw surprised him. Grega was holding the BanSabre ignited in his hands.
"Thanks a lot for this little toy" Grega smiled.
"And what will that help you?" Asked Pain. "You don't even understand how to use it." he continued.
"Its a blade of light. And I'm a specialist with swords." said Grega with a cheesy grin.
Pain just smiled. Grega noticed that Pain produced images of him round himself.
"Didn't i tell you? Such tricks are meaningless against me." continued Grega.
But Pain only charged forward with all the images mimicking his movement.
"Fool!" screamed Grega as he lifted up the weapon ready to absorb all illusions.
"Oh no" Grega got a terrified look on his face as he noticed he was holding the BanSabre and not his own weapon.
At that moment the images started to disappear one after another. But Pain didn't notice and continue his attack.
"There!" Grega shouted as he made a slash with the ban sabre towards his opponent who easily dodged it. He followed suit with additional slashes that all missed there targets.
"What the hell!" yelled Pain.
"How can you know who is me?" at that moment he realized his position. The sun had already set and without enough light round he couldn't produce any illusions or use any of his other attacks. But Grega was not doing good with his newly obtained weapon either. His slashes were inaccurate. It was like he never held a sword in his hands before. Pain saw his sword laying a few feet away as he was evading Gregas attacks. So he quickly made a jump and grabbed the sword. He followed suit by a slash towards Gregas hands. Grega quickly let the BanSabre go to save his hands from being cut off. But Pain turned round in a full circle hitting Grega into the chest area with his leg. The hit wasn't strong to do major damage but due to Gregas condition it hurt nonetheless.
"AHHH!" was heard while Grega fell back.
He got up as fast as he could only to see that Pain already collected the BanSabre and placed it back on his hip.
"Only the people chosen to have moderating powers over Forumscant can wield this weapon." replied Pain as he saw Grega running towards the place his sword lay.
As he picked up his dropped weapon Grega started to charge at Pain. Pain saw it would be meaningless to talk so he followed up and started charging towards his opponent as well.
The clouds broke up a bit exposing the full moon that lit up the environment a bit. There was a flash of energy released when the swords collided followed by a loud sound that indicated the force of the impact....
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Alrighty.
Time to judge this yo. I'll do this one differently.
Pain:
Grammar: No flaw. Not from my eyes, anyways.
5/5
Punctuations: Once again, no flaws.
5/5
Actual Story itself: The story kept me entertained well, and a good finish.
4.5/5
Overall: Great story, no flaws in anything. I have no comments towards you. Only advice I can give is for the future. Don't repeat yourself or actions in previous stories. (you didn't, but just incase)
Score: 14.5/15
--------------------------------
Grega:
Grammar: Some mis-use of words. I saw you use 'to' instead of 'too'. Also, some parts could mix into one sentence.
Just remember this, you never start a sentence with because or but
Also, I'm not sure if you know this or not, and I forgot if I explained this earlier, but whenever using the word "I", it is always capitalized. For instance, if you say. "That was when I realized that the battle was over", you would capatilize it.
3/5
Punctuation: Couldn't find any punctuation errors.
5/5
The story itself: The story was great. I enjoyed reading it. Subsiding the flaws of grammar, kept me entertained well.
4/5
Overall: You need to work on your grammar just a bit. Give it some fine tuning and you'll be good to go. Also note, you've GREATLY improved from your other story. This one was much better :yes:
Score: 12/15
--------------------
Final scores:
Pain: 14.5/15
Grega: 12/15
The winner is....
PAIN
Time to judge this yo. I'll do this one differently.
Pain:
Grammar: No flaw. Not from my eyes, anyways.
5/5
Punctuations: Once again, no flaws.
5/5
Actual Story itself: The story kept me entertained well, and a good finish.
4.5/5
Overall: Great story, no flaws in anything. I have no comments towards you. Only advice I can give is for the future. Don't repeat yourself or actions in previous stories. (you didn't, but just incase
)Score: 14.5/15
--------------------------------
Grega:
Grammar: Some mis-use of words. I saw you use 'to' instead of 'too'. Also, some parts could mix into one sentence.
That could of been combined into, "He made an upward slash towards Pain, but it was easily avoided."Your story said:
Just remember this, you never start a sentence with because or but
Also, I'm not sure if you know this or not, and I forgot if I explained this earlier, but whenever using the word "I", it is always capitalized. For instance, if you say. "That was when I realized that the battle was over", you would capatilize it.
3/5
Punctuation: Couldn't find any punctuation errors.
5/5
The story itself: The story was great. I enjoyed reading it. Subsiding the flaws of grammar, kept me entertained well.
4/5
Overall: You need to work on your grammar just a bit. Give it some fine tuning and you'll be good to go. Also note, you've GREATLY improved from your other story. This one was much better :yes:
Score: 12/15
--------------------
Final scores:
Pain: 14.5/15
Grega: 12/15
The winner is....
PAIN
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Aww i lost XD
Congrats Pain.
/me wathces how Pride takes Pain apart and laughs like an evil mad scientist
(arnt i evil)
/me remembers the match against Kelesk
Oh **** anotherone for loosing me >.<
Oh yea and @Kain
I have no idea what the difrence betwean to and too is. Can someone explain?
EDIT:
Man even the second to post, T_T
Congrats Pain.
/me wathces how Pride takes Pain apart and laughs like an evil mad scientist
(arnt i evil)
/me remembers the match against Kelesk
Oh **** anotherone for loosing me >.<
Oh yea and @Kain
I have no idea what the difrence betwean to and too is. Can someone explain?
EDIT:
Man even the second to post, T_T
Too = alsoGrega said:
Two = 2
To = doing something
I'm going to go do something.
Can I come too?
The two of us will have fun.
And on that note, the other common confusing words that sound alike.
There = a place
Their = ownership
They're = they are
Let's go over there.
Let's go give them their money.
They're doing something weird.
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Ai THX Pain.Pain said:
That explains a lot ^^
Oh well cant help it. Im not english ^^