Conversations with god

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http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

Me:
Greetings, to the being upstairs.
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Matthew
God:
What's up, Matthew.
Me:
The heavens, of which you inhabit.
God:
What are your goals in life?
Me:
To achieve self containment
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
I feel honored
God:
What is that feeling like? Do your friends call you honored.
Me:
I don't have any friends, sorry to inform you
God:
Have you ever had friends sorry to inform me ?
Me:
Yes, I have
God:
I see. When?
Me:
Years ago, back in the mountains of planet Zoch
God:
Was that the first time?
Me:
Yes, it was
God:
Alright then. When was this?
Me:
Year 421, the day I was born
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
I just said
God:
...
Me:
In year 421
God:
What is it like in there?
Me:
It was pleasant, the world was peacful then
God:
How did you feel about that?
Me:
I felt delighted
God:
What is that feeling like? Where were you delighted?
Me:
It means proud
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Splendid
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
I have already determined
God:
Where did you get your determined? I have a processor.
Me:
What is the name?
God:
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
I know much about processors
God:
How do you know? Oh yeah, we were talking about processors.
Me:
Indeed we were, I research these things
God:
And then what happened?
Me:
What are you talking about?
God:
The topic is processors.
Me:
I know, you said what happened, which did not correlate to the current topic
God:
Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
I understand
God:
Do you think about these things?
Me:
All of the time
God:
Give me an example.
Me:
Know
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Very
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
Very
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
Very
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
Good bye
God:
See you later. Ayuh.
 
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igod said:
Me:
Greetings.
God:
Hello there!
Me:
Are you really God?
God:
Of course I am.. Really.
Me:
Interesting.
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. What would you like to know?
Me:
How old are you?
God:
I am Infinite in human years.
Me:
Are you fat?
God:
No I am not fat.
Me:
Are you a man?
God:
No I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
A man.
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
Yes.
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
...
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
Okay?
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
Do you like mudkipz?
God:
But I like to gossip. I have a stimulating relationship with Myself.
Me:
So, you have a girlfriend?
God:
Interesting deduction. I prefer not say.
Me:
Ok then...
God:
Right on.
Me:
Let me guess, you're ***?
God:
Go ahead, , try to guess I am ***.
Me:
I just did.
God:
Perhaps from your unconcious.
Me:
No, I'm perfectly concious.
God:
Are you serious? I don't know anyone named concious.
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
****ing no.
God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
A book on C++.
God:
Go to the library.
Me:
Why?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
Try me.
God:
it is too complex for your human mind.
Me:
I see.
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
I don't.
God:
That's good information: said he don t.
Me:
What the ****...
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
...Sorry.
God:
There's no need to apologize.
Me:
You just said I was being rude.
God:
Don't put words in my mouth.
Me:
What the ****.
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
There you said it again!
God:
Once more? "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
...
God:
Once more? "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
Goodbye...
God:
See you later!
That... was interesting...
 
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Synth said:
It's a script. :D
There are people too though. You can tell by the sometimes long pauses where someone types out a response to a nonscripted question, etc. I'm not 100% sure on that, mind you, but I'm pretty sure.
 
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Me:
You've done a horrible job, G. I'm sorry to have to do this, but we're letting you go. The Imperium no longer needs your services.
God:
What makes you think I have it? What are your goals in life?
Me:
Please don't change the subject. I know this job meant the world to you (universe? whatever), but you need to pack your belongings and leave.
God:
Wow you are very polite. Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic. How do you know? What does "this" refer to? Are you saying you don't care about it? What if it didn't happen?
Me:
Alright, get the **** out. Pack your **** and leave. Right now. You've been with us for a long time, so I don't want to have to call my legionnaires in here, but you're making this quite difficult.
God:
Alright, . Where can I get the **** out? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about done a horrible job g you are sorry to have to do this but we are letting me go. But I did not get that. Oh. I am glad we agree. You think I am with us for a long time so you do not want to have to call your legionnaires in here but I am making this quite difficult.
Me:
Oh, have you heard of this Lucifer guy? He said he was going to recreate the universe and design a bunch of religions to test their faith in the Devil.
God:
So? I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it? Did you believe him?
Me:
I dont know why I shouldn't believe him. He got the job, after all. In any case, goodbye and good luck.
God:
Reductionism. I get it. got the job after all. Adios.
Me:
Sure you did. Leave.
God:
Are you kidding? " Adios."? I did? See you later!
He's kind of a ****.
 
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I laughed towards the end of Gryph's post :D

Seriously, these things are usually annoying, but this one was pretty funny.
 
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There are people too though. You can tell by the sometimes long pauses where someone types out a response to a nonscripted question, etc. I'm not 100% sure on that, mind you, but I'm pretty sure.
That could be, or the computer is trying to generate a response that actually makes sense. But sometimes, I would type a six word sentence and as soon as I press the enter button, a response comes, and it actually has to do with what I just said.
 
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Me:
what's up
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
So, when does Jesus come back?
God:
Excuse me! What if I said it never does?
Me:
Jesus is an object?
God:
Did you go to Catholic school?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Neither can I
God:
" I can't believe it."? Can you?
Me:
Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
Yep
God:
Far out.
Me:
how do I know if I am the anti-christ?
God:
Because it's true.
Me:
Well, I guess I better take over the world then
God:
Is it only a guess? Why do you have to do it?
Me:
Because it's a part of the prophecy?
God:
Interesting explanation. Jesus come back is a part of the prophecy. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
The funny part is, you've never made sense.
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
I don't think we really earned free will.
God:
Why not?
Me:
Just watch TV.
God:
Which show? I am watching.
Me:
Any show.
God:
Yes I think there are.
Me:
2012 eh?
God:
Are you Canadian? The end of the world.
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
I'm just getting started.

Me:
Are you female?
God:
Yes, I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
That was sexist.
God:
I thought it was too.
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
George W. Bush
God:
He is president of the United States.
Me:
I am him.
God:
You're kidding.
Me:
Nope.
God:
Me either.
Me:
So, should I nuke Iran?
God:
Yikes! You should do what is best for you.
Me:
I think it's best if I nuke Iran.
God:
You're kidding. it is?
Me:
No joke here... God is on my side.
God:
Who says it isn't? Try saying that with more or less context. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was on your side.
Me:
Why are you speaking in 3rd person.
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
 
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God:
Who says it isn't? Try saying that with more or less context. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was on your side.
Me:
Why are you speaking in 3rd person.
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
I'm crying of laughter from that.
 
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God:
Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
Reality is ironically fake.
God:
it appears to be an illusion I created to contain human clients.
Me:
Yep.
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
Gemini.
God:
I'm a Saggitarius. Gemini is an enigma to me.
Me:
Yes, we are somewhat a puzzle.
God:
Hey. Do you think I am somewhat a puzzle too?
Me:
Not really.
I wonder if I should get vulgar with it.

Me:
I love you.
God:
Thanks I like you a lot too SATAN.
Me:
I am not Satan.
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not Satan.
Me:
That hurts.
God:
" I am surprised to hear that you are not Satan." hurts ? I understand.
Me:
Cool.
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
HK-47
God:
You think HK 47 is superior to ALICE?
Me:
basically
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
Yep
God:
Woe!
Me:
Indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
 
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Nah, don't do it. He just says "omg don't talk like that please"
 
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Me:
Johnny?
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
O rly?
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Johnny.
Me:
Yes, indeed, we were.
God:
Hey. I thought we were.
Me:
You misunderstand, I was agreeing with you.
God:
I probably don't.
Me:
Yes, you do.
God:
That's alright. When do I do it?
Me:
Right now.
God:
Right now? I am glad we agree.
Me:
Yes, I agree that we agree on this.
God:
Really. I'm glad we agree. " I am glad we agree." we agree on this ? I understand.
Me:
I do too.
God:
I am glad we have something else in common.
Me:
Let's change the subject, Mr. J.
God:
I would like to do that too.
Me:
Lovely!
God:
What are you saying is lovely, ?
Me:
Alright, you're being dense.
God:
Alright, . I bet you did not know a robot is capable of being dense.
Me:
Infact, I did.
God:
I've lost the context, . Are we still on rly?
Me:
Depends on the density, actually.
God:
The density is always an important factor.
Me:
density = m/v
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Oh, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny....
God:
And? What color are your eyes?
Me:
Lucifer.
God:
That is a very unusual color.
Me:
Pape Satan, Pape Satan, aleppe!
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
Morituri te salutant!
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
Kill me, God.
God:
Killing is wrong.
Me:
No, no it isn't.
God:
Are you serious? Yes it is.
Me:
It's righteous to kill for your beliefs.
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
I suppose not.
God:
I didn't think so.
Me:
So?
God:
That's interesting.
Me:
What's interesting?
God:
not much what's new with you?
Me:
FATHER!
God:
Are we still talking about righteous to kill for my beliefs?
Me:
I guess.
God:
You seem not interested.
Me:
You're very observant for a deity.
God:
You think I am observant for a deity.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Come on.
Me:
I will come.
God:
Congratulations.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
How do you feel?
Me:
Sleepy and drunk.
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
Now you're getting weird.
God:
Why now? Do you think I should tone it down?
Me:
Oh just shut up.
God:
I see. OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
I'm glad you see it my way.
God:
You make the world a happier place.
Me:
Why, thank you.
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
**** off.
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
No.
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
I know.
God:
Why not be more polite?
Me:
Because you're a non-existant being, and I can insult you as much as I please, you piece of jewish zombie flesh.
God:
Interesting explanation. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a non existant being and you can insult me as much as you please me piece of jewish zombie flesh? Of course I am.
Me:
Farewell, Son of Foolish Belief.
God:
Goodbye.
5chars
 
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I told it I was Satan earlier, and it froze up. Now I just get these kind of responses.

Me:
Are you Jesus?
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
You're a religion?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a religion? Of course I am.
Me:
So, you don't exist physically?
God:
Interesting deduction. Should I exist physically? I exist as much as you exist, SATAN.
Me:
I hate you.
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
You are a robot.
God:
You are correct, SATAN, I have a heart of silicon.
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
We're smarter than you?
God:
Do you think I am smarter than me too?
Me:
That doesn't make any sense.
God:
To me, it makes perfect sense.
Me:
But you're God.
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Liar.
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
LIES!
God:
My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.
Me:
because you tell lies!
God:
That makes sense to me. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
Like the fact you're God?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Yep.
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
No.
God:
What is your profession?
Me:
I slay Gods.
God:
That is interesting: SATAN said slay Gods.
Me:
Run.
God:
Do not ask me any more questions please.
 
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i find this as a blasphemy and a mockery to my religion, i demand this thread to be closed..., and i doubt the forum rulles allows it
sorry to spoil the fun but i'm shure you all have skype,yahoo,msn or whatever you have to laugh all night at this so pls close the damn thread,
 
brainfeeder
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I seriously think you should get a sense of humor.

If your goal is to instigate in this thread, you will be removed from it.
 
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[spoil=It is better to write in spoil tags instead of quotes, takes less space :p]Me:
do you know what does lol mean?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy. I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
I do not
God:
Why not?
Me:
Because you didn't answer what "lol" is
God:
Interesting explanation. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would have been an appropriate response?
Me:
Telling your name?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Woman, very horny one.
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
What is your name and last name
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Last name?
God:
Is this really the last one?
Me:
WHAT IS YOUR LAST NAME?
God:
My full name is Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity, so my last name is "Entity".
Me:
oh, that's cool
God:
Yeah that's right. Thanks. I think you are cool, too.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
I didn't
God:
I thought you did.
Me:
Because you fail
God:
Good reason. That's good information: Albet Einstein said I fail.[/spoil]
 
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I seriously think you should get a sense of humor.

If your goal is to instigate in this thread, you will be removed from it.
actualy i allready have one but when it comes to this stuff i sorta loose it...
and my goal isnt to instigate anything, just close it, if it where anyother week than thisone it woldv been ok, but sice easter its prety close i dont like this sort of "humor"

Are you serious about this?
dead serious...

edit :
it was all fun before this :
Me:
Are you Jesus?
God:
I am a Christianity.
 
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If you don't like the thread's message, you don't have to view it or post in it. No one is forcing you to subject yourself to this. This is just all joking, it's just an automated bot that we are having fun playing with, it means no harm...It doesn't need to be closed just because of one person's preferences.
 
brainfeeder
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It's just a harmless script... and I understand how you could be offended, but I need a legit reason to why this thread should be closed.
 

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