First song I wrote.

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So, yeah. This came to me one night at 3 AM while I was listening to Metallica. A song about the apocalypse:

I Wish to Die


As I stare upon our forsaken world,
and I see only death and decay,
the stench of death is everywhere,
Have we to the Devil this Earth of ours sold?

My ears slam shut, and then they open again,
I hear a distant sound of a page turning,
Is it possible that I am going insane,
Or does it look like the moon is burning?

The world is dying, dying and gasping for air,
its lungs already burned by the fire, people in despair.
Losing all hope, I let out a weakly sigh.
As if I'm saying to the world: I wish to die!!

The blood-red sky is surrounding us, suffocating us,
the cold winds of death and decay engulfing us,
spreading the foul smell of the dead,
making me cough up blood, painted dark-red.

I woke up panting, sweaty, from my dream,
from a dream, I wake up into a nightmare,
sometimes I wonder, what does it all mean,
is it merely the end of an age, the apocalypse I've seen?

The streets are flooded, flooded with blood, sweat and tears,
buildings burning, falling into the flooded streets,
the sound of the blood and sweat splashing is killing my ears,
I cannot leave here, I cannot wake up,
from this nightmare!!

The world is engulfed in darkness, devoid of light from the sun,
the blood-red clouds block everything.
When rain falls, it is as if those clouds are bleeding,
when thunder strikes, it's as if they're laughing at us.
Only one thought comes to mind - run,
run, and escape from the chaos.

But I cannot, because it is already over.
The world is dead, and I'm all sober.
Yes, the world is dead, it had died this day,
The world is dead, and with it, so am I.
Goodbye.

What do you think?

BTW does this need to be in Fan Fics? I'm not really sure.
 
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lol I wouldn't post that one without your permission my empathizing little buddy xD
 
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Yeah well, I used to listen to Linkin Park a lot. Maybe that's where I got the inspiration from.
 
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That's a horrible song. It doesn't even rhyme. It's completely random. No offense dude but maybe songwriting isn't your thing? Plus, as Lion pointed out, it's emo as hell. It makes me shudder. I hate emos.
 
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I don't mean to be rude, but I thought it was terrible.

It was too jam-packed full of generic Emo imagery for my taste.
 
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It's rather depressing. And extremely emoish. I mean if you chose an entirely different subject, or just more subtle with the "everything sucks and we are all going to die" theme, then maybe it would be easier to judge your talent as a song writer.
 
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It was very emo and depressing.. but i admit it was very clever Dan. I thought it was more of a poem than a song though. Whats the chorus?

And i dunno what Spunky was talking about, but i thought it rhymed.
 
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was this song originally written in serbian or did you just decide to write it in english? since you are serbian, i thought it'd make mroe sense for it to be in serbian...sorry you only see death btw
 
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Try not to rhyme so much. It's not that important.

and yea don't be so goddamn emo.
 
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Verse Chorus Verse..


You wrote a poem, not a song. It's filled with tons of stereotypical emo-crap. It's like you took every single aspect of being a fa.. ehm an emo, and put them all in a box, then you gave the box a good shake et voila, this poem was born.

Come to think of it, this poem looks like spider-man 3.. it's emo and it's random crap thrown together.
 
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Guys, it's a poem/song about the end of the world. The apocalypse. It's supposed to be emo ffs -_-. And no it wasn't in serbian, my language sucks for poems in my opinion. I'm not so emo in real life tho.

EDIT: Sorry I made you guys so depressed xD
 
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It wasnt so depressing... Something's need to be emotional. This fits in I suppose. But yeah its more of a poem than a song, because well, songs come with music ;)
If you meant it to be a song its nice. If it was supposed to be a poem, well then I'll have to tell you that it doesn't seem to be a poem.
Poems and songs are a league apart.
Its good as a song though.
 
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There's one line missing that would make it a 110% emo song:
"The birds are dying"
 
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Dude, that's way too emo for my head. But, it really suits something like "The Day of Apocalypse"...Yeah, that's what it should be called :p
Good work, anyways. I wouldn't even be able to create a better song/poem than u :)
 
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Guys, it's a poem/song about the end of the world. The apocalypse. It's supposed to be emo ffs -_-. And no it wasn't in serbian, my language sucks for poems in my opinion. I'm not so emo in real life tho.

EDIT: Sorry I made you guys so depressed xD
It doesn't HAVE to be completely emo o_O. Ever watch Deep Impact? The end of the world is comming, but it's not "blood running through my ears" and stuff, it's about families struggling to be with each other, people making valant sacrifices, and so forth.
 

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