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I've just had a ritualistically humiliating two hours, and the sun's just arisen, a bright new day awaits.
Today, like any other day, I was planning on going outside and frolicking in the good weather while it lasts; this usually involves running on grass, playing sports with friends and skipping through meadows with ribbons in my hair. But today is special, I have a date, with a female.
I was advised by a female friend to redye my hair (hell hath no fury like a woman noticing roots) in preparation. I mixed the dye up and applied, completely forgetting to put on gloves. I also managed to get the stuff (black) all over my face, sink, mirror, walls and body.
I waited 20 minutes and then showered off the excess, but it wouldn't come off my skin, even with soap, unless it was wiped in sizeable handprints on the walls. I forgot to take a towel into the bathroom too (they were all in the laundry) so panicking that the dye would solidify to my face I ran ass-naked to the kitchen to get some under-the-sink cleaning supplies, waltzing right past an open window while my neighbours left for work (penis flail).
Nothing under the sink, including oven-cleaner, would budge the smudge. As a last resort, I grabbed some steel wool to try and scratch it off ('it' being 'made of face') which made the skin raw, but at least removed part of the colour by sanding off the outer layer of skin. It still didn't get it all off, and couldn't bring myself to keep scrubbing, it hurt. I walk back to the bathroom to find i've left the sink and the shower running, so the room was now flooded.
I look like a burn victim in semi-blackface. My neighbours have seen and rated my penis. My hands look like i've been digging for coal. The bathroom is flooded and fingerpainted black.
This would be mildly amusing, were it not for a little previously-omitted detail, which is that a bevy of girls in their mid-20's are going to be looking round the place at 2pm as potential tenants. Aside from the water level in the bathroom, nothing's been cleaned or tidied. I'm meeting my ladyfriend at 8pm for what i'm sure will be a romantic evening. So yeah, I started drinking at 9am (it's now 9:45). Denial is the new reality!
I'm never usually this retarded, I think my Friday 13th came a little late. Today, I am 'that guy'.
Today, like any other day, I was planning on going outside and frolicking in the good weather while it lasts; this usually involves running on grass, playing sports with friends and skipping through meadows with ribbons in my hair. But today is special, I have a date, with a female.
I was advised by a female friend to redye my hair (hell hath no fury like a woman noticing roots) in preparation. I mixed the dye up and applied, completely forgetting to put on gloves. I also managed to get the stuff (black) all over my face, sink, mirror, walls and body.
I waited 20 minutes and then showered off the excess, but it wouldn't come off my skin, even with soap, unless it was wiped in sizeable handprints on the walls. I forgot to take a towel into the bathroom too (they were all in the laundry) so panicking that the dye would solidify to my face I ran ass-naked to the kitchen to get some under-the-sink cleaning supplies, waltzing right past an open window while my neighbours left for work (penis flail).
Nothing under the sink, including oven-cleaner, would budge the smudge. As a last resort, I grabbed some steel wool to try and scratch it off ('it' being 'made of face') which made the skin raw, but at least removed part of the colour by sanding off the outer layer of skin. It still didn't get it all off, and couldn't bring myself to keep scrubbing, it hurt. I walk back to the bathroom to find i've left the sink and the shower running, so the room was now flooded.
I look like a burn victim in semi-blackface. My neighbours have seen and rated my penis. My hands look like i've been digging for coal. The bathroom is flooded and fingerpainted black.
This would be mildly amusing, were it not for a little previously-omitted detail, which is that a bevy of girls in their mid-20's are going to be looking round the place at 2pm as potential tenants. Aside from the water level in the bathroom, nothing's been cleaned or tidied. I'm meeting my ladyfriend at 8pm for what i'm sure will be a romantic evening. So yeah, I started drinking at 9am (it's now 9:45). Denial is the new reality!
I'm never usually this retarded, I think my Friday 13th came a little late. Today, I am 'that guy'.
