Exteria

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Chapter 1 - Time begins
Once upon a time, in the world of advance technology, 3852, man has built it's time machine on a planet so called Exteria.

Exteria was a planet built by Spartan soldiers who had disability disorders, and were called upon "Missing in Action".

The "Missing in Action’s are taken to Exteria, where Medical Sapiens perform surgeries or expose to them to a chemical called the Ecto-Plague. The Ecto-Plauge exposes the Spartans to a state that makes them immured to anything that stands its ways, but they are slaves of the Empire.

They are nothing but dead lonely soldiers that is made to kill.

3887.

The known, Master Chief is the only known Spartan alive, is heading to Exteria to Time Travel 1500 year's back of the current date. With some help, Cortona will guide him into the Time Machine.

They land into a purple building, with rust on the edges and corners. Master Chief enters the building without caution, seeing "Mission in Actions" on the floor, dead, thinking someone passed through here.

He enters the Hallway, taking a right to the room. As he enters the room, he sees the Time Machine on and fully functional. He walks near the panel on the right of the wall; he sets it to 2056 and bravely enters inside the light of the past.


[This is my first time of posting a fanfic so please I just thought it up. D: ]
 
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You just wasted 5 seconds reading this.

quoted for truth


Maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but I see a lot of spelling errors. Makes it kinda hard to take it seriously.

If you are planning a next chapter, make use of the spelling check in in whatever program you use. Or send it to someone who's wel versed with the english language.

The idea of the whole thing isn't that bad though.
 
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This story looks like it was written by Babelfish man. It doesn't seem like English is your first language/a fluent one of yours... so you probably shouldn't write in it.
 
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It was good stuff, but you need to spell check it. The best way to do this is to find some smart British/American dude on your MSN and challenge him that he couldn't possibly correct your writing =P I say write more, but with better spelling and grammar =D
 
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Alright, I checked it myself, fixed a few, and used Microsoft Word to find anything else that I missed.
 
Lost in space
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IMO, you need more description. Could describe the planet's surface from space, the atmosphere inside. Not everybody has played Halo, so you could decribe what the Spartans and MC look like. And, the Time Machine. I'm thinking a cardboard box with buttons here.

But, it'll be fun to read i hope. Keep it up.
 
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Dj^Swift said:
Alright, I checked it myself, fixed a few, and used Microsoft Word to find anything else that I missed.
lol, I'm sorry but the grammar is still pretty bad dude. Spellcheck doesn't help that much.
 
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Pester some bright English or American guy, as I told you and all will be well. Except they are right, do more detail =P Personally, I think the story is far more important than detail, but detail comes second. Then comes food.

A tip for the future - write the story first, then go over the details over and over till you think it's great. Maybe you should have someone read it before you post?
 
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Hitokiri said:
lol, I'm sorry but the grammar is still pretty bad dude. Spellcheck doesn't help that much.
Yes but spellcheck also checks for grammar. =/
 

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