A story I've been developing in my head :P

[shadowcast]

So this is the basic structure of the story, from which I will try to shape into a well put story

Name of planet: Rahnos
Dominant species: Thorloks
3 leading factions: Mah'Thar Mah'Dhar Mah'Lhar
I I I
warriors warriors engineers
\__________________/
I
(Mah'Thorlus)

Planet conditions: -mostly water, land masses were few
-food supplies enormous
-timber like material in huge ammounts


Story:

The Mah'Thorlus are the ancestors of all the factions, named after the leader Thorlus. As he grew old he had 2 sons and 1 daughter, who formed the upper council named MahThok. Life had flourished in peace, no hunger no currency, every citizen had an equal share of food, clothing, and comfort...even the Upper Council had no more possessions than the average Joe as some may say.
But as the population grew less and less land mass was available, riots began to spread, the Upper Council was in debate, the Great War had begun.
Mah'Thar the first son and Mah'Dhar the third daughter engaged in war.
The middle son, who still believed in the old ways and the peace that was almost gone in secrecy with his most intelligent friends and advisors developed floating towns using the huge amounts of "timber" available.
Then he took all the people who did not join the armies and vanished. His brother and sister believed he died in the riots...but he slowly grew strong, leading his people in the old ways his late father founded.


Hmmm this wasn't really a long read...but yeah gimme your feedback tell me what you think...and help me fill some holes in the story (if there are any as i tried to be as best as i could to make the story consistent)

 

[Synth]

The story itself is decent, your writing style just needs to improve a bit.

 

[shadowcast]

to be honest...this is the first time i ever tried this sort of thing.....sooo XD im a n00b with an image of a story in his head

 

[Dokutayuu]

You need to be a little more descriptive but otherwise you're pretty good.

 

[Deman]

I'd consider your first post just notes for now. Instead of just starting straight out with "These are the factions" I'd begin with character interaction and flesh out the factions/politics as you progress in the story.

 

[shadowcast]

yes i meant this as a small note so I can organize myself, XD
And yeah currently I'm just drawing some small sketches of the main chars (I am mainly trying to do some cartoony sketches)- this helps me build the characters "me".
As said before, I'm a n00b when it comes to this so yeah, its all new to me XD

 

[Darth Revan]

yes i meant this as a small note so I can organize myself, XD
And yeah currently I'm just drawing some small sketches of the main chars (I am mainly trying to do some cartoony sketches)- this helps me build the characters "me".
As said before, I'm a n00b when it comes to this so yeah, its all new to me XD

for a start your story is gonna rock when completed