Congrats, you've all made something plain and simply into a complex ordeal.
First off, personal accounts cannot accept debit or credit card payments, you can only send money. Second, you do not, I repeat, not, need a credit card.
You can easily link your PayPal to a bank account. All this requires is the account number off one of your cheques. Don't have cheques? All you need to do is go to the bank and order some cheques for whatever youth savings account your parents have stuck you with. The bank will charge you a dollar or two for the book of cheques, which are very useful for paying for things too large for a debit transaction or credit card. You don't need a chequing account either, they simply give you cheques for your savings account, works the same way.
I'm not sure, but you could probably go to the bank and just ask them what your account number is, rather than ordering cheques. This may work too.
There, now you all have no reason not to be enjoying the new content and frontal nudity of THE FORCE PIT.