Doors

New Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2003
Messages
315
Best answers
0
This isnt a Fan Fic nor a fight club thing so i dont know where to put it.
This is something i wrote, and thought id share....so here.
What are your comments on it, does it give you a point im trying to make?

By: David Perault

Picture this:

Your in the middle of a room.
A dark room.
You see a feint light on one side
And on the opposite side, a bright light

You notice that both lights are doors.
One cracked.
And one open fully.

The open door is sin.
It’s tempting you
wanting you to choose that door.

And the cracked door is like God.
Showing you that he is there.
But you have to open the door.

If you choose the cracked door.
Then and only then are you rich.

If you choose the Fully open door.
Then you have choosen wrong.
 
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Nov 14, 2003
Messages
1,659
Best answers
0
:O teh religious underlines!!!! :O
 
New Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2003
Messages
315
Best answers
0
Hwoarang said:
teh randomness...
What the?
whats that mean? lol.
Ya i was bored, and i know its religous, but im not Discussing it im showing it in my story.
 
New Member
Joined
Oct 14, 2004
Messages
51
Best answers
0
It does have meaning you just dont see it, and Tank it is very good if you plan to be putting it into a story then I would like to read that story.
 
New Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2002
Messages
518
Best answers
0
hmm all religious.. god is good? i have no real intrest in religion at all.. in my opinion religion is poison, for the weakminded

-SaN
 
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Jun 8, 2004
Messages
5,216
Best answers
0
I think if you're going for religious undertones and symbolism, don't straight-off say what the doors represent, have the reader/audience interpret them themselves.

Saying that if you pick God's door then you'll be rich sounds like something a Jehova's Witness would say. People might get the wrong idea about you if you post things like that :p
 
New Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2003
Messages
315
Best answers
0
Yes, I was thinkning about that too. I was going to rewrite it if i got enough response on how it was. I didnt like how i ended it and when i was writing it, i was rushing through not thinking to alot of what i was saying, just trying to get some feint point across. I will rewrite it longer, and more detailed, making the point stronger, and more meaningful.
 

Lid

L
Guest
Taurus 2112 said:
It does have meaning you just dont see it, and Tank it is very good if you plan to be putting it into a story then I would like to read that story.
Oh I see the meaing. It's just that its been done before and people who don't "embrace God" are not drawn away from God like a moth to a flame of sin. they just choose against it. It's not liek God's the "hard path" or vice versa. It's a religious "CHOOSE GOD AND YOU ARE STRONG" which isn't even true.

And before you get in my face for being a "closed minded atheist" I'm a Roman Catholic who goes to church every week, unlike many other catholics I know who don't even go at all.
 
The Sinister Minister
Retired Forum Staff
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Nov 25, 2001
Messages
3,637
Best answers
0
Though I do hate quoting regulations, I do feel it necessary to remind you that we do not like religious discussions to take place here. They only breed argument, incorrect and/or damaging generalizations, slander, and so forth. Please discontinue this topic. Comment on the literary piece as best you can without debating the religious message therein.
 
New Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2003
Messages
315
Best answers
0
See, This is my way of interperting my story.
I wrote it for me. I could care less in what anyone thinks. Just the fact that i know i wrote it is fine with me. If you go to church or not. If im wrong or right. I wrote it the way it is and you can take it how you want.
 
New Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2002
Messages
296
Best answers
0
I like it alot. I myself am a very faithful person, but im not sure which religion i want to follow. Every religion in existence points to evil and good. I know i dont want to go anywhere near evil.

Hat's off to you ES_Tank.. Im not sure if you know me, but i have written a couple threads here in this general genre. Nice to see somebody else round here interested in morals :cool:
 
New Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2003
Messages
315
Best answers
0
Im glad im not the only one. I may not be the best writer, but im doing better than those not doing anything.

Here is something i have to post in here becuase someone thinks creating a diffrerent thread each time for a DIFFERENT topic is useless. So here
After the effects of tonight, i came home and wrote this, not knowing anywhere else to pure my thoughts into. Although this may suck, im not worried, as long as i got it out. If you get my point, Do you ever feel this way?

Trust
By David Perault


Everyone turns there back on you
You look and wonder why.

“what did I do?” you ask
No response.

You didn’t do anything wrong.
You did what you said you’d do.

But out of pure idiocy, blinded by truth
Disbelief sets in.

In telling the truth, no one has faith,
You kept your word.

Without proof there is nothing.
Without trust there is nothing.

Where has it gone?
 

Eon

TeeHee
Banned
Joined
Dec 20, 2002
Messages
5,341
Best answers
0
Actually, if you are trying to be biblically symbolic, the sin door would be the one making you rich, but making it feel right. The God door would be the long strenuous but rewarding corridor.

How is sin tempting if it does not offer good material things? Faith is the long path that pays off, no?

In other words, I think your poetry is mismatched. But if that's what you're going for, then I still don't like it too much anyway. :\

(this was a FRIGGIN CRIT so I don't want any religious BS rammed up my ass for this post.)
 
New Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2003
Messages
315
Best answers
0
Magus said:
(this was a FRIGGIN CRIT so I don't want any religious BS rammed up my ass for this post.)
HAHAHAHAH..Now that i think of it, you are right. When i was thinking of this and writing it, i was only thinking of minor things. SO when and if i rewrite this, i prob will put that in there. But the way i put it is, I wasn't trying to go into big detail on which offered. So i put that :)>

Here is something i just wrote, im guess im in the mood to write. Its called Where will you be?


Where will you be?

By: David Perault

Where will you be that awful day?

Some in a endless battle, bound to war.
Some in a home with their loved ones.

Some will be fighting fires, and saving the world.
Some will be eating chips and drinking sodas.

Some will be in Church, praying to god.
Some will be worriless, and continue on.

Some will try to get right.
Some will try to start fights.

Some in a endless hell.
Some in a endless happiness.

But……..

Where will you be that awful day?
 
Cunning as Zeus
Banned
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Nov 23, 2003
Messages
6,079
Best answers
0
What the hell is this bs? If you're trying to be profound, you have failed miserably.
 
New Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2003
Messages
315
Best answers
0
No, I am not trying to be profound. I wanted to i would spend some time on these. But im not. At the moment, I am writing what is on my mind, and questions I would like awnsers. They can be taken both ways. If you think about some, they can get deep, although the words may not be there to take you to that depth.
 
Cunning as Zeus
Banned
✔️ HL Verified
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Nov 23, 2003
Messages
6,079
Best answers
0
These aren't the type of questions you need answers to -_-. I read them, i thought about them, and i have once again come to the conclusion that you're trying to be profound. Im sorry, but these poems are as deep as a kiddy pool.
 
New Member
💻 Oldtimer
Joined
Jun 30, 2003
Messages
2,327
Best answers
0
Zeonix he doesn't need you to flame him. He hasn't ask for flame, has he? And this is not a place to flame him, so leave it to a p.m. *omgawd i sound so mahdish*

Anywayz, some of the poems made me think such as the first one. I cannot explain why at the time, but it triggered something in my mind.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top