pointers

does anyone has some pointers about sig making cuz I think mine can be improved. I personally think there are to many words. But what do you guys think of it

i am sort of reading how to model, but i can tell i anit going to be to good :( , but anyway could one of you talented guys make a raditiz model?, i know you most liky wont cos not alot of people like him in the series :(, but hay! ill be really happy if one of you guys can :D cheers Rob