The plains of ESF Chat scrolled out in every direction from the foothills of 0ff Topic. The breeze was sweet, and the sun hung low in the morning sky. Birds chirped, and the european people of the board were just sneaking off to bed as the first rays of daylight creeped over the awesome shadows of Devteam Mountain and it's sibling mountain, Mount Noobus.
Atop Mount Noobus stood the great fortress of the moderators, a place not reachable by the average mortal forumscant citizen. It was here that Cheesman and Cucumba defeated 1000 spammers to meet with VT and learn how to build their bansabers. It was here that the first ban daggers were forged in the firey heat of the mountains core. It was here where the Modiwans met and conferred with the Admin Knights, and learned of the wisdom of yore, passed down from Darth Elmo, to Darth VT, to Darth Cheesius and Darth Zucchinius.
This was the place where the legends and traditions of the moderators were kept, and where it was passed on.
Cucumba stood at the balcony from which the announcements, and the AUP itself, were given to the people. He looked down over every forum from this place, and it reminded him that he was merely a cog in this community, this machine. He was the oldest of the admins. At one time he was known as Darth Zucchinius, and he was one of the first to come from the common folk to set foot on Mount Noobus. He felt it his duty to help those who tried to follow in his footsteps. So long as he was an Admin Knight, the traditions would be upheld. Today, that tradition would continue. He had made time to train one of the Modiwans personally.
Groovy walked up the long stairs, arriving in the great hall itself. It was, as always, breathtaking and oppresive at once. The torch sconces all held dancing flames of dim yellow, lighting the walls and pillars. The groovy one looked left and right, noticing the record of deeds, carved in pictograms along the ancient stone walls. He read the historical record as he passed, his anger brewing deeper. Today his agenda was hidden, today he would hide something from his master untill the time was right, but there would be no hiding once it was done. Groovy new that he must say his piece, and that that piece be heard, not simply listened too. He steeled himself, and looked forward, thought his stomache tied up in knots.
But what he saw at the end of the hall took the cake, Mastasurf had ordered the statues of VT and Greg after all. What's more, Cucumba had, as promised, made a monument by the statues; a giant stone scroll which contained the tenets of moderation. Groovy looked at the scroll, and could not help but admire the craftsmanship of the model. Deeper inside, Groovy's anger grew, seeing that nothing of the newer AUP was posted, that all of what was written was the word of a long retired Admin Knight.
He looked along the walls again, and the collumns near the balcony of announcement were carved into the likeness of admins past. Greg, VT, Cheese, Chimpbot . . . all of these admins were no longer active, but they recieved praise in the form of immortalization in stone. Groovy calmed himself and buttoned his feelings down deep, for he new now that he must complete that which he started.
Groovy's reverie was broken by the entrance of the green devil, a horror told to the children of spammers everywhere, a legendary keeper of order in the fight against lawlessness. Groovy turned, and he felt his stomache drop. Planning for this sort of thing was simple, execution was considerably more difficult. He had to suppress the feelings, or Cucumba would discover his motive.
"Ah, you are here. I am glad, it is rare that I am able to teach the ways of our warriors to a modiwan," spoke the anceint horror.
"Master," said Groovy as he bowed. "I am prepared to learn from you, thank you for this opportunity."
"Then let us waste no time, you and I have much to discuss later though."
Groovy forced his mouth shut; he could not afford to drop his gaurd and betray his feelings. How could the mad old one know? How could he know that Groovy wished to speak with him on a subject of great import. Wait, thought groovy, I'm overreacting, surely he has business of his own to conduct with me. He can't possibly know.
Cucumba walked to the center of the hall of moderators, a huge stone disk lie on the floor that showed the true location of all people currently in forumscant if one concentrated long enought. In times like these, however, it was used as an impromptu sparring ring.
Cucumba stretched leisurely and began running through VT 12, the form of the AOL ban evader defense. It was a beautiful form, one that Groovy hoped that he could do with such grace in the future. Cucumba always praised him, but he held himself to harsher standards. Groovy stepped onto the disk, and began Cucatoth 4, the diplomatic diffusion of a flame war. It was a moving and poetic form, and Grooveh was close to mastering it.
"Are you ready, Groovy?"
There was a pause as Groovy was once again lost in the troubled thoughts that brought him here.
" . . . sorry, I was thinking of something else. I'll concentrate harder."
Cucumba looked at his sparring partner again and frowned. Groovy was hiding something from him, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Whatever it was that was troubling the young modiwan, it was obviously a significant burden. Despite these facts, the teachings would have to continue, and Cucumba stepped into a fighting stance to ready the flow of knowledge. Groovy nodded gravely, gulped and moved slowly into a gaurded position. While his diplomacy was spot on, he was certain his ability in combat was not as great as the jade behemoth's.
With a sudden burst of movement, Groovy lunged in, launching a punch at the admin. Cucumba sidestepped and slid his hands behind his back in an akimbo position. Groovy attacked again, his salvo of punches hit nothing but air as the massive admin neatly dodged out of the way. Groovy slowed down, knowing that Cucumba was trying to wear him out and frustrate him. The admin was powerful and fast, but he was also a brilliant fight strategist. Groovy knew that he must not allow the green machine to dictate the pace and place, advice given to him by others who had faced the admin. Groovy dived forward, hoping to grab Cucumba by the shoulders, but he felt the admins arms around his neck and leg. In rather remarkably short time, the groovy one was around the admin's shoulders and speeding to the ground.
The collision was not unlike that of a train wreck; Groovy was certain he would never breath again after the impact against his ribs. He rolled on the ground, holding his chest in pain.
"Get up Groovy. I know you can do better."
Deep inside, groovy knew that he could hold the cherade no longer. He reached into the folds of his robe and pulled out Miroku's spare ban dagger. Cucumba spied the flash of metal as the modiwan sprang onto his feet, and even as it sped towards him, he wasn't sure of it's precise nature untill he saw how deep it cut into the collumn.
Cucumba's jaw dropped open when he saw it pass within a hair's breadth of his face. "Groovy, what is the meaning of this?!"
"You. I watch as you dispense wisdom and teach all of us, help us with our problems, yet never take a stand for yourself. I watch as you do great deeds even now, when you own projects and life make even the minimal effort impossible. I watch as you settle countless disputes but never start one of your own that needs to be started for your sake. I watch as others are credited, credit you freely abscond, and you yourself are never honored. I am tired of waiting for change, so if I must kill you to bring you honor and ruin myself in the process so be it."
Cucumba was stunned silent and still. Groovy was breathing heavy and his eyes were red with emotion. The groovy one had lost his cool and he could feel his cheeks growing hot as they reddened. Cucumba was about to speak when Groovy dived in again, slashing at the admin's legs. The mighty admin dodged back, putting space between himself and the modiwan.
"We can talk this out Groovy, I won't fight you in this state," stammered the adminsitrator.
"No, there's no more talking . . . I will do what must be done!"
Once again Groovy dived in, stabbing at the adminsitrators legs. Cucumba moved into a ready stance, and kicked down at the incoming knife. Groovy tucked himself into a ball and dived into the admin's legs, hoping to knock him over. The adminstrator stumbled, but didn't fall untill Groovy abruptly stood. The modiwan grunted with the effort of lifting the obscenely heavy spam bane, but he managed to stand straight and topple the mighty admin.
Cucumba fell on his back, and closed his eyes from the jarring impact. Perhaps it was on instinct alone that he knew to dodge, for Groovy's killing blow rang out hollow on the ancient stone below. Groovy was so close . . . his stomache wrenched in agony, but this was neccesary. The administrator quickly kicked out Groovy's legs, sending him into a deep split. Groovy winced from the sudden agony in his thighs as the admin knight slammed an open palm strike home in his solar plexus. Groovy was airborn, and he felt as if his entire rib cage was on fire. The next time he opened his eyes, he was sailing across the hall, Cucumba's massive punch on it's rechamber step. He couldn't even remember being hit, but when he landed, he felt all the pain return.
Cucumba watched as Groovy slammed into the pillar that would one day house Darth You's statue, and winced as his freind cratered into it.
"No . . . damnit Groovy, not like this. I never wanted to hurt you, but you left me no choice."
Groovy groaned as he pulled himself out, every part of his body felt broken. And he wasn't sure he would be able to stand without the pillar. But the task he had appointed to himself was cause to ignore such things as mortality and continue. Who would finish his work if he were to fail now? He looked up to see three blurry Cucumba's speaking, but he couldn't hear them well.
" . . . oovy, list . . . no . . . can talk . . . ok?"
Groovy dived into the administrator with everything he had, driving his elbow into the pickled one's nose. Cucumba's outcry of pain could be heard as green blood flowed in abundance from his nostrils. As the admin leaned back he felt Groovy grab his ankles, and yank them out from underneath him.
The administrator hit the floor, and blocked two stabs that he only perceived through the ki stream. He flipped up to his feet, looking to get out of the perilous perdicament that he presently occupied.
He looked at his friend with pleading eyes, but Groovy responded only with tears of sorrow and flames of anger and passion for a deed wich must be completed. Cucumba blocked a stab to his abdomen, and twisted Groovy around, wrenching his arm into a lock. But Groovy spun again, and produced a second ban dagger from his robe.
It was at this point that Cucumba knew he had been outsmarted.
Both fighters spun close, chest to chest, as Cucumba felt the ban dagger slip between his ribs.
Cucumba's face was of shock, and Groovy only chocked back horrible sobs in response, his face flooded with tears from a deed that must be done, but not neccesarily liked.
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