Granted, but all they can sing is that Friday song.
I wish I had more Iced Tea.
Granted, but they were mutated Parrots and they tear you apart in a musical frenzy.
I wish ESF had Full Environmental Destruction. :3
Edit: Dammit Cuc.
Granted, but it’s a girl named Tea that was iced. I wish I had a hoverboard.
Granted, but it only hovers at a height of 100km.
I wish I was a bowling pro!
Granted, but you get banned out of every bowling alley on this planet for being to good.
I wish i had access to the ESF inteam (see what i did there)
Granted, but it’s full of bugs and keeps crashing. 
I wish I could see through time.
Granted you can see into the past to the night when your mom got pregnant with you.
I wish i had a category A+ drivers license (in our country thats for motor bikes over 250cc)
It can’t, but as a result of your incredibly dull wish, the thread dies until Avenger - the brave and magnificent hero of our story - returns to save it.
I wish Dokutayuu was more evil.
Granted, now Doku has taken over the world by force, rules with an iron fist, and has introduced a new crime prevention method of immediately executing people for crimes as small as “looking odd”. Also, all the snails in the world are gone now for some reason…
I wish Avenger was a space cowboy.
Granted, however avenger cannot breath in air on the earth’s atmosphere properly, so he might die in space.
I wish I was dirt…
Granted! However, we all like eating dirt!
I wish Avenger was less evil!
Granted, but most days either an animal pees on you, craps on you, or digs into you to hide their stuff, sending your all over the place…and people do other stuff to dirt… your life now sucks.
I wish I had a billion dollars that not counterfeit… or stolen O.o
EDIT:
DAMMIT DOKU D:
Oh yeah Doku, we ALL eat Heron, especially me and avenger. 
Doku: Granted, avenger now travels the world healing the sick, feeding the hungry, and hugging babies. He is promptly assassinated by the Vatican for muscling in on Jesus’ thing.
Omnomnom: Granted, you now have a billion dollars…in italian Lire, which is no longer legal tender.
There, both taken care of.
I wish cats had opposable thumbs.
Granted, but then when they get their paws on some firearms, theres gonna be a catnip cartel goin on.
I wish I had a billion USD dollars, non - counterfeit and obtained legally.
You get them only to die in a car accident after you bought your first Ferrari while realizing how you just wasted your wish.
I wish religious jewish laws wouldn’t be embedded in Israel’s national laws.
Granted, but then they are embedded in national laws of the rest of the world.
I wish Gay people could physically bring children to the world!
Granted, there is now a portal that gay couples can stick their arms into and physically drag children out of and into this world. They don’t always have the right amount of arms though…or even be the right species. But still! Progress!
I wish snails were the size of dogs.
Granted! Sadly, they decide to take over the world. And they give me the creeps.
I wish snails became extinct!
Granted, their name changed from “snails” to “extinct”.
I wish I could have all the women in the world.
Granted, you now have them all…in an airtight box…they’ve…sort of stopped moving now…oh well, at least you have life sized barbie dolls now.
I wish I could kick avenger’s ass at esf.